Was MIL the AH at my wedding?

[ellie09]

Hi all

I finally had my wedding a few days ago and there was a big MIL incident.

A few small things led to a pretty big incident.

1. Despite getting a dress that matched the bridal colour scheme, she changed her mind on the day and wore bright red which clashed with the rest of the bridal party

1. Kept my partner back in the morning when he visited despite him saying he really needed to leave to get to the venue, to the point he was almost late - just so she could get photos

1. Knocked back far too many drinks within the first 2 hours and was obliterated drunk

1. Didnt speak one word to any of my family members, kept turning her back to my mum etc

1. Brought confetti despite being told we didn't want any and the venue didnt allow it, then sulked and cried when we reminded her of both those points

1. Partner was rushing to pick something up for a photo opportunity that our photographer had with the sunset which was time sensitive as he had to go soon, but she was pestering him to "spend time with her", he simply said "I dont have time right now" which ended in her crying hysterically and partner at this point told her to just leave. She then rounded up his entire family, told them my partner had "screamed at her" and got them to all leave with her.. All before the first dance

The next day, she's ignored all our posts/photos but proceeded to comment "beautiful couple" etc under other family photos of other family couples. The only photos she has posted, none of us, only her, and a petty confetti cannon thing outside her house.

My partner has always had issues with her and said this was the last straw and doesn't want to speak to her again.

I soon removed them from all my socials etc so I wouldnt get wound up more.

All my partner has received from his mum is the fact we upset her, disrespected her etc..

Am I going insane or are we in the wrong here?

just try to enjoy your wedding memories. Forget her.

Couldn’t get upset about the dress colour or how she spoke to your mum (that’s between the two of them) but the excessive drinking and leaving early makes her a massive arsehole.

is there a big back story?

Your DH has said he doesn’t want to speak to her anymore so you’ve lucked out! Forget her and enjoy married life

congrats.

You're a bit of a bridezilla to try and control what she wore or worry about him nearly being late (meaning he wasn't late).
She shouldn't have got so drunk.

The outfit thing, no one gives a shit if it clashed.
Delaying your partner- that’s on him to use his words and say it’s time to go, and then go.
Her getting drunk, that only reflects on her.
Honestly ignore the drama and get on with your life.

We uninvited my mil
.she cried and stomped. .better in her home than at our wedding...haven't seen her in 10+years...

No you’re not wrong, she’s really a piece of work! She was making everything about her. I assume this an ongoing issue?

Your photographer has to “leave soon” before the first dance? Sorry - nothing to do with the issue but I found that a bit odd!

You MiL is a nightmare, good riddance. Back your partner up with his no contact and help him if any family members come along to guilt him or treat him badly.

I'm sorry your day was overshadowed but take it as a gift that you don't have to make an effort speak to her again. Be guided by what your husband wants in terms of a relationship with her, but stop making an effort yourself.

I'm sad to say I had a MIL who tried to make our day all about herself by manufacturing dramas. It's such a shame people can't just behave nicely for one day, even if they don't approve.

She has a long history of causing arguments. My partner has went almost a year without speaking to her at one stage. Constant nitpicking

I wasnt even bothered about what she was going to wear until she specifically asked to see bridesmaid dresses, flowers, etc because she wanted to find something that matched. She went out with me, picked a dress, then decided on something last minute.

Is it a big deal? No, but one of many things that happened that day

I wasnt bothered about the late thing - as I didnt even know, but she had stressed out partner more than what was necessary that morning

A lot of that I would have just rolled my eyes and said whatever, and just got on with enjoying my day.

Please do not let any of these things ruin your early wedding bliss. My mother in law kicked off at my wedding 36 years ago for so many trivial reasons I can’t even care to remember, but here I am now with my lovely husband and a batshit crazy mil who luckily lives abroad and I am a good dil to her as that’s the easiest routes.

We had photographer until a certain time - i think 8pm, but things were running a bit behind so he had already stayed an hour later than he should have at this point

Most of these I wouldn’t care about or notice but the last one is a doozy.

follow your partners lead.

Assuming things happened exactly how you said, she was the asshole.

However, there are two sides to every story, and the truth is somewhere in the middle.

Thank your lucky stars you don't have another 30 years of this her ruining subsequent special occasions, if shes this bad at the wedding, I wouldnt like to think of what she would be like with babies! From a fellow woman with a nutter of a MIL

I think you already know the answer. Thankfully your partner is on the same page and isn’t making excuses for her behaviour.

The dress - a non issue, she gets to decide what to wear

Partner almost late - his problem

The drinking - her problem, she's the ashore and the other issues all stem from this because it was all just drunken behaviour. I'd hazard a guess she has a bit of a drinking problem though, does she?

Sounds like a drama queen . Hopefully you don't have to put up with her anymore . I had similar at my wedding with my attention seeking MIL . Luckily I moved countries before I had babies . She's long dead now but no good memories for my DH .

Honestly, let it go, don't let it spoil this time. PLEASE don't let your memory of this time be chatting with internet strangers, winding yourself up.
The dress really doesn't matter-up until recently very few told people to wear for colour schemes.
Being drunk/clingy to him-she clearly has issues, and maybe in the future you should talk about her alcohol issues/see if she needs MH support. I hate the it's always hormones with women thing, but she might have gone through menopause and people always say that makes some people less concerned about the feelings of others.
But leave that for now, just enjoy being married. When you do see her, be kind and supportive-the more you make her an ally, the better for you all, and if she really does need to see a doctor, that's something you and your husband can look into.
But for now-have fun with your husband-she can't be all bad if she raised the man you love!

You did the important bit.
You said your vows in front of witnesses, as per the law.
Anything else, including her drama, is irrelevant.

She sounds like a nightmare. People like this thrive on drama and confrontation. Give her nothing, remove her from your lives and remember the day for the positives.

What an awful lady. Let your new husband deal with her or not as the case may be. For those calling you Bridezella that is ridiculous. You spent time picking an outfit, you shared the colours which you didn’t need to do and then she wears red! 🙈

Congratulations on your wedding!

you seem to have a difficult mother In law. I really like the Reddit forum “justnomil” - lots of others with tricky Mums/MIL. Lots of good advice about how to deal with it so to minimise the impact she has on your life.