AIBU to not let my husbands family meet my newborn baby despite letting my family meet the baby?

[hello1999]

This post is going to be short as I gave birth 2 days ago and I'm exhausted 😅. We got home from the hospital this morning, I had a few complications during birth so they kept me at the hospital overnight. But my daughter is healthy and she is perfect.

My family came to visit at the hospital yesterday. My parents, my older brother and my older sister all came to visit. I didn't mind them being there, we are a close family so I wasn't bothered by them visiting. My mum and dad are staying with me and my husband for another 2 weeks to help us. And my siblings visited my house today, they stayed for dinner, and it was nice to chat to them without worrying about the fact I feel awful right now. However, I have asked my husbands parents and his siblings to wait a week before visiting us. Mainly because I don't feel comfortable being around people who aren't my close family whilst I am still in pain and adjusting to motherhood. I need a week to atleast figure out my routine.

My husband has no issue with this but my mother in law and my sister in law have sent multiple texts telling me that I am being selfish. They said that the baby is their family too so they should be able to meet the baby at the same time as my family. Apparently my pain can't be "bad enough" to stop me from having visitors over. According to my mother in law, back in her day, people gave birth and just got on with life. No fuss.

AIBU?

Sorry this post is short and might be lacking context. I am so tired.

We haven't had either side of the family on the first week for any of our kids, so understand your feelings OP. I had C-section every time and it takes a few days to recover.

But I wouldn't have had my side of the family over, and then prevent my husband's parents to come... It is selfish yes, but mainly it's just plain mean.

I can understand having your parents at home to help, but you had "visitors" as well.

An hour with the baby downstairs whilst you rest doesn't need to be a big drama.

Honestly while I entirely get that you might not be up for seeing in-laws as you are exhausted and a bit all over the place there is no real reason they couldn’t come over for an hour at some point in the evening each day, have a coffee with your husband and have him bring his baby down for 20-30 minutes for them to all meet their new relative. I get not being able to relax with them away so napping might not be an option but you could read a book chapter or listen to a little music or just physically rest. You would be just upstairs if needed and husband could pop your baby back up anytime they were unsettled.

So your siblings are allowed, but new GPs not. Yes I'd be pissed off.

It’s their grandchild though.

YABU, it’s your husband’s baby too and his family should be afforded the same opportunity to see the baby as yours have been. As a mother of sons I would be desperately upset if I was treated that way.

So Fathers and their families don't mean jack shit and have no say in anything because they don't suffer anything physically. Righty ho.

If you want to meet a newborn with zero fucks about the mother then you are treating her as such, and yeah it is ridiculous.

Oh it’s one of those AIBU threads where the OP only wants validation.

I guess it’s because we’re all one family technically, for the children’s sake now. My parents had met the baby (due to looking after the toddler) so it felt like we should treat everyone equally.

This must be a ragebaiting post. “I don’t have much time to post” but she has answer all the questions and replied to pretty much everyone.
I’m the mother of a girl and if I see my daughter behave like that to her in-laws I will be very upset. Seeing her siblings and her family every day, sitting down and eating while the other side don’t even get a look to the baby through the window. And a million of lame excuses why.
I just can’t with some women.

And moaning that they don't ever help with Childcare

This 100%

They'll have zero fucks about her as the child grows up as well when she asks for their help. Poor baby used as a weapon at 2 days old.

Oh shut up 🤣
I have not at all said anything about knowing the inlaws and the word ‘probably’ means possibly but not with certainty
What is unbelievably arrogant is the righteous indignation that you and many other posters have when you make up your own narrative
I defer to your knowledge of the family, are you one of the siblings?
Dont bother responding, I wont engage

She had enough time and energy to post on Mumsnet and hope to get validation for using her newborn as a weapon though.

For real!

Yet more irony from @Blueberrybonanza and engagement too. 😂

After sleeping on it I've realised that this must be rage bait, nobody can be this stupid.

I have similar sounding in laws OP, there is a correct way to do things in their mind. They wanted to see my first straight away and I held them off for two weeks. I was just about ready by then. With our second, I invited them round from minute one (MIL came to do childcare for the eldest) and they were absolutely shocked by how out of it I was. My FIL actually sat us all down in the living room and gave us a talking to about how emotional I was and how it wasn’t appropriate. I’m being serious - some people just do not have the sensitivity to be able to handle newly postpartum mums and I’d wager your instincts are probably correct. You do you. This will all be forgot about in a few months.

As pp have said it's a definite double standard. They'll never forget this when you want childcare or help in the future. That being said I understand why you don't want visitors while you try to establish a routine. Breast feeding can be hard.

I suppose what I don't get is why you haven't given your DH the same opportunity? A chance to establish how to support you, how to support the baby?
Assuming he's employed he'll have 2 weeks off to get into a rhythm and you have filled your home with your family. Your mum and sister are helping you and your dad and brother are helping with the house. What's your DH doing?

You have 2 weeks to whip him into shape, don't let him off the hook.

So no mention of the MIL and SIL bullying her, not to speak of the numerous posters on here. I suspect some of them are angry males.

If you regret posting OP you can have the thread pulled.

I think i was very fortunate that both sides of family visited while I was still in hospital. I knew I wanted this because I didn't want either side coming to my house straight afterwards!

Everyone is different.

Reading back your posts about your in-laws expecting you to host when heavily pregnant i hope you said no and I hope your dh did all the 'hosting' - if not, that needs to be the pattern going forward IMHO.

If you stick to your boundaries that is good.

But I answered honestly when I said I think not letting them see baby for a week is not good.

It's not like you're not letting them come at all - You've just said a week! I don't think YBU. Having your own mum and dad there is completely different: they're there for you not just the baby and your recovery and wellbeing is extremely important. My in-laws came to the hospital the day I had my DD - all fine, they stayed for like an hour and left which was great. But then they came again 4 days pp and oh my goodness they stayed all day for like 11 hours. I kept going off to cry and they just wouldn't leave and kept just wanting to take photos and change her into different outfits etc - it was not what I needed at all.
It's okay to just want your mum/dad after something huge like having a baby. Id definitely ask your DH to speak them and explain.

I suspect a lot of he ones agreeing with the OP favouring her side completely and saying g things like the father only jizzed in her are angry females.

Oh piss off with the man hating.