Was MIL the AH at my wedding?

[ellie09]

Hi all

I finally had my wedding a few days ago and there was a big MIL incident.

A few small things led to a pretty big incident.

1. Despite getting a dress that matched the bridal colour scheme, she changed her mind on the day and wore bright red which clashed with the rest of the bridal party

1. Kept my partner back in the morning when he visited despite him saying he really needed to leave to get to the venue, to the point he was almost late - just so she could get photos

1. Knocked back far too many drinks within the first 2 hours and was obliterated drunk

1. Didnt speak one word to any of my family members, kept turning her back to my mum etc

1. Brought confetti despite being told we didn't want any and the venue didnt allow it, then sulked and cried when we reminded her of both those points

1. Partner was rushing to pick something up for a photo opportunity that our photographer had with the sunset which was time sensitive as he had to go soon, but she was pestering him to "spend time with her", he simply said "I dont have time right now" which ended in her crying hysterically and partner at this point told her to just leave. She then rounded up his entire family, told them my partner had "screamed at her" and got them to all leave with her.. All before the first dance

The next day, she's ignored all our posts/photos but proceeded to comment "beautiful couple" etc under other family photos of other family couples. The only photos she has posted, none of us, only her, and a petty confetti cannon thing outside her house.

My partner has always had issues with her and said this was the last straw and doesn't want to speak to her again.

I soon removed them from all my socials etc so I wouldnt get wound up more.

All my partner has received from his mum is the fact we upset her, disrespected her etc..

Am I going insane or are we in the wrong here?

Are you the bride?

Bride’s family?

This is not Reddit. There is no 'AITA' here.

Tbh the majority of it sounds very precious and over the top on your part, so it makes me question how hysterical she actually got.

I wouldn't describe anything you've said as a big mil incident, the fact you've already posted on social media, noted who she's making comments to, removed them and posted on here, only 1 day after getting married suggests you enjoy the drama and have a bit of quiet life.

The nightmare future MIL I mentioned upthread made a habit of going to weddings wearing a colour of dress that would purposely clash in the photos, so that kind of deliberate nastiness does exist

I get shes maybe done things that annoyed you but is there really any need to hate on her? It’s your husbands mum, I don’t get why you’d want to turn him against her. All that will happen in the future if you don’t let it go, is it will turn into animosity between you. Is it really a big deal if her dress clashed? Did she maybe drink too much as she was nervous due to how you were acting?

Also, she wanted some pictures with her son, maybe if you have a child one day, especially a son you’ll understand?! Especially if three a precious daughter in law dictating his time and what everyone is wearing…….

Controlling her dress theme seems a bit much these days, I’d rather people turn up how they want to and enjoy the richness of it all over how it will look in the photos.

Everything after that she sounds quite OTT, I think youre better off out. Enjoy your wedding memories and married life and keep her at a very long arms reach.

Is there a back story to all this?

She left early so you lucked out there.

Put it all in a box now and enjoy the honeymoon.

congrats!

She was definitely in the wrong. I don't know why some MIL go on like that! Mine was similar, sulked all day, messed us around on the run up, kicked off about who we invited, refused to stay over.

We lost nearly that entire side of the family after the events of the wedding. It's a shame but it's also not, life is peaceful and my side of the family don't bring anywhere near as much drama.

Congratulations!

she sounds awful 😞 bright red would stick out like a sore thumb in group photos ( which as your MIL she would have been in some of them )
I haven’t been to a wedding in many years but for example at my sister’s wedding I was a guest , not bridal party but I still asked what the bridesmaid would be wearing as I knew I would be in some photos and didn’t want to clash ( I wore a very simple navy dress as the bridesmaid was in a different tone of blue and it was a very clearly “ bridesmaidy “ dress .
But that’s not the real issue , the real issue is she’s quite clearly difficult I mean who cries over confetti 🎉 ffs and gets blind drunk

To be fair it sounds as though she was told to leave which was a huge escalation on DHs part.

She sounds annoying but also that she was finding the day hard and the drama has got out of hand.

This is literally what I came on to say!

I am not on Reddit but DH is and has mentioned their equivalent forum. Do people forget where they are posting or are these threads which talk about AH just copied off Reddit? @ellie09 could you enlighten us on that?

Not being unreasonable she sounds terrible

Most of it stemmed from the getting drunk early on, after that she didn't know what she was doing.

She’s just desperate to be centre of attention op. Even negative attention makes her satisfied.

everyone else there thinks she’s a nutter, try and forget about it and move on

Imagine marrying into that madness!!

No, she sounds like a total nightmare. Op is not being unreasonable

Is she an alcoholic? Coming from a family of alcoholics, getting pissed early doors screams of alcohol dependence to me? If so maybe that's the conversation that needs to be had before continuing further down the line especially if you intend to have kids. Dh is already done, if she doesn't get the help she needs maybe you are better off without her...?