Was MIL the AH at my wedding?

[ellie09]

Hi all

I finally had my wedding a few days ago and there was a big MIL incident.

A few small things led to a pretty big incident.

1. Despite getting a dress that matched the bridal colour scheme, she changed her mind on the day and wore bright red which clashed with the rest of the bridal party

1. Kept my partner back in the morning when he visited despite him saying he really needed to leave to get to the venue, to the point he was almost late - just so she could get photos

1. Knocked back far too many drinks within the first 2 hours and was obliterated drunk

1. Didnt speak one word to any of my family members, kept turning her back to my mum etc

1. Brought confetti despite being told we didn't want any and the venue didnt allow it, then sulked and cried when we reminded her of both those points

1. Partner was rushing to pick something up for a photo opportunity that our photographer had with the sunset which was time sensitive as he had to go soon, but she was pestering him to "spend time with her", he simply said "I dont have time right now" which ended in her crying hysterically and partner at this point told her to just leave. She then rounded up his entire family, told them my partner had "screamed at her" and got them to all leave with her.. All before the first dance

The next day, she's ignored all our posts/photos but proceeded to comment "beautiful couple" etc under other family photos of other family couples. The only photos she has posted, none of us, only her, and a petty confetti cannon thing outside her house.

My partner has always had issues with her and said this was the last straw and doesn't want to speak to her again.

I soon removed them from all my socials etc so I wouldnt get wound up more.

All my partner has received from his mum is the fact we upset her, disrespected her etc..

Am I going insane or are we in the wrong here?

And this…

1. Kept my partner back in the morning when he visited despite him saying he really needed to leave to get to the venue, to the point he was almost late - just so she could get photos

Of course she wanted photos of her son on his wedding day!

Did you not have photos of the groom, groomsman and his family, taken as he got prepared for his wedding, photos with his dad, photos setting off?

Did you have photos at home, with your bridesmaids, your family, your dad as you left the house?

We have no photos of our son with his dad, or with just his dad and I on his wedding day. Very sad!

Yes agreed

the only thing that you mentioned that was ott was all her family leaving with her ? Really half the guest all upped and left with her on her say so ????

My MIL is a bit like this. She has severe undiagnosed ADHD. She has to be the centre of attention and sabotage other people’s happiness. She exaggerates and manipulates so she controls the narrative. She is a narcissist in many ways.

you won’t change the behaviour. Just set your boundaries and dont give her any of your time/attention/focus.

I think you'll all calm down. Was she a bit petty and annoying, yes. Also, we're you a tiny bit high maintainance, possibly - I would never have dreamed of insisting on a colour for my mum/mils dresses, they don't have to match the bridal party (they even asked if I cared and told them to go wild and wear something they loved). Likewise, taking photos of your son on his wedding day is lovely, dh should've just said "sorry really have to go now" and run, plus he wasn't actually late, so non issue. She shouldn't have got wasted and caused a scene/been rude to your family, but it's not the end of the world really - perhaps she has a problem, perhaps this wedding has triggered her, perhaps she is a drama queen - who knows. Remember all the beautiful memories and happy moments. You weren't in the wrong, she's clearly "challenging". I'd just support dh with whatever he chooses to do re contact/managing her, it's his job to do that really and your job to be there for him. Don't let it cloud your lovely day, and don't hold too much against her, it's not the best MiL behaviour but it's also not the worst I've heard of, and I think when the dust settles it'll all go back to fairly - so don't do anything drastic that needs undoing later when everything calms down!

This. Clothes don’t matter. Not good to get drunk though. 🙄

She sounds mentally ill to me or has Main Character syndrome. Shocking childish behaviour and very unkind to behave like that at your wedding

Shouldn't a bride be busy enjoying her special day to notice others 'misdemeanours'?

she should be allowed to, yes, which make the behaviour of that MIL from hell even more unacceptable.

Oh dear. Someone's mummy didn't want to let her little boy go.

At least he sees what she's like. Imagine if he was sticking up for her, like many husbands do when MILs have upset their wives.

YANU, except for calling your husband your "partner"!

First two points are petty. She can wear what she likes and she didn’t make your son late so they’re no biggie.

@ellie09

Sorry to be playing Pollyanna here, but just be 'glad' that it happened at your wedding and your DH wants to go right now NC as a result. Better that than some of the threads where spouses are putting up with that behaviour from their MiLs for years and can't get their spouses to 'see the light'.

Support him in NC in every loving way you can. And remember your wedding was just one day. Your marriage is for the rest of your days. Be happy and don't let 'just one day' ruin the 'rest of your days'. Let it go and never speak of it again.

I'd have pointed out that marrying your brother is both disgusting and illegal.

Absolutely fine. Just bored with the continually changing and entirely arbitrary rules about what can and what cannot be worn at weddings, as over the years the cannot wear and it means x about the wearer list has expanded so much that it doesn't matter what a woman wears, somebody will complain about it being a terrible faux pas if not a deliberate attack upon The Bride.

Red and white have been considered crass for at least 50 years.

Sounds like she has a personality disorder, the crying and demanding attention is not ok. Who gives a shit if her outfit clashed?

Congratulations on your nuptials.
Don't let this be anything more than an amusing story to tell in years to come.
One of my friends had the MIL turn up in full on white bridal...

His parents were supposed to book the cars for the wedding. That is what they offered to do as a gift. They didn't bother but told us they did. So he had to book a taxi last minute. He can and does stand up to his mum. Thankfully she has calmed down as she has gotten older, but she pulled the same shit has her daughters wedding. Weddings seem to make some people go a bit crazy.

What she wore is completely irrelevant but the rest of it makes her sound like hard work.

She’s clearly an AH. But tbh his whole family are weirdos for leaving like that. Reasonable people wouldn’t have listened to her and gone with her. So you can’t even really just blame her for that. He shouldn’t have gone to her house before the wedding - she’s a known trouble maker. You shouldn’t care what she wears.

Why do you keep saying partner?

She sounds like a pain and I would avoid her where possible but it all sounds like a bit of a drama. She is your dh's mother, she will probably feature in his life to some extent for the rest of her life, just get on with your marriage and thank your lucky stars that she isn't your mother.

My DP's Mother did something similar at his sister's wedding- she was being hysterical and I led her off to calm down, we had a long talk and she started sounding
more rational- by then the photos were done and she couldn't do as much damage.
It didn't do much for my enjoyment of the event though!
Mother's of people getting married often get irrational in my experience, you truly realise you are at a stage of life where the best is over when your children get married.

Not overreacting. MIL sounds an utter horror. Your day, your way. Other commenters saying you are a bridezilla are unwarranted. MIL sounds like a control freak and her actions smack of being entitled and deliberate. Cut all ties and move on

Get thee to the raisedbyborderlines subreddit - you might find some common ground with peeps there.

Honestly, one of the main reasons my husband and I got married on a Tuesday lunchtime at the registry office with only a couple of random witnesses was because my mum would do all of these things and I didn’t want the stress. You’re not in the wrong, she basically tried to make it all about her, when it was your day as a couple. Let her stew.