AIBU to expect my mum to cancel her gym session to look after my kids?

[Mkxxx]

For context: I (34F) have two boys (3 and 11m). I have help from my mum once a week on a Tuesday. 8am-5pm she’s at my house. All the other days I get no help and no help from my MIL either. I have managed my maternity pretty much on my own with my husband in the office 5 days a week. It has been hard with a baby and a toddler. My son only recently turned 3. Anyway I never bug my mum to come outside of a Tuesday because honestly it’s just hard work and not worth it. However right now I’m very ill. She knows I’ve been unwell too. I don’t ask anyone to help me unless I’m desperate. So I asked my mum last night to come today. She said she can’t come until the afternoon when most the day has gone because she has the gym. I asked if she could miss it this once since I never ask like this and she said no. Now im feeling so much anger because the lack in inflexibility shocks me. If my child had asked me for help I would go! Also she doesn’t work and retired to ‘look after her grandchildren’. So am I wrong for feeling annoyed and upset?

Your DH, you know 50% of the people who created your joint kids, needs to tell his boss he isn’t taking time off to ‘help’ he is taking time off to care for HIS kids which he has no other childcare for.
your mum created 0% of those kids. She isn’t your employee at your beck and call.
I suspect you were reserved on having kids as you knew your DH would be shit, it isn’t your mums job (encouragement or not) to raise them, she raised you.
I would have dreamed of a partner with a whole weekend off and a mum coming for a whole day for me to do as I pleased whilst on maternity.
stop being a brat to your mum, you have a partner, don’t make excuses for him and tell him to parent up

Your husband needs to step up! It’s really not your mum’s job. She already raised you.

If your husband doesn’t want to take time off work, then he should pay someone else to come to help in the home!

I'm wondering too...

Ah don't be daft all these men cannot possibly be expected to step up and help with something so unimportant as childcare. You're right though it's interesting she lays blame on her mother and MIL but conveniently ignores the men...

I don't think yabu. As a grandmother, if my daughter was poorly enough to ask for (extra) help, I'd have given it. Presumably you don't take the piss and ask regularly? I'm surprised at the balance of votes on here tbh. I hope you soon feel better 💐

You are very lucky to have help every Tuesday. Many people, myself included, don’t get that. Your DCs are yours and your DHs responsibility. When either of us or DCs are sick, we take it in turns to care for them.

I hate how on Mumsnet you are not expected to get any help from your mum or mil. I feel so lucky that both my mum and mil have helped us out. My children have a lovely relationship with them. We never took the piss but they would both help out when needed. I will do the same for my kids. Takes a village and all that!

WOW - how very entitled...

She offered to come later. Why did you dismiss that? She probably won’t bother again.

You don't have £150 in savings? If so then yes you could afford it.

it's hard enough to manage kids sickness, school or nursery holidays etc, so no it's not NORMAL for an adult to have to leave work because the other adult is a bit under the weather 😂

But the father of these children is not pulling his weight!
The OP should be angry with HIM not her Mum

No I don’t have £150 in savings

Do your father and Fil help too or is 'the village' solely reserved for women?

This has to be a reverse.

Well your husband is bringing home £750 a week, maybe you could save some of it.

I'll be honest, I don't fully understand why you've got your mum helping you a full day a week if you're on maternity leave?

Bringing up kids is hard but we make it through. The days when we are sick become tv days.

We didn't have any help from either my parents or my husbands and, I won't lie, it was bloody tough. At one point I swore I would't let my own children struggle the way I did but by the time I retire, I'll be knackered (I'm pretty knackered now) and can't imagine looking after two small children for a whole day twice a week.

They gym will be important to your mother, there will be people there who she sees weekly and enjoys catching up with. She didn't say she wouldn't help, she said she'd help, this afternoon, after the gym. She's already gone through the stage of giving up everything for her children's' needs, why can't she have a few things for herself now?

I would expect your mum to help. Is your dad available?but it doesn't matter what your boss thinks, employees have rights.
https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

Oh so basically you think it's women's work. YABU.

We probably should be able to but with rising rent, fuel and food, we unfortunately cannot

You made the choice to have kids based on getting help? Why have you had a second? I’m assuming your mum helped once a week when you had one so why have another one knowing what the level of help was?
It’s completely pathetic that two adults can’t manage two kids between them.

I'm finding these replies a bit harsh. I'm in the same position as your mum and did childcare one and half days every week from one year old until they went to secondary school. Still do one day a week in school holidays. I would and did cancel the gym if there was an emergency such as illness. It wasn't very often and I could go to the gym another time. Still, it's up to your mum at the end of the day she's under no obligation, but my reply would have been a yes.

Women on mumsnet are martyrs who think raising kids is a thing to be done alone and constantly complain about it.

In real life, everyone I know has had help and my mum would have definitely helped. It's the decent thing to do. YANBU.

But she turned down the help. Her mum actually said she would come in the afternoon but that wasn't good enough.
If she is that ill and 'D'H refuses to come home then surely she could have done the best she could to get through the morning, knowing mum would arrive later to take over.

Their own father apparently.