To tell people we're still renting when we bought outright.

[TheChosen]

DH and I recently moved house. Our previous house was a rental and we lived there for almost a decade. The old house was a small 2 bed flat where we lived with our 2DC.

The old rent was way below market rate as we had lived there for so long. We sacrificed living and outdoor space a little longer than we probably should have for the financial security and to allow us to build our savings. The smaller home/outgoings also allowed me to cut my hours to part time while the children were younger so we were happy to make the sacrifices as the benefits outweighed the cons.

Our local area is mostly made up of large new build houses that cost above average for the city we live in. All of our acquaintances and friends have much larger homes than us, and were often surprised when they discovered we lived in such a small, modest flat. Especially as we both have 'good' careers.

We have a combined income of approx 80-95k (depending on bonuses) and have managed to save a good chunk for a house deposit. The market has been terrible for a while and we haven't found anything we like, so decided to also look for bigger rentals to give us a little more space while we house hunt.

A 3 bed rental came up locally and we went for it. After a month of living there, the landlord had some major family issues and notified us they would need to sell unexpectedly. We still hadn't found a place to buy that we liked, then the landlord made us a great offer to buy our current place.

The cost of the house was less than our saved deposit so we decided to make a cash offer and buy the place mortgage free. The deal is finally complete and we are really happy here.

Here's the AIBU. Anytime someone finds out we've moved, the first question they ask is if we are still renting or have bought. I don't know why, but it's really bugging me. Never would it cross my mind to ask someone their renting/home owner status. I'm finding it very intrusive.

Would they still be asking this question if we had previously lived in a similar home to theirs? Do they see us being 'beneath' them for being renters rather than owners?

The first few times I was asked I simply changed the subject and didn't answer, but it keeps happening. These people aren't even close friends, just local acquaintances.

I've eventually started telling them we are still renting as I feel telling them we bought outright would open the door to even more uncomfortable questions.

Is it me, or is it intrusive of people to ask someone (that they don't know very well) this?

My real friends haven't once asked my rental/owner status. Why do random people seem to think they have a right to this knowledge?

AIBU to find this question intrusive and unnecessary?

I think you are wwwaaayyy overthinking this. If there aren't many rentals, it seems likely that people are probably interested in whether you're planning to stay permanently or potentially thinking of moving somewhere else as rentals tend to be less of a permanent commitment. No need to discuss your mortgage situation. We own our house outright and have never had that come up in conversation.

I find this so strange. In my social circles, it would be completely normal to talk about being in the process of/buying a house.
No nosiness, purely along the lines of "Oh very exciting good luck with it"/ "Yes we are thrilled."

I don't understand why you're giving it so much head space. Renting/ buying/ mortgages etc it's all just general chat. Like talking about the weather. Yes, we bought the house. Job done.

Reading back and seeing that most people would only congratulate those that have bought and not those that have moved into a new rental really confirms the point I was trying to make.

People do see renting as 'less than' buying. And this is why my back is up when these acquaintances immediately ask if I've bought or still rent.

A simple 'why do you need to know' is exactly how I will deal with this in future. Thank you for the good advice.

I agree overthinking.
The problem with this small lie is has the potential to lead to more lies. For example, if you’re asked when your planning to buy or further down the line imagine your having a new kitchen fitted and your asked if the landlord gave you any input into it. What do you say?

I think thats a good idea- the "why do you need to know"

Also, I know people who have celebrated moving into a nice rental property! I dont understand this idea that if you move into a rental it's always bound to be shit and so whats the point of having a housewarming? some rentals are quite lovely

Also, I know plenty of people who have decorated their rentals - its not impossible!

I cannot ever imagine asking anyone such a nosey intrusive question.

Yanbu not to wish to discuss your business with randomers.

It's not small talk.
It's nosey, and its rude.

"Why do you want to know?" is a great response.

We stayed in our last rental for the best part of 10 years and our children attended the local school.

Renting isn't an indicator of how long you are planning on staying somewhere.

People are nosy and instantly asking the status of our rental/owner situation confirms this.

please don’t do that op people don’t talk like that irl.
people won’t be talking about if you rent or own anymore they’ll be talking about how rudely you responded to perfectly normal question.

Why do you want to know?" is a great response
Clearly the answer would be ' i was just wondering if you had any plans for any renovations or making any changes' ( things that you cant normally do in a rental)

As people have said, people ask just to keep conversation going rather than giving two hoots what others are doing. No one cares!

It’s just a conversation starter, if you say you’ve bought then it leads to other chat about decorations, improvements etc. things you can’t necessarily do when you’re renting.

Just say you bought it? They'll assume you've got a mortgage.

We paid off our mortgage in our early 30s due to the unexpected sudden death of my fil. Only our closest friends and family know that we own outright. No need to tell others. It really hasn't come up in conversation.

I don’t think it was good advice. To me, if I’d asked just to make conversation, it would come across as extremely defensive, unnecessary and plain rude. I think you have a bee in your bonnet about people looking down on renters, which I don’t think is generally true. Look at estate agent windows in wealthy areas and you’ll see loads of very expensive rental places advertised.

ooo ooo I've got one
Them "did you rent or buy?"
You "neither, we are cuckooing the old lady who lives there"

Guaranteed to stop the questions

“Why do you ask?” is a little terse and defensive. The idea of having a way to reply without answering is good though. Better still is distancing yourself from people that make you feel uncomfortable and judged.

I usually go with a joking reply when I don’t want to answer a prying question. “Oh, we’re squatting! Please don’t tell anyone. The owner is in the Caribbean and we are hoping they won’t notice.”

You aren’t wrong that people judge others based on this info. You also will not be likely to be able to keep it a secret for long.

terse works for me, not sure why its defensive?

This. In the case of friends….But it’s quite rude to ask if you don’t know someone well!

I tell loads of people I rent but I actually own outright. None of their business. Also really helps when someone knocks on your door offering guttering, driveways etc as I simply say sorry it's not my property 😂

Yes, the only reason people congratulate someone on their new home is because they secretly judge renters. Not because they recognise it's an exciting and maybe stressful milestone for someone.

I’m the sort of person that would look puzzled on purpose and say, “Why do you want to know?”.

it seems a weird thing to lie about. just say year we bought it. the assumption will be mortgage and if they also for monetary details tell them it's private.

A women three doors down told DP that she could no longer talk to us as she had bought her council house! I still laugh about that and referred to her as Mrs Bucket from then on.

i have a weird situation in that i live in a nice area in a expensive house and also a rental property that i put a big deposit down on but am in a tight financial situation my house has lots of defects ( bit of mould, broken windows / door kitchens broken drawers hanging off you get the picture property rich income poor

i am a little awkward around chit chat that involves money recently another mum let slip her garden renovations cost 70k. She doesn't know but ive been at the food bank this week

people are always casually saying things like we've done Disney and centre parks so want to do something different this year while i am going nowhere st all with my kids because we have no money ( i bought some paints from b and m today which felt really decadent spending

everyone is asking if we are going away which i fucking hate as idle chit chat as each time its asked i die of mum guilt shame

poverty shame and judgement is dumb in such a horrible cost of living crisis

It may, but doesn’t work for everyone. I prefer not to create unnecessary tension and emotion with people who I want to keep at a distance. I want them to have neutral feelings when they see me, so try not to manufacture reasons for them to think I’m either a dear or a witch.

I do think it comes across as defensive.

🤣