Page 25 | AIBU to not let my husbands family meet my newborn baby despite letting my family meet the baby?

hello1999 · 2026-07-24T20:46:38+00:00

This post is going to be short as I gave birth 2 days ago and I'm exhausted 😅. We got home from the hospital this morning, I had a few complications during birth so they kept me at the hospital overnight. But my daughter is healthy and she is perfect. My family came to visit at the hospital yesterday. My parents, my older brother and my older sister all came to visit. I didn't mind them being there, we are a close family so I wasn't bothered by them visiting. My mum and dad are staying with me and my husband for another 2 weeks to help us. And my siblings visited my house today, they stayed for dinner, and it was nice to chat to them without worrying about the fact I feel awful right now. However, I have asked my husbands parents and his siblings to wait a week before visiting us. Mainly because I don't feel comfortable being around people who aren't my close family whilst I am still in pain and adjusting to motherhood. I need a week to atleast figure out my routine. My husband has no issue with this but my mother in law and my sister in law have sent multiple texts telling me that I am being selfish. They said that the baby is their family too so they should be able to meet the baby at the same time as my family. Apparently my pain can't be "bad enough" to stop me from having visitors over. According to my mother in law, back in her day, people gave birth and just got on with life. No fuss. AIBU? Sorry this post is short and might be lacking context. I am so tired.

PeachesxBDA · 25/07/2026 01:41

sittingonabeach · 25/07/2026 01:40

I had complications straight after giving birth, would have been in serious trouble if consultant hadn’t sorted it. I was away with the fairies whilst that was happening, DH was fully aware of what was going on and had to be my advocate. It was pretty horrible for him to witness and know what was going on, whereas I have very little memory of it.

Also becoming a parent is quite traumatic in itself especially the first time. Why wouldn’t a new dad want support from his parents. To be fair he might want support from his side of the family if all his wife’s family had descended and moved in for 2 weeks!

Well, maybe he knows he wouldn't get any support from his family, hence he doesn't want to see them for a few days.

Skippythemeh · 25/07/2026 01:42

PeachesxBDA · 25/07/2026 01:37

Well, he doesn't seem to need or want his mum if he is completely supportive of his wife. Maybe because he knows what his mum is like.

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But I’m not taking about this poster and her situation.

@thatgreenjuniper is laughing at the idea of ANY man ever needing support from his mum after his partner has given birth. It literally happens hundreds of times a day. Men watch their partners almost die all over the world, during childbirth. They are the men who might need their mum. Why is that funny?

And she also laughed at the idea of a woman needing support when her husband is having life threatening issues. Is that actually funny?

People do ask their parents to come and hell them when their spouse has almost died. It is traumatic, and awful and debilitating. How is that funny?

It reinforces for me that their posts are nothing to pay attention to. Someone who cannot think through those scenarios or laughs at them is not emotionally intelligent.

PeachesxBDA · 25/07/2026 01:43

MustWeDoThis · 25/07/2026 01:32

Look, if you're not going to let your husband's family see the baby - You need to accept the consequences of your choices. They are allowed their own feelings and opinions, just as much as you've had yours.

What I'm saying, is - You've made your bed now lie in it. You are literally digging your own grave with every excuse in the book.

Your baby will not be going anywhere. You've said you had a rough time, but your husband will also be going through massive changes. Your husband has allowed you the grace of choice, so stop being self-centered and offer your husband the grace of choice in return, by allowing his family around. Allow him to also celebrate these precious, few days with his own family. Men have mental health as well! He just seems too soft to stand up to you.

It's an hour or two at most! I've had 3 extremely rough pregnancies and births. It takes a village to raise a child and you're burning a village to the ground before you find out what help you might need from them in the future. It's not all about you. You can go off to bed or a bath, take care of your own needs for a few hours while both families fuss over baby and hubby. Take every quiet hour you can get because you'll need it.

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His choice is to not have his family over yet. And the way they have carried on it is no wonder.

Calliopespa · 25/07/2026 01:44

thatgreenjuniper · 25/07/2026 01:41

but the OP is allowed privacy for a start, it has been 2 DAYS and she has asked for a couple more days

The DH family has also made it clear they were only interested in the baby anyway, they are not there for support. They try to have a claim on the baby.

No way on earth would I just disappear upstairs or in the shower leaving my baby just because MIL has decided she has a right to intrude. No way would I let anyone kick me out of my own living room!

And I'd expect DH to react just as badly if he was told he could leave the room and occupy himself in the shower or something while people grab the baby took selfies with his baby

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She only has to leave the room (and doesn't have to actually) because she doesn't want them judging her appearance. They haven't specified that.

PeachesxBDA · 25/07/2026 01:45

Skippythemeh · 25/07/2026 01:42

But I’m not taking about this poster and her situation.

@thatgreenjuniper is laughing at the idea of ANY man ever needing support from his mum after his partner has given birth. It literally happens hundreds of times a day. Men watch their partners almost die all over the world, during childbirth. They are the men who might need their mum. Why is that funny?

And she also laughed at the idea of a woman needing support when her husband is having life threatening issues. Is that actually funny?

People do ask their parents to come and hell them when their spouse has almost died. It is traumatic, and awful and debilitating. How is that funny?

It reinforces for me that their posts are nothing to pay attention to. Someone who cannot think through those scenarios or laughs at them is not emotionally intelligent.

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Yes, fair enough a man may want his family. But in this case I think it is clear why he isn't seeking support from his family.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 25/07/2026 01:47

sittingonabeach · 25/07/2026 01:23

@hello1999 if your DH said he wanted his parents to stay for a few days to support him being a new parent what would you have said?

You're hilarious. Sure, their poor son is bleeding from his torn penis after birthing his child. His nipples are cracked and bleeding, or leaking milk. It's not even comparable. Muppet.

Calliopespa · 25/07/2026 01:47

MageKing · 25/07/2026 01:36

Op, I have sympathy with you not feeling comfortable. But there are vetter ways ro manage this. You can ask your dh to facilitate this. If you think they might make digs at your appearance, he should step in immediately. If you aren't comfortable, you can go upstairs for 30 minutes. You keep saying you are not comfortable far away from your baby but a short shower is not far away. Yku can also make it clear to your dh yhat yoh wont be "hostinf". Cups of tea, snacks etc are his department (or your mum could help as she is staying over anyway).

You do sound like you are purposefully putting obstacles in the way. And while you might feel more comfortable with your own family, surely you can see why they feel slighted?

This OP.

And honestly, any comments on your looks are too juvenile to be bothered about. You look how you look and them saying anything or not saying anything doesn't change it.

You could ask DH to say they must not comment on how you look if they come to visit, but imo that would only create a focus on it.

sittingonabeach · 25/07/2026 01:48

I bet DH has very little say in the matter.

How much help do you need in the house with DH, parents and siblings?

thatgreenjuniper · 25/07/2026 01:48

Skippythemeh · 25/07/2026 01:42

But I’m not taking about this poster and her situation.

@thatgreenjuniper is laughing at the idea of ANY man ever needing support from his mum after his partner has given birth. It literally happens hundreds of times a day. Men watch their partners almost die all over the world, during childbirth. They are the men who might need their mum. Why is that funny?

And she also laughed at the idea of a woman needing support when her husband is having life threatening issues. Is that actually funny?

People do ask their parents to come and hell them when their spouse has almost died. It is traumatic, and awful and debilitating. How is that funny?

It reinforces for me that their posts are nothing to pay attention to. Someone who cannot think through those scenarios or laughs at them is not emotionally intelligent.

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if you think the person who did not go through the physical trauma is the one who can impose HIS visitors and dismiss the needs of the person who is actually recovering,

you are the one who lacks any kind of intelligence, or you have very odd priorities.

GentleHedgehog · 25/07/2026 01:51

Theyre your child's family too and unless they're horrible people, its truly sad that you're playing top trumps. You could have left it to your husband to invite his family round, and host them too. I was knackered after I had my 1st child, I was flat out asleep in the bedroom when husband's parents came round next day. Husband hosted, they stayed a couple of hours and It was perfectly fine. Still, I suppose you've set your line now that your parents and siblings come first so, it is what it is.

Skippythemeh · 25/07/2026 01:52

thatgreenjuniper · 25/07/2026 01:48

if you think the person who did not go through the physical trauma is the one who can impose HIS visitors and dismiss the needs of the person who is actually recovering,

you are the one who lacks any kind of intelligence, or you have very odd priorities.

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You’ve never worked in mental health have you?

I started at childline when I was 18. Rape crisis at 21. Then GAMH (specialised in elderly with mental health illnesses). Also the crisis team. My priorities are fine. When you have spent as much of your life on the care of others in crisis, then you come and talk to me about priorities.

Men who have to stand there and watch their partner, mother of their children, almost die or actually die, absolutely need support and are actually equally entitled to it. Allowing them that support does not remove support from women.

i won’t say what I think of your comments because it would get me banned, but laughing at the idea of that? You should be ashamed. You actually laughed at the idea of a man needing help from his parents. Disgusting. Truly, disgusting. You should be ashamed.

PeachesxBDA · 25/07/2026 01:52

youplonkerdave · 25/07/2026 01:41

I think OP not wanting them there to meet the GC is giving them a reason to ‘hate her guts’. It’ll be difficult to come back from this.

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If they are that type of people then I would say it is no loss.

99bottlesofkombucha · 25/07/2026 01:53

I think, with a supportive husband, you do a brief visit and hello, the sooner after the birth the better as it’s a very solid reason to not be your sociable self or look good, sweep them out the door and they’ve met the baby. Then he can say no more visits for a week or two it’s tough going recovering here, we’re so glad you could meet Bub, well let you know :)

Jellycatspyjamas · 25/07/2026 01:54

hello1999 · 24/07/2026 23:08

Honestly I've been crying since I made this post. The comments are a lot. But I'm trying to read in hopes I find comments that are genuinly trying to get me to understand the other perspective. And I'm trying to ignore the really nasty comments. One thing I should clarify about my siblings being there is that me and my siblings are 1 years apart. They are twins, I'm a year younger. We are best friends. And truly having them here is so helpful.

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I’m sure they are helpful to you, what a shame your DH can’t have his family around him to help him. While he hasn’t given birth, he’s a new father with all the change that goes with it. I can’t believe you think it’s fine that his family don’t get to celebrate the birth of his child, that he can’t proudly show off his new arrival to the people who raised him the way you have with your family.

PeachesxBDA · 25/07/2026 01:54

GentleHedgehog · 25/07/2026 01:51

Theyre your child's family too and unless they're horrible people, its truly sad that you're playing top trumps. You could have left it to your husband to invite his family round, and host them too. I was knackered after I had my 1st child, I was flat out asleep in the bedroom when husband's parents came round next day. Husband hosted, they stayed a couple of hours and It was perfectly fine. Still, I suppose you've set your line now that your parents and siblings come first so, it is what it is.

We already know they are horrible people - they sent nasty messages to OP.

ScrollingLeaves · 25/07/2026 01:55

Darragon · 25/07/2026 00:35

OP I don’t think you should make yourself read this thread anymore, it’s attracted some vicious bullies and you don’t need this toxicity when you’re pp. 💐 Just do you and worry about the rest later (and maybe ask mn to take this thread down as it’s a vicious pile on and those posters are going to just keep bashing you over the head and you don’t need that rn). A week is no time to wait after 9 months, and good ILs would understand. 💐

Yes, I agree.

Calliopespa · 25/07/2026 01:56

99bottlesofkombucha · 25/07/2026 01:53

I think, with a supportive husband, you do a brief visit and hello, the sooner after the birth the better as it’s a very solid reason to not be your sociable self or look good, sweep them out the door and they’ve met the baby. Then he can say no more visits for a week or two it’s tough going recovering here, we’re so glad you could meet Bub, well let you know :)

Yes, I agree with this OP. The sooner you do it, the easier it will be to say you need space thereafter.

I also don't think it needs to be an hour, given you are in pain. Half an hour is sufficient: the baby hasn't got lots of news to tell them!

Perhaps DH could offer to take them round to a local cafe for a chat after to catch up on his news while you rest and after they have seen the baby - which also means he chooses when they leave the house.

sittingonabeach · 25/07/2026 01:57

99bottlesofkombucha · 25/07/2026 01:53

I think, with a supportive husband, you do a brief visit and hello, the sooner after the birth the better as it’s a very solid reason to not be your sociable self or look good, sweep them out the door and they’ve met the baby. Then he can say no more visits for a week or two it’s tough going recovering here, we’re so glad you could meet Bub, well let you know :)

Exactly

And if OP was capable of having take away with her siblings the day she came out of hospital, I’m sure a quick visit from in-laws when she could make herself scarce if she wants wouldn’t be too much effort.

thatgreenjuniper · 25/07/2026 01:58

Skippythemeh · 25/07/2026 01:52

You’ve never worked in mental health have you?

I started at childline when I was 18. Rape crisis at 21. Then GAMH (specialised in elderly with mental health illnesses). Also the crisis team. My priorities are fine. When you have spent as much of your life on the care of others in crisis, then you come and talk to me about priorities.

Men who have to stand there and watch their partner, mother of their children, almost die or actually die, absolutely need support and are actually equally entitled to it. Allowing them that support does not remove support from women.

i won’t say what I think of your comments because it would get me banned, but laughing at the idea of that? You should be ashamed. You actually laughed at the idea of a man needing help from his parents. Disgusting. Truly, disgusting. You should be ashamed.

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oh please,

Yes I am laughing that the OP who is recovered from pregnancy and a difficult childbirth is being dismissed by some posters, but her husband should be the one needing his mum to support HIS recovery.

Yes, I am laughing at posters so enrage that MIL have no priority they want to explain that the husband has more right and need for support than his wife.

YOU should be ashamed of having so little regards for a new mum. if you treat everyone in crisis with that much disdain, that's terrifying.

ToThePoint2026 · 25/07/2026 01:59

That's unreasonable and unfair to treat one side different to the other and not something I have ever even considered after all of ours. Every single family member was welcome on both sides

Sunseaandtea · 25/07/2026 01:59

The irony is the Ops daughter may be far more alike in looks & nature to her mil. Genetic research shows a sons daughter has more of his mother's DNA than the maternal grandmother. The birth mum would be as well to get used to this from the beginning & embrace this similarity from the start.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/07/2026 02:00

hello1999 · 25/07/2026 01:21

Based on the way they are invalidating my pain already, that tells me enough about what type of guests they will be. But overall they expected me to host for them when I was heavily pregnant and struggling to move around. So I can't imagine postpartum would be different. And they would make subtle comments about appearance during my pregnancy

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I do think you in-laws have been dicks making comments about your pain, and I totally get not wanting to be leaking into your pjs with be day unwashed hair around them.

but...

You have your whole family around you. DH is a grown man who can host his own parents. Your Mom will no doubt defend you if any comments are made. And DH should have a right to introduce his own child to his family without waiting months for you to permit him.

You presumably intend to shower. Tell DH to get them to come over for 5 and go get a shower whilst they're here if it pains you to be around them. You can always ask your Mom to bring baby up to you once you're finished under the guise of feeding, and then they'll either stay to spend time with their son or leave. You don't have to see them or be away from baby for longer than necessary.

it does feel like they'll always be the lesser family to your baby because your family are baby's real family and they're just the family of your husband.

thatgreenjuniper · 25/07/2026 02:00

The OP is not banning the in-laws, she just asked for a couple of days of privacy.

Who are these people making such a drama about giving a little bit of space and rest to a new mum?

Skippythemeh · 25/07/2026 02:01

thatgreenjuniper · 25/07/2026 01:58

oh please,

Yes I am laughing that the OP who is recovered from pregnancy and a difficult childbirth is being dismissed by some posters, but her husband should be the one needing his mum to support HIS recovery.

Yes, I am laughing at posters so enrage that MIL have no priority they want to explain that the husband has more right and need for support than his wife.

YOU should be ashamed of having so little regards for a new mum. if you treat everyone in crisis with that much disdain, that's terrifying.

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No, you made a point of posting asking why any man would ever need that. And also laughing at a woman who might need help when her husband had a life threatening issue.

It’s there in black and white. Everyone can see it. You’ve shown who you are.

That’s what you laughed at. And just like someone with little emotional intelligence, you’re unable to hold your hands up and say “sorry, got carried away and didn’t actually think my comment through. In this case with the OP, he doesn’t need support but my comments about any men ever were wrong.”

Here is what you said -

i would LOVE to know what support a man , or even a partner, can actually need when they're not the one who went through pregnancy and childbirth 😂
So if the husband had some kind of , I don't know, prostate surgery, his WIFE could reasonably ask her parents to support HER? 😂😂

So, you would love to know what man would need support and you laughed. I’ve told you. But you’re still laughing. Showing who you are. I’ll make sure to remember your username I guess, best to be careful who I take advice from in the future.

caringcarer · 25/07/2026 02:01

If you ever have a son how would you feel if you were not allowed to visit your grandson for a week but not only the other grandparents could but siblings too? Both sets of grandparents are equal.