AIBU to not let my husbands family meet my newborn baby despite letting my family meet the baby?

[hello1999]

This post is going to be short as I gave birth 2 days ago and I'm exhausted 😅. We got home from the hospital this morning, I had a few complications during birth so they kept me at the hospital overnight. But my daughter is healthy and she is perfect.

My family came to visit at the hospital yesterday. My parents, my older brother and my older sister all came to visit. I didn't mind them being there, we are a close family so I wasn't bothered by them visiting. My mum and dad are staying with me and my husband for another 2 weeks to help us. And my siblings visited my house today, they stayed for dinner, and it was nice to chat to them without worrying about the fact I feel awful right now. However, I have asked my husbands parents and his siblings to wait a week before visiting us. Mainly because I don't feel comfortable being around people who aren't my close family whilst I am still in pain and adjusting to motherhood. I need a week to atleast figure out my routine.

My husband has no issue with this but my mother in law and my sister in law have sent multiple texts telling me that I am being selfish. They said that the baby is their family too so they should be able to meet the baby at the same time as my family. Apparently my pain can't be "bad enough" to stop me from having visitors over. According to my mother in law, back in her day, people gave birth and just got on with life. No fuss.

AIBU?

Sorry this post is short and might be lacking context. I am so tired.

I cannot believe the stick you’re getting. From the messages she’s sent she’s clearly a menace anyway, keep her away till you’re ready. The baby is yours and your husbands. You agree so there’s zero issue. You’re asking them to wait a few days not a few months. Enjoy your baby (and let your mum help so you can rest) ❤️

Other people's feelings matter more than my physical comfort?

I'm so happy to see such a high percentage thinking you are unreasonable. I can't grasp how you could in any way think you are reasonable.

Kindly, yes YABU

My side of the family were the in laws in this situation with my DB and SIL, and we had to wait FIVE weeks whilst her family were there from day dot.

we have never said anything to them but all of us were beyond hurt and it’s inevitably impacted on our relationship with them and my niece which is so upsetting.

congrats on your new arrival

Can you not allow them to pop over for half an hour to meet your baby? I'm sure your DH would love to show off his child to them, even though full marks to him for being supportive.

Your comfort matters but if you can have someone staying in your home for two weeks (would have driven me bonkers), half an hour seems nothing.

Quite.

Or is it only some mothers that deserve support?

I'm usually Team Mom with visiting limitations but not this time.

You've had a lot of time with your family in and out and staying and I think it's only fair his family gets to come and see the baby. You're banning his family until some vague future date and maybe your husband would be comfortable with them around and happy to see them and show off the baby instead of being pushed into the background.

What's the point of posting if all your looking good for is nice supportive comments. Yes your being extremely unreasonable here! I have an awful MIL who I don't particularly like beyond pleasantries when we are in each other's company and I'd let her visit my newborn and have a cuddle. They are all family at the end of the day. This is going to go from bad to worse as I can see that your always going to put your parents before your husbands and it's going to cause ill will.

Ignore your ILs. They can wait a week, it is fine. The baby is not a show. Good for you that you set some boundaries. By the way they are texting you, it is cleat they are going to be difficult visitors and won't care about you. You own family is different - they are interested in you rather than jist the baby, and it is only normal that you feel more comfortable around them. Good luck with everything!

How would your in-law’s being in your house affect your physical comfort in relation to your own parents and siblings being in your house?

It’s not a permanent thing OP. Can DH not introduce DD to his parents while you take a well earned nap?

They are the grandparents!! Exactly equal with your parents. I just can't understand your world view at all

so why not start with the MOTHER, the woman who has just been through childbirth who matters, and how you treat her matters?

She’s dug her heels in now, she won’t be backing down.

@hello1999 you’re acting as though you’re the only person to have given birth! You are not the first and will not be the last. Everyone who has had a baby has had to deal with physical discomfort whilst letting ALL grandparents meet the baby should they wish to.

It really isn’t the big deal you’re making it out to be.

You aren't the only one in the equation.

You're being unfair.

Newborn bubble. Just you, husband and baby. Fair enough.

Your whole family over for dinner and chat, but in laws not even allowed to pop in for 1/2 an hour? Not on.

Because my in-laws would expect me to be up and about. I would have to look fairly presentable. Whereas my own mother and sister are literally helping me with postpartum stuff. My dad and my brother are helping out with the house. I feel completely comfortable looking like a mess infront of them

Why aren't you in physical discomfort with your parents there then?

Seems as though you are picking and choosing your discomfort.

Reverse right? You had your sibilings over for dinner but your hubby's parents have to stay away for a week?

Those are your expectations of yourself. You've just given birth, it's quite reasonable if you're sitting on the couch in your PJs during the visit. Your MIL has also given birth before. Women do it every day.

Don’t take any of the ridiculous posts onboard OP.
YOU are the one who has carried and given birth to your baby, with all of the physical and emotional toll that has taken. Your comfort and healing is paramount to both of you.
Anyone suggesting that you taking time to recover with the people that are closest to you is “selfish” don’t have the sense they were born with.
if it was my daughter in law I would be sending nothing but care, even if from a distance for the time being.

They are right, you are being selfish.

Run a brush through your hair and invite them over.

Surely you're on a wind up now?

Because my parents let me relax and they don't care if I'm sitting on the sofa looking like a mess.