AIBU to not let my husbands family meet my newborn baby despite letting my family meet the baby?

[hello1999]

This post is going to be short as I gave birth 2 days ago and I'm exhausted 😅. We got home from the hospital this morning, I had a few complications during birth so they kept me at the hospital overnight. But my daughter is healthy and she is perfect.

My family came to visit at the hospital yesterday. My parents, my older brother and my older sister all came to visit. I didn't mind them being there, we are a close family so I wasn't bothered by them visiting. My mum and dad are staying with me and my husband for another 2 weeks to help us. And my siblings visited my house today, they stayed for dinner, and it was nice to chat to them without worrying about the fact I feel awful right now. However, I have asked my husbands parents and his siblings to wait a week before visiting us. Mainly because I don't feel comfortable being around people who aren't my close family whilst I am still in pain and adjusting to motherhood. I need a week to atleast figure out my routine.

My husband has no issue with this but my mother in law and my sister in law have sent multiple texts telling me that I am being selfish. They said that the baby is their family too so they should be able to meet the baby at the same time as my family. Apparently my pain can't be "bad enough" to stop me from having visitors over. According to my mother in law, back in her day, people gave birth and just got on with life. No fuss.

AIBU?

Sorry this post is short and might be lacking context. I am so tired.

So you are telling the OP, who does know her in laws, that her opinions on their expectations are 'nonsense' because, despite not knowing them at all, you assume that they can't think like this. That's very ironic isn't it!

Any woman who bullies another one who is immediately post partum, exhausted and in pain, is thoroughly unkind. You have completely ignored the MIl's nasty, dismissive comments in forming your opinion that the OP is talking nonsense.

Doesn’t sound like you had a bad birth experience so i reallly don’t get that you need 5 people’s “help” post partum 🙄 all seems a bit wet.

I totally agree with this. You are giving a clear message to your in laws whether you think so or not.

Exactly. Unfortunately, the MN bullies seem to be out in full force on this thread.

Nothing wrong with the word. Get yourself a bucket.

Amazing how so many people know the OP's mind better than she does!

A man wouldn't be recovering from the birth! What a ridiculous comparison.

"I don't like when my baby is away from me for too long 😭. I can't relax"

This is all completely natural.

Why not invite them dir a cuppa while you are present maybe an hour before baby due fir a nap. Husband does all the 'hosting ' and after an hour you and baby go up fir a nap and relatives leave.

If one of my son's had a baby and I was not allowed to meet baby fir a week, I would feel very sad.

Just FYI I are responding to your initial page. I did nit see this was 29 pages long!

YABU!

Why on earth is OP's baby a 'poor mite'? It's not a Victorian orphan in a Dickens novel. The baby couldn't give a shit that its paternal grandparents have been asked to wait a week to see him/her.

It's obvious that OP's MIL is a complete bitch to send such a message to her newly post-partum DIL. Why didn't she just complain to her own son? The fact that OP's DH isn't bothered about his mum visiting speaks volumes.

I only have sons, I would find this incredibly hurtful if my DILs had done this.
Yes I get they wouldn't want me in the delivery room (well one did) but anyone who visits a newborn knows you are not going to sit there all day and to not expect the mum to put on a show.
You have put your siblings above the baby's grandparents which is unforgivable in my book.
Your husband whilst likely deferring to you is probably very hurt.

In terms of your in-laws would expect i think it is good to put a stop to such expectations on their part. Any nasty comments could be met with "i know you are here to see baby so my appearance isn't an issue."

Yes you are, sorry.

YABU. They are as much family as your relatives. It's not fair to treat the grandparents etc differently and you might regret it in future when you want support with childcare. It doesn't have to be a long visit and you can warn them you are not feeling well. They might even want to help you.

"I'd have doubled down and made them wait longer" Using a newborn as weapon to play games with. Nice. How very Jeremy Kyle Show.

My god calm down. Overreaction much?

So not only do you think you know the OP's in laws better than she does but you also know the OP's husband better too?! What unbelievable arrogance!

I'm sure a lot of mothers of sons might be upset in this situation but hopefully they would either keep their feelings to themselves like an adult or speak to their son. The fact that they have sent multiple bullying messages to the mother within the first 2 days after birth shows clearly what sort of people they are.

I dont know why you have written on here OP., you are not taking any notice of what anybody says. You dont like your In-laws end of story. Your husband sounds like he is just keeping the peace but im sure he is hurt that his family are not allowed to see the new addition to thier, yes Thier! , family. You are not the only women to have a baby even though your acting like it. Get over yourself and let them see the baby.

Family wanting to meet Baby doesn't make the mother an "incubator" How ridiculous

i dont think you are being unreasonable to say you want a week with your husband,your parents and siblings only whilst you recover from birth.
A week to recover mentally and physically before having your in laws round sounds reasonable. Waiting a week wont harm your in laws .
A mum not wanting to be away from a 2 day old baby is normal.
Good luck with your recovery.

Wiow. Another random MN poster who apparently knows the OP's DH's feelings better than she does and then tries to bully her just like the MIL.
It's their by the way.

They should not be sending nasty messages. You should have let them visit for an hour.

The fact that they are bullying her repeatedly suggests exactly that though.

If your Father is nothing more to you than someone who jizzed in your mother that's your problem, don't degrade and reduce all Fathers to that please.