To tell people we're still renting when we bought outright.

[TheChosen]

DH and I recently moved house. Our previous house was a rental and we lived there for almost a decade. The old house was a small 2 bed flat where we lived with our 2DC.

The old rent was way below market rate as we had lived there for so long. We sacrificed living and outdoor space a little longer than we probably should have for the financial security and to allow us to build our savings. The smaller home/outgoings also allowed me to cut my hours to part time while the children were younger so we were happy to make the sacrifices as the benefits outweighed the cons.

Our local area is mostly made up of large new build houses that cost above average for the city we live in. All of our acquaintances and friends have much larger homes than us, and were often surprised when they discovered we lived in such a small, modest flat. Especially as we both have 'good' careers.

We have a combined income of approx 80-95k (depending on bonuses) and have managed to save a good chunk for a house deposit. The market has been terrible for a while and we haven't found anything we like, so decided to also look for bigger rentals to give us a little more space while we house hunt.

A 3 bed rental came up locally and we went for it. After a month of living there, the landlord had some major family issues and notified us they would need to sell unexpectedly. We still hadn't found a place to buy that we liked, then the landlord made us a great offer to buy our current place.

The cost of the house was less than our saved deposit so we decided to make a cash offer and buy the place mortgage free. The deal is finally complete and we are really happy here.

Here's the AIBU. Anytime someone finds out we've moved, the first question they ask is if we are still renting or have bought. I don't know why, but it's really bugging me. Never would it cross my mind to ask someone their renting/home owner status. I'm finding it very intrusive.

Would they still be asking this question if we had previously lived in a similar home to theirs? Do they see us being 'beneath' them for being renters rather than owners?

The first few times I was asked I simply changed the subject and didn't answer, but it keeps happening. These people aren't even close friends, just local acquaintances.

I've eventually started telling them we are still renting as I feel telling them we bought outright would open the door to even more uncomfortable questions.

Is it me, or is it intrusive of people to ask someone (that they don't know very well) this?

My real friends haven't once asked my rental/owner status. Why do random people seem to think they have a right to this knowledge?

AIBU to find this question intrusive and unnecessary?

I would just say that the Landlord was selling at a good price so we decided to buy. They could look online to see when it was bought anyway. Enjoy your new home 😁

You’ve interpreted OPs post as the w being asked by “casual acquaintances” I interpreted as friends (because why would casual acquaintances know you’d moved) but either way why the need to shut down a question?

Presumably most people just answer “no particular reasonI was just making conversation”

I certainly wouldn’t “squirm” but I would make a mental note to avoid standing near that person at subsequent events or activities. Small talk can be struggle enough without weird hostility

We're a married couple - 45 and 50 - with a young child. Both work in professional jobs but have never owned a house together and been privately renting for over a decade now.
If people assume (wrongly) that we own our own home then that's up to them - we've never been asked. But we are by no means embarrassed about it.
Just in the same way if they wrongly assume that we are Mr and Mrs.

It’s nobody’s business whether you own or rent - but honestly you should both be so proud of the financial planning and decisions you have made to get yourself to where you are. I wouldn’t lie about it, if asked, but simply say you do actually own the house now. They don’t need to know you don’t have a mortgage as the detail is unimportant, they will assume you do have. I have friends I’ve known for 35 years+ - we don’t discuss our finances and I have no idea which ones have paid off their mortgages or not. We all make financial decisions based on different factors.

Be proud of yourselves that the house is yours. You’ve done really well given this market.

It is very easy to see when a house is sold and how much it went for in the UK. This wouldn't tell you who bought it or their financial details.
We own our house outright and have done for a long time. People sometimes ask me if I'm renting (I work a minimum wage job) and I just say no, I own the house. They don't ask if we've got a mortgage!

This is what we do. We bought our house outright and people presume we have a mortgage and I don’t tell them otherwise

You could say you paid cash and ask them if they were cash or mortgage, that would probably shut down a lot of interest in having the discussion.

Definitely don't stand next to my exdh! I'm getting flash backs of our ds's graduation last year when we were sitting in the hall. The man next to him asked him if it was our son or daughter graduating and exdh said it was our daughter! Later on he said it was our son and the man was very confused and exdh said why did you ask! The man couldn't get away fast enough after the ceremony!

I am not sure why people asking you is bothering you so much-maybe if people were asking multiple times when you were dodging the question.
I think most people asking that are just making small talk.
I personally wouldn’t disclose if I had bought outright. If you decide you want to tell people you have bought you can always say (as is true) you were renting but then arranged to buy but add you didn’t want to say that until it was all finalised.
Some people are horrified by the thought of taking on a mortgage so want to rent and some people see rent as lost money and so don’t understand people renting long term-I know people with both these views. Good friends don’t care what your house status is (renting, mortgaged or outright owning) or what size your house is or what money you have. You can only speculate what people are actually thinking. Try not to care so much about what others think. It sounds like you are happy and that your time making sacrifices has paid off-well done. 😃

Oh, get over yourself.

On some sites you can see when they were last sold. I think I would just say that you'd bought from the landlord. Most people will assume that you have a mortgage. We own outright, but no-one has ever asked that. I only pretend to be renting when I get cold calls from companies wanting to sell me things.

All you say is you bought your house. You don’t need to get into the finances whether you bought outright or have a mortgage. Don’t make life difficult for yourself by having to remember / continue a lie.

Our NDN's rent but I know they are thinking of buying it as the LL came around and asked about access for something. Tbh their home ownership status is of no matter to me!

They might just be asking because if you'd recently bought (and noone need know you don't have a mortgage) they can congratulate you on your new home, and maybe ask if you've got any plans for it.
All pleasant small talk.

just say - we rented it, then we were so lucky the owner had to sell we really liked it and bought it - I know loads of ppl who have done the same in London! No need to be awkward about it.
the fact they ask is awkward I would never ask but ppl are nosey!

Yes, it would be a bit odd to pretend you have a mortgage when you don't. I'm surprised there are so many people who would assume someone would have a mortgage and not own their home outright.

“Is it me, or is it intrusive of people to ask someone (that they don't know very well) this?” …….copied from OP!

"Och No, we paid cash, but I hear mortgage rates are going up, what are your thoughts on that?"

What benefit is there to being dishonest.

I'd just answer honestly if asked, it's just normal conversation to my mind. If you find someone's question genuinely intrusive then you can just not answer it, there's no reason to lie.

I do think it's a case of overthinking it though, I'd just say that the landlord was selling so we now own it and are really happy, then move on. I'd be happy for friends in this circumstance and would want to congratulate them, not judge.

It is normal to say if you're renting or own a place, and normal to ask. Beyond that, questions can become about finances and nosy and you may not want to respond, but it's weird to lie about the simple status of renting or owning.

People probably wonder why you would live there / bought it outright because it’s not a choice most people would make with kids.
So my guess is they are curious as to why you’ve decided to live where you have. You don’t have to tell anyone anything op! Or justify it if you don’t want to..

but why would they not if its common small talk?

Because it feels intrusive having random acquaintances repeatedly ask about my financial situation. Especially when it's the first (and often the only) question asked, and when I changed the subject, I was continuously asked until I HAD to give them an answer.

I didn't want to open up the conversation to any further discussions on our finances and this is why I lied. If they are asking our rental/owner situation then they would likely ask more when they find out we now own.

I will now be asking why they need to know (thanks for the tips on here).

I could understand if it was a friend asking but these are people that I barely know. Random parents from the school, local clubs etc.

The fact that we initially rented then decided to buy is something I'm not comfortable discussing with random people.

I do potentially feel that they are judging our 'status' as why else would they NEED to know. There are very few rental properties locally so majority of people know who the renters are in our small area.

I said previously that it's the way they are asking more than what they are asking that bothers me. They way they are asking is coming across as smug.

It's not the norm to ask this in my circle and this is why my back is up when I'm repeatedly asked.

you don't HAVE to tell people anything you don't want to. It would put my back up too.