AIBU to expect my mum to cancel her gym session to look after my kids?

[Mkxxx]

For context: I (34F) have two boys (3 and 11m). I have help from my mum once a week on a Tuesday. 8am-5pm she’s at my house. All the other days I get no help and no help from my MIL either. I have managed my maternity pretty much on my own with my husband in the office 5 days a week. It has been hard with a baby and a toddler. My son only recently turned 3. Anyway I never bug my mum to come outside of a Tuesday because honestly it’s just hard work and not worth it. However right now I’m very ill. She knows I’ve been unwell too. I don’t ask anyone to help me unless I’m desperate. So I asked my mum last night to come today. She said she can’t come until the afternoon when most the day has gone because she has the gym. I asked if she could miss it this once since I never ask like this and she said no. Now im feeling so much anger because the lack in inflexibility shocks me. If my child had asked me for help I would go! Also she doesn’t work and retired to ‘look after her grandchildren’. So am I wrong for feeling annoyed and upset?

Do you have a partner? Why can't they stay home and help?

You could have asked your husband to take a day off.

Surely you could ask your husband to help. Have you made him aware how much you are struggling and how ill you are? Could he not take parental leave?

Sorry, I think your husband should be coming home to help.

It's really nice of your mum to help one day a week.

Hope you feel better soon

Why is your husband not getting this anger?
you both had kids not your mum. They’re not her responsibility. She does not need to do any childcare for you at all. Suck it up.

When I was too sick to care for our child, my husband took a sick day.

It's your husbands responsibility to take a day off.

One long day a week is a huge amount of work for your mother, and will she not catch whatever you have if she goes to your house?

Sorry but your husband should of took a days leave to help. Not nice you want to risk infecting your mum.

I agree with everyone else I'm afraid. This isn't your mums issue, your DH should have taken a day off.

I think you are really fortunate to get a whole day's help from a grandparent every week.

But I also understand that when you are ill and just want help it does become easy to volunteer other people's time.

What about your Dad? Or the kids other granddad? I find that my and DH's mum's both put a lot of their life on hold for us growing up. And now they have (rightly so) got pretty firm boundaries of what help they will offer. Our dad's never had the same level of caring responsibilities growing up and so are more willing for ad hoc help.

I think you already have a substantial amount of help from her at one day a week honestly, which I’m not sure you seem very grateful for! Perhaps she’s picked up on that vibe too and isn’t inclined to offer anything further.

We don’t have any family help, and I mean zero. Our parents are dead except my dad who is four hours away. We have no choice but to cover this stuff ourselves.

No I don’t think you are being unreasonable. It’s not like you are asking for help all the time you are sick.

I have managed my maternity pretty much on my own with my husband in the office 5 days a week.

But your mum is there 20% of the time? That’s hardly pretty much on your own.

YABU. You could ask your husband.

You get help 8am-5pm already! Blimey, your mum sounds like a saint.

You need to pay for childcare if you need some.

Agree

but also your mum is mega mean

She already has your children 1 day out of 5 which is significantly more helpful than their own father.

I don't understand why if you're unwell he couldn't take a day off to look after his own children.

You have a husband who presumably is the children's father.

I don't like to go down the single parent, zero support route, but YABU.

I think that you are fortunate to get help from your mum for one full day tbh
Your children have a father , he should have taken the day off

Is this a reverse?

Do you pay your mum for childcare? 8am - 5pm once a week is pretty generous! You should consider getting proper childcare in place, it would take the pressure off of relying on other people to look after your children for what I assume is for free?

Agree with other posts why isn’t your husband helping with childcare?

This would be a fair comment if OP’s mother didn’t help for a day every week

YABVU. She already helps you for a whole day! And it’s not like you are working. She did say she could come later on after the gym. Everyone manages maternity leave on their own, so I’ve no idea what you are getting at there.

Your husband should take the day off. My husband would do this either as annual leave or as a carer day.

Your childen are yours and your husband's responsibility. You organise childcare between yourselves.

It's lovely that she helps out once a week but she has no obligation to do so. She is her own person with her own life and it doesn't revolve around you anymore