AIBU to not let my husbands family meet my newborn baby despite letting my family meet the baby?

[hello1999]

This post is going to be short as I gave birth 2 days ago and I'm exhausted 😅. We got home from the hospital this morning, I had a few complications during birth so they kept me at the hospital overnight. But my daughter is healthy and she is perfect.

My family came to visit at the hospital yesterday. My parents, my older brother and my older sister all came to visit. I didn't mind them being there, we are a close family so I wasn't bothered by them visiting. My mum and dad are staying with me and my husband for another 2 weeks to help us. And my siblings visited my house today, they stayed for dinner, and it was nice to chat to them without worrying about the fact I feel awful right now. However, I have asked my husbands parents and his siblings to wait a week before visiting us. Mainly because I don't feel comfortable being around people who aren't my close family whilst I am still in pain and adjusting to motherhood. I need a week to atleast figure out my routine.

My husband has no issue with this but my mother in law and my sister in law have sent multiple texts telling me that I am being selfish. They said that the baby is their family too so they should be able to meet the baby at the same time as my family. Apparently my pain can't be "bad enough" to stop me from having visitors over. According to my mother in law, back in her day, people gave birth and just got on with life. No fuss.

AIBU?

Sorry this post is short and might be lacking context. I am so tired.

I agree with this. Cue a few years time and you’ll be upset that they don’t have anything to do with your kid

I was about to click YABU until I read the lack of empathy being demonstrated by your MIL. Given she lacks understanding of compassion and is not on your inner circle justifiably.

My husband is perfectly fine. He says he understands and has been really supportive

If the in-laws had a genuine kind and loving relationship with the op she wouldn’t want to ban them for a week 🤷🏻‍♀️

maybe they need to look at themselves.

Comments such as they don’t want to see you just the baby aren’t nice either. Like ops just an incubator. Going to make her feel so much better about seeing them.

You are being massively unreasonable.

Let me get my crystal ball out. In 2 years time you’ll be on here moaning that your husbands family don’t care.

catch yourself on. They are as much your baby’s family as your family are. You are behaving appallingly.

He’d prefer them to meet his baby.

I can’t actually believe you typed that to an exhausted, stressed new mother.

You can give your view without being nasty.

People are not being harsh. You asked if you are being unreasonable and the truth is that you are. If you had not seen anyone, or perhaps even just your mother, that’s one thing. But for half the baby’s family to be staying while the other half can’t even come for fifteen minutes is very unfair. If you don’t want to see them, let DH have the baby while they meet it. And if you can’t be parted from the baby for a second, grin and bear it. Because they are the child’s family too.

Are you willing to give your MIL a chance to help out?

Yabu it’s you AND your dh baby.His parents are your child’s grandparents too. I’m not surprised they’re upset. They want to see their new grandchild. I can understand asking friends/extended family to wait a while but not grandparents.

Who wants to be away from their very newborn baby for an hour?! I was paving the corridor like a tigress when they took mine off for some kind of test for 20 minutes when she was new and they were medical staff!

Sorry but YABVU and cruel. I hope my
sons' future wives never treat me or my daughter in this way.

It sounds like you’ve got a great support system so I’ve got to be honest your excuses don’t wash and YABU, let them visit. They’ll only stay an hour probably and the novelty does wear off. I wouldn’t be too harsh, you never know when you might need them for help in the future!!!

There must be some history. Are you telling the truth to yourself/us op or are you using this to get back at them for something?

you are equal parents to your husband, equally responsible for your baby. I can absolutely get that you don’t want to entertain people you don’t know well. That’s fine. What is not fine is saying no one can entertain them and they can’t see their grandchild. ‘I can’t be too far from my baby’ is patently nonsense, when ‘too far’ means 10m and the baby is with 5 other loving adults who could bring baby to you in approx 2 seconds if the baby needed just you.

I so support the public heath advice about limiting visitors after birth to protect new babies from infection etc..but as you've had so many visitors this does feel really cruel.
Your choice but so imbalanced

Siblings staying for dinner and chatting being equated to helping with the baby while the other set of grandparents have been barred is always going to look like favouritism rather than pragmatism.

When I gave birth I was desperate for my mum to help me with breastfeeding, and just mother ME a bit while I got used to mothering my baby. I completely get it. My mum turned up and got on with helping, she was never a guest or needed me to be ‘on’ - it’s so hard as they obviously want to meet the baby but I do understand why it’s different

It's threads like this that make me understand why people - particularly women - want daughters and not sons. The maternal family/the baby's mother's family always trump the paternal family/the baby's father's family, and from the onset they are in their grandchildrens lives more...

@hello1999

Your husband's family may be acting up now, because you are not letting them see the baby, but you can hardly blame them, after they have been treated as third rate.

YABU.

How do your in-laws know you have let your own family and not them meet your baby?

It's a good job that I don't care what you think then isn't it? 🙄

I'm not a mother in law ..I am a mum of 2 boys and after I had them, I welcomed a visit from my inlaws and dhs siblings. Did I feel up to it? Not particularly but they are family and I was happy to give them half an hour to meet their grandsons/nephews and then have longer visits a few days later when I did feel more human

I get often relationship with in laws isn't the same as with your own family but I couldn't exclude them. Especially when several members of your family have been round for periods of time

Due to various circumstances, my elder DD is the only grandchild PILs got to cuddle as a newborn. (They have 5 in total).

FIL, a big gruff ex rugby player, gets very teary at the thought. None of us knew how much it had meant to him until DD1 was in her teens.

did you never sleep yourself then? When their father and 4 grandparents were there to watch baby for example?

He’s lying to you to try and keep
the peace.

Go for a nap, let DH introduce the baby. YABU to not let them come at all.