Another weekend and another drunken DP ‘performance’

[Heatwavefry]

I’ve had very broken sleep so I apologise in advance for any grammatical errors!!

There has been a trend over about a year now of DP going out once a month with friends and getting hammered, his behaviour when returning home has increasingly worsened though. We don’t live together but when he goes out he usually comes back to mine to stay for the weekend as I live centrally close to where the pubs are.

Last night, he returns about 1am and wakes me up asking if I can ‘see to him’. I say no and go back to sleep, he says he will sort himself out.

I hear loads of crashing about so am woken at least twice, and he says he’s sleeping on the sofa. After yet more noise, I go into the living room and he’s naked, there’s a massive wet patch on my sofa, which he said is because he ‘sorted himself out’ - he was still pissed at this point.

I go ballistic and tell him I want him gone first thing. He’s still on the sofa now. I am not overreacting here am I?! It’s my flat which I worked hard to afford and he treats it like this.

Honestly he is absolutely disgusting. Get rid - save your sanity. Appauling behavior towards you. Such nasty behaviour doing that on your sofa after getting trollied.

Bill him for a new sofa. If he doesn't pay it, take him to small claims court.

Oh he's probably busy staining his own sofa, in his little solo flat.

ah another passive aggressive and triggered man. Where doesn’t say I “hate men” my family members and sons are very much loved and are amazing guys. You hate the fact women have learnt to live without you guys and you aren’t needed, hence why you stalk a mothers group chat… odd.

Yes women of course do annoying things, never have I seen a women jizzing on a man’s furniture though and then shrugging it off the next morning. If men created a space to discuss such things you would be there, but again a man is invading a woman’s space and trying to undermine them.

It's just incredible that he's trying to convince us all that it's not a big deal. Imagine putting up with this nonsense when there's kids involved. Get rid OP.

@Johnson85 but having wank and getting it on the sofa really doesn't seem that serious to me.

Really?, he doesn’t live there, it’s not his sofa to mess up.

Edited to add that I can’t believe that anyone would think OP’s partners behaviour is not that serious - what a time to be alive. Ffs 🙄

Even If he did have “memory black out” the fact he gets himself into that much of a state of what is clearly drugs and alcohol, there’s an issue there.

Hello again johnson85, perhaps you might like to re read the post. The writer has been putting up with this for 12 months and it’s getting worse. That’s more than one drunken mistake.

When women, or indeed men, are repeatedly treated as if they and their property are something to be used and abused, over time it damages their own self respect. When a partner is repeatedly, knowingly and without care, damaging someone’s sleep, that is not ok.

You call me immature, and say I’m not broad minded. I’m just trying to help someone see that they don’t have to put up with abuse.

Yes I’m single, and this does make me different from the overwhelming majority. Your implication being that there’s something wrong with that. May, I suggest that this shows yourself to be the one who is not broad minded. Furthermore this underlying attitude contributes to the fact that many women are stuck in abusive, or just unsatisfactory, relationships. Sometimes I just need to call this out.

Where is the pod that's generating these guys and can someone please unplug it? Give them a wide berth if they're lying on your sofa.

This is the perfect example of us all having different standards. That you didn’t react with humour, roll your eyes and go back to sleep tells me that your standards are higher than your friend’s and that it’s not going to work out long term with this man.

There are already so many compromises to be made when you move in with another adult. You’ll already have different ways of doing things, different standards and definitions of what constitutes clean. Having to deal with a man who gets so drunk he can’t even be bothered to turn on the charm when he wants sex, and then stains your sofa, is really more hard work than you need, isn’t it?

Ejaculate or urine? Oh what a lovely choice🤣

That's missing the point. I am not condemning all men who have had a crafty wank and were caught before the clean up.
I am more concerned about the way he was upset because he had assumed he was going to get sorted out. Then when he wasn't ,went into a sulk and stopped off to the sofa named where he then sorted himself out. Its the passive aggression in this I dislike and find a bit disturbing. Most reasonable guys if returning to their partner drunk ir not and asked to be sorted out should realise their partner may not be into that at that time. Most would just laugh it off and apologise and go back to sleep. The entitled way he went ino an upset sulk is the problem. And probably the cause of the stain! Prob had coke or mdma maybe and took himself too seriously. Definitely a warning sign.

I wondered if it was urine, only time will tell. Ok cleaning it up may be better get him some sponges, bio detergent and hot water

Tell him not to return.

the male loneliness epidemic has everything to do with the male tendency to eschew emotional depth and vulnerability in their platonic relationships and nearly nothing to do with jizzing on the sofa No, no women, you don’t understand! You aren’t deciding not to date or marry us because some of us behave like truffle pigs that haven’t been house trained. It’s because we aren’t emotionally vulnerable with our friends.

Men have never been known for their ability to eschew emotional depth and vulnerability in their platonic relationships. And there has never been a male loneliness epidemic because society taught women that finding a man, any man, and clinging on for grim death, was the only way to be. Now we know different and we’re quickly learning that we don’t have to put up with shit anymore.

The OP hasn’t returned. I’m unfortunately thinking she hasn’t thrown him out 😧

I would bet my house she’s forgiven him again 🙊

I said you’re being unreasonable- because you are doubting yourself that this is completely bat shit behaviour and you’re questioning whether or not you’re reasonable to telling him to get out.

He’s wanked or pissed himself on your sofa and you’re telling him it’s ok mate, you can sleep here until the morning.

Next time a man even remotely behaves in this manner around you it doesn’t matter what hour it is - he needs to go. I hope you’ve binned him off.

People who are twats when they're pissed are twats when they're sober - they just hide it better.
He is telling you who he is.
Believe him.
Tell him to get in the bin.

Sounds like an overgrown toddler-waking you up and leaving messes at night. He needs to get help (so do his family, from what you say), and if he won't, you should seriously think about whether you want to put up with this.

THIS.

But you have a choice in all of this, too. You let him crash at your place after nights out when he's drunk. You can prevent all the wake ups, middle-of-the-night seeing-to requests, the gross mess on your couch by saying "no" to his visits when he's going out. (Change the locks!) That will put an immediate stop to what happens at yours. I hope you dump him, TBH.

BUT if this relationship progresses and you move in together, you'll be stuck with all of it and more, all over again. What if he starts going out more often? Do you really want to live that way?

MN often says "He's showing you who he is. Believe him." I would add this: YOU'RE showing him what kind of behavior you'll accept, and he will DEFINITELY believe you!

You have a voice here. Please use it.

Worse yet, that "male loneliness epidemic has everything to do with the male tendency to eschew emotional depth and vulnerability in their platonic relationships" and "I simply suggest some occasional leeway in behaviour you find sub optimal"... guy will probably take credit for it, thinking she was swayed by his great diplomacy and reason.

Stop the world, I want to get off. Has someone switched the pod off yet? They're all over the bloody place these days. Did we laugh at Reddit or that Gentlemen4Hire webshite again?

The one who would be ok with this must have some serious self worth / esteem issues…

Please please leave this man. This exact situation happened with my ex, took me 7 years to leave. I was anxious and dreaded every weekend as the behaviour only got worse. Ending in my house being smashed up. You will be so much happier in the long run

No, no, no. She's just 'broad minded' 😆