To tell people we're still renting when we bought outright.

[TheChosen]

DH and I recently moved house. Our previous house was a rental and we lived there for almost a decade. The old house was a small 2 bed flat where we lived with our 2DC.

The old rent was way below market rate as we had lived there for so long. We sacrificed living and outdoor space a little longer than we probably should have for the financial security and to allow us to build our savings. The smaller home/outgoings also allowed me to cut my hours to part time while the children were younger so we were happy to make the sacrifices as the benefits outweighed the cons.

Our local area is mostly made up of large new build houses that cost above average for the city we live in. All of our acquaintances and friends have much larger homes than us, and were often surprised when they discovered we lived in such a small, modest flat. Especially as we both have 'good' careers.

We have a combined income of approx 80-95k (depending on bonuses) and have managed to save a good chunk for a house deposit. The market has been terrible for a while and we haven't found anything we like, so decided to also look for bigger rentals to give us a little more space while we house hunt.

A 3 bed rental came up locally and we went for it. After a month of living there, the landlord had some major family issues and notified us they would need to sell unexpectedly. We still hadn't found a place to buy that we liked, then the landlord made us a great offer to buy our current place.

The cost of the house was less than our saved deposit so we decided to make a cash offer and buy the place mortgage free. The deal is finally complete and we are really happy here.

Here's the AIBU. Anytime someone finds out we've moved, the first question they ask is if we are still renting or have bought. I don't know why, but it's really bugging me. Never would it cross my mind to ask someone their renting/home owner status. I'm finding it very intrusive.

Would they still be asking this question if we had previously lived in a similar home to theirs? Do they see us being 'beneath' them for being renters rather than owners?

The first few times I was asked I simply changed the subject and didn't answer, but it keeps happening. These people aren't even close friends, just local acquaintances.

I've eventually started telling them we are still renting as I feel telling them we bought outright would open the door to even more uncomfortable questions.

Is it me, or is it intrusive of people to ask someone (that they don't know very well) this?

My real friends haven't once asked my rental/owner status. Why do random people seem to think they have a right to this knowledge?

AIBU to find this question intrusive and unnecessary?

YANBU to find it a nosey question from people you don't know well. It sounds as if they're comparing your situation to their own. But YABU to lie. I like the answer above, asking them why they want to know. But if you can't do that, just tell the truth (or a version of it. You don't have to go into detail) and then change the subject. If they don't like it or are envious, that's their problem. But lying can bring its own problems. Better to be truthful where possible.

Well that’s your answer then - nobody knew you. So obviously no one is going to ask.

Yes definitely overthinking. It’s probably a casual question and they thought no more of it afterwards. Just tell them the truth if you want to, or don’t. If they really want to talk about it you could tell them exactly what happened, they’ll probably be envious you got such a great deal . Congratulations though, must feel great to be mortgage and rent free and in a bigger house

I don't think it's a nosy question to ask if you rent or own - it's relevant to subsequent questions. If someone rents I'm not going to be asking the same questions if they've bought because there are different constraints. Obviously it could also be a baseline question to go on to ask rude questions but the question itself isn't rude.

Mumsnet can be odd regarding small talk, I remember years ago reading how rude it was to ask what job some had or where they lived.

It's weird anyone except your parents would ask this outright. Parents might be worried about long term security or considering their wills so you shouldn't lie to them if this might be the case.

Volunteering the information in the context of normal conversations "we got a great offer to buy the house we live in - really convenient, no need to move again" is fairly normal though.

Directly lying is weird - surely nobody is going to ask what percentage of equity you have! That's not normal and can be answered with "none of your business" with or without humour depending how it's asked.

I think you're over thinking, if anyone asks you tell them you rented and have now bought off the landlord. They can always look and see what you've paid in the coming months, it's there for all to see on the Land Registry site and Sold House Prices.

Exactly this. We own our home outright. No one knows except my parents. Everyone assumes we have mortgage and that's fine by me!

I don't think I've ever asked that question, but it always seems to come up in conversation anyway - people mention conveyancing or letting agents or whatever. If you know these people are homeowners, they probably don't expect you'll find it intrusive to ask you about the same thing.

If it's the norm in your circles to buy a bottle of bubbly when someone moves, then it's a shame they haven't done that for you. Among my friends (mainly renters) that's definitely not the done thing for every move - too many of us have moved too many times!

If you’ve been renting and move it’s a pretty standard question to ask are you still renting or have you bought. Nothing nosy about it. It’s basic conversation.
Im assuming the way OP wanted this thread to go was for people to focus on the “we bought outright part”. Either a humble brag or an attempt to stir the pot. Didn’t go the way they expected.

Most would assume you have a mortgage on it. Just say you bought it no further explanation is required.

I think you just need to get over yourself, tbh.

Sounds like they are just making conversation. I mean I wouldn’t ask but everyone I know has bought their house so I would probably just assume you had too.

Turn it back on them: “why do you ask?” With a polite smile. Then change the subject in the inevitable squirming that follows.

Have you ever directly asked them why they need to know ?

I’m a bit triggered by this bc when I was suddenly widowed, I found it unbelievable how nosey people were about my financial situation.

I was obviously emotionally vulnerable at the time so my communication skills doubtless regressed, but I found it hard to strategise how to answer the straight question “So is your mortgage paid off then?” without seeming hostile (though actually I considered the question a boundary-breaching intrusion.)

I was in a couple large social circles. and I think that the information just spread by gossipy women.

I am very reserved in that old-fashioned British way and would never have dreamt of asking anyone that question. You don’t ask a married couple (unwidowed) “So is your mortgage paid off then?” so why is it ok to ask someone blinded by grief.

Once financial info is out there, you can’t recall it, or control who has it (and this can leave you vulnerable to scammers as a widow), or control how people feel about it (envy, resentment etc) so if I could go back in time I’d give myself free permission to lie as much as I liked (or just mildly commented, “that’s a very personal question”.

I’ve historically had self-esteem boundary issues. But when I was grieving the love of my life, questions such as this from people who weren’t asking out of unalloyed compassion did upset me.

Rant over. But feel completely unapologetic about applying strict GDPR over your own data! Organisations are obliged to by law, so you are definitely entitled to!

I've eventually started telling them we are still renting

Having lied to some people, and presumably other people in your life know the truth, you are heading for one hell of a tangled mess.
Life is so much more complicated when you have to maintain lies.

Best to tell those people, if the subject ever crops up again, that the landlord has sold it to you, and be very vague about exactly when. They will assume you bought it after renting it first.

People in the uk are obsessed with housing. They may think you‘re smart and want to know if you’ve invested so they can add it to their information about the local market. If you do tell them they will then want to know the price. Next time somebody asks say- oh that’s interesting, are you wanting to know as you’re thinking of putting your house on the market and want to ask if I’m interested in buying?

You're being a bit weird about it. People are just making conversation.

Maybe they think you won the lottery to go from renting a small flat to owning a decent sized house?

People are fascinated by house prices, areas, mortgages, getting a bargain, moving from renting (where you usually can't decorate) to buying, back again.

If these are friends, I wouldn't tell lies like we are still renting!

If they are not friends, it's up to you.

In my close friendship circles, everyone is talking about their pensions, early retirement and paying off their mortgage. it's hard if you aren't able to do those things, I know, I've been there, I don't think they are trying to be superior though, most people aren't that interested in your specific circumstances and won't be mentioning it to others, it's more they are nosy and love thinking about houses in the UK! As someone says, it adds to their store of knowledge on the topic.

"I'd prefer not to say."

The only people I've googled on Right Move is someone I'm dating.

I am not interested in what my friends are up to house-wise, beyond envying their lovely tidy houses!

It's just small talk. I'm at a stage where some of peers are beginning to buy and the other half are renting with no plans to buy. So if someone tells me they're looking, I'll naturally ask if it's to buy or to rent. When I was growing up, my parents went from renting, to owning, back to renting, to owning again (forever home). It happens too and it's not a big deal.

If your real friends havent asked then why are you getting so worked up about random people?

I’d be a smug bastard and tell them you’ve bought it for cash 😂😂😂😂