AIBU to not let my husbands family meet my newborn baby despite letting my family meet the baby?

[hello1999]

This post is going to be short as I gave birth 2 days ago and I'm exhausted 😅. We got home from the hospital this morning, I had a few complications during birth so they kept me at the hospital overnight. But my daughter is healthy and she is perfect.

My family came to visit at the hospital yesterday. My parents, my older brother and my older sister all came to visit. I didn't mind them being there, we are a close family so I wasn't bothered by them visiting. My mum and dad are staying with me and my husband for another 2 weeks to help us. And my siblings visited my house today, they stayed for dinner, and it was nice to chat to them without worrying about the fact I feel awful right now. However, I have asked my husbands parents and his siblings to wait a week before visiting us. Mainly because I don't feel comfortable being around people who aren't my close family whilst I am still in pain and adjusting to motherhood. I need a week to atleast figure out my routine.

My husband has no issue with this but my mother in law and my sister in law have sent multiple texts telling me that I am being selfish. They said that the baby is their family too so they should be able to meet the baby at the same time as my family. Apparently my pain can't be "bad enough" to stop me from having visitors over. According to my mother in law, back in her day, people gave birth and just got on with life. No fuss.

AIBU?

Sorry this post is short and might be lacking context. I am so tired.

Looking at the messages they sent, and how they have upset the OP, I would say they are even more horrible than we think.

I’ve been there and done it AND let family meet the baby. Letting them meet the baby, whilst not looking or feeling my best, didn’t negatively affect my well-being. It actually brings a family closer together.

So yes, OP is making a mountain out of a molehill and possibly a rod for her own back!

Just sit on the sofa looking a mess. I doubt they will care and if they do that’s their problem.

In which case your husband can explain that you can’t see them because of their high expectations.

Seriously though I understand exactly how you’re feeling as I too was very ill with an infection after my first baby and really didnt want to see anyone apart from my own mum but I knew that it was important for my in laws to meet their grandchild.

You should allow them a brief visit and your husband should manage expectations beforehand- an hour max (or whatever you deem suitable) and you will not be up and about doing anything or looking your best as you’re not feeling good and still recovering.

Why would you have your boobs out? Weird.
The OP is conscious of her body, so sit with a pillow on your knees. I sit with a pillow on me every day to balance my cup of tea, and don’t have my boobs out.
I said, have a pillow to get comfy with and then don’t move.

This really is a very simple thing. It’s really is crazy to act like this is anything more than a very simple thing.

oh - just realised which poster you are. The one telling a woman she deserved to be left whilst pregnant. Your opinion means less than nothing so I’ll not engage with you further. I do hope mumsnet ban you soon.

Not rage bait. Thanks for letting me know I'm a horrible person

There is nothing you can say to defend your actions

Why say this to someone you don’t really know anything about?

Don't be going to any special efforts for your in-laws, stay in your pjs and be comfortable. If they have an issue with you not looking "presentable " then its their issue . Stay relaxed on the sofa and let dh make them a cuppa. Few cuddles with baby and they will be happy.

oh you are one of those!

I was a martyr so everybody should be a martyr too. Great. Well done you, you are superior.

Thankfully women don't have to put up with that nonsense anymore.

Regardless of whether you’re being U or not, anyone sending stroppy messages to a newly postpartum woman is a twat. They should be communicating with DH.

As for some posters, people need to remember this is a woman going through the massive hormone crash after birth. You can say you think she’s being unreasonable without being so vile.

Look, you aren't asking for opinions, you have made your decision and are confident you did the right thing so this thread is pointless.

Well said. So many comments advising her to suck it up 'to be kind' and 'to think of others' and push down her own thoughts and feelings and 'get on with it'. Good to see the patriarchy in full force tonight. Not to mention the other posters saying 'well I was half dead and I still let my inlaws visit - good for you. We're all different. That's ok. Good Lord, it's day 2! Day 2! She hasn't banned them for life 😂

I was in a similar position as you OP. When I had my first, it was a scheduled section. My DM was coming to the hospital later that day and as it turns out my Dsis did too (she drove DM) but I asked that my DH family didn’t visit too soon as I had surgery, catheter still in, pretty much naked from the waist down. I was in hospital a week. Lots of comments made but I stood my ground. I didn’t feel comfortable with them there and I was BF too.

your baby isn’t there to be passed around from pillar to post. If they aren’t coming to help you, then jog on until you are able to host.

but maybe the OP DOES care?

Surely a woman is allowed to have privacy in her own home?

Put up with what? Family meeting the baby? 🙄

The comments that are being polite and offering a different perspective, I am reading and taking into consideration. The other comments are just rude

Newborns cluster feed, breastfeeding can be hard to establish often with latching issues, and to someone getting to grips with that not someone weeks/months down the line there is a lot of boobs out. It’s really not that weird a concept for a new mum with a new baby.

@hello1999 I really hate these posts because cruel people on here always lay into a postpartum mother - it's appalling.

Firstly, you are absolutely right to protect your space right now. You have just given birth and are looking and feeling rough, and don't want to be seen by others (other than your own close family), that is absolutely ok.

Secondly, you'll be entering the baby blues very soon - even more reason to keep those nasty witches away from you for a week.

Thirdly, the messages they sent you were appalling - block them and have your DH have a stern word with them bullying a post-partum mother. Disgusting women.

Fourthly, I completely get it, those first handful of days at home are for you and baby to bond, establish feeding, and for you to just try to manage to rest and start your painful postpartum recovery.

People online are REALLY funny about inlaws having the same contact with newborns as your own family, which I don't agree with. I think it's very much down to what the postpartum woman feels she is most comfortable with. You are at your most vulnerable right now, and you have every right to protect your safe space and only have those who you feel comfortable around there in it.

Do NOT feel bad about this, and I'm SO glad your DH is being fully supportive of this.

One last thing, do not feel guilted into allowing them there sooner just because of a bunch of cruel people on MN. Because I guarantee you will regret it and feel resentment towards your inlaws for pressuring you before you are ready. Even more so if they are the type to take baby, and not give baby back when you want them too, then expect you to wait on them and and foot - fuck that.

You're being good letting them come after only a week, in my opinion.

Please rest and take it easy x

Not once has the OP said she is breastfeeding. Such assumptions.

She has managed to sit and have a take away with her siblings, so I think she’s managed fine without having her boobs out in full view.

If her siblings hadn’t been already round twice, and it was just her mum then maybe I could see her side. But her whole family were at the hospital and then round for dinner. Her in laws don’t even get an hour.

She isn’t feeding round the clock, and if baby is having a bad afternoon then you call the in laws and ask them to come later. Which would be met with more grace if the OP hasn’t played this game first.

and this is mumsnet - stop talking to people like they don’t know what it’s like to have a newborn 🫤

You are being very unreasonable and you know it!

But you still think you are right. The thread is just to validate your actions.

I would absolutely set your boundaries and have time limits but it wouldn’t kill you to let your husband take baby downstairs to meet his family whilst you nap so I do think it’s pretty mean. They shouldn’t be arguing with you though. Your husband should be dealing with his family.

I don't care if my parents and siblings are in the room when I am figuring out how to feed my baby. They are my parents and my older siblings, I'm not uncomfortable with them being there. I don't want my in-laws seeing me like that