To want MIL to stop doing our laundry?

[HannahR21]

MIL is here every other Tuesday looking after our toddler whilst we both work. She is really helpful, and tries to do stuff round the house. Recently, she has started putting washes on. I find this a step too far - the first time this happened, there wasn’t a great deal of washing in our basket - it would have fit in one wash. She left one item in the basket which was a rather ‘risque’ all in one bedroom outfit of mine if you get what I mean. She had obviously seen it, and decided to leave it (and nothing else) in the basket.

DH says she’s being helpful and it saves me a job so I should be grateful. I find it..invasive? Fully appreciate it may be a ‘me’ issue but thought it’d get some impartial views.

Send her round to mine, we've got mountains of washing she can do. Does she iron as well?

Can you allocate other jobs or just speak to her and tell her to leave the washing alone? Or get your Dh to tell her?

I’ve asked DH to, he won’t as says she’s doing me a favour and it would be awkward to bring up, he just suggested I don’t leave anything in there I wouldn’t want her to wash so remove it the night before.

You’re mad. She can do mine. When your kids are young you take the wins where you can. She now knows you have sex with her son and you enjoy it, I kinda think she might already have guessed that.

YANBU, last time my MiL stayed she washed and folded all my thongs, I felt really uncomfortable

Yanbu, tell her. If she persists, get a lock for your bedroom door and lock the washing basket in there before you go out

Why is the favour just to you?

Let her do the laundry but do not leave any 'risque' items in there to avoid any embarrassment.

I used to have this issue, and felt exactly like you do. I hated feeling like someone else was cleaning after me, but I felt so ungrateful whenever I complained about it!

Don't know what the right answer is, but for me, over time it mattered less. Eventually she stopped doing it, because everything got too much for her, and I started to do hers for her. Now it just feels sad that I ever minded.

I think it’s totally fair if you ask her not to do the washing - just because someone is trying to be helpful it doesn’t mean you have to let them do whatever they want and make you feel that you don’t have privacy and boundaries in your own home. And less awkward to mention it now than leave it for ages and then feel you can’t say anything! Is there anything else you could suggest that she helps with, or an activity with your toddler to keep her busy?

So he’d rather put you out than ask her a very straightforward request to leave the laundry alone? Is it in your room, the laundry basket? Just tell her to stop, surely it isn’t that tricky?

My mil does this as well which I hate. The worst thing is she "sorts" the laundry but gets it wrong so ds1 can't find his work trousers (which he only has 2 of) because they have ended up in DH's drawer.

Can you leave the washing out for her, anything you don’t want her to wash/ hang stick in a cupboard? I do that with the cleaner. Nothing quite as exciting as a sexy suit… but I don’t want her to wash my husband’s jumpers as they shrink and she doesn’t sort it like I would (and yes, it’s ‘my’ job as husband does other stuff)

Whenever my mum comes over, she always helps with the laundry. Same with my MIL. I’ve honestly never thought twice about it.

If they don’t mind touching my kids’ skid-marked underwear and the dirty, food-stained clothes then why would I care?

Yeah, I'd find it really intrusive, I don't want anyone (except DH) going through my dirty laundry!

Get some of those mesh laundry bags to put your "delicates" in before they go in the laundry basket.

Thank her profusely for everything she does and keep your risque items out of the laundry basket.

Sympathy here. My ex-MIL didn’t do the washing but she’d insist on doing any ironing lying around. But she’d iron everything on the same really hot temperature and would iron jumpers and t-shirts so you’d end up with a big shiny imprint of the neckline on the back of the item. I’d then have to wash it all again to get rid of the marks. I ended up hiding the iron if she was due round.

I won’t even go into her other obsession with leaving me a pan of peeled potatoes and veg each time. Didn’t matter what I had planned for dinner, there were always several saucepans on the hob ready to go!

She was quite batshit at times but I do miss her since our divorce.

I wouldn't want anyone else doing my washing. I get weirded out handing it over to laundry services in hotels when I have to. I wouldn't want to cause an issue with my MIL either though. So I'd probably just hide the laundry basket when she's over 😂Have you got a wardrobe big enough to stash it in temporarily?

Echoing others who want to borrow her! Seriously, just talk. She is trying to be kind, but it is your house, so politely just say you like to do your own wash and she should just relax anytime LO is asleep. Even better, make her feel valued and useful by leaving a list of library books you want for LO and asking her opinion which is best, or something like that.
Don't worry about the outfit. She knows how her grandkid arrived and won't be shocked!

Tell your partner to ask her to please leave the adults laundry as it’s a bit personal
but you’re so grateful for the tidying up
she does for the kids (and maybe give her permission to do the kids laundry!)

also kick your DH in the bum for saying it’s one less job for you rather than for ‘us’

God no! I don’t want people doing my washing with my underwear! Nope!

Even then, op might have period blood on her pants or something… not something you want in laws handling and rifling through.if she is dying to do laundry then only kids. Or get separate laundry baskets for you and your DH so she can do his if she feels the need (as apparently in your home laundry is your job op not your DH!)

Yeah I'd hate that too. It is invasive to go through someone's dirty laundry without asking first. I've let my own mother do my very dirty laundry after giving birth to my DS but I absolutely wouldn't want my MIL doing it!

I'd also be irritated at her putting on a washload that wasn't full as that's just a waste of power when you could just put it on later or the next day.

Perhaps better to tell her how she can make herself useful. Like doing just childrens laundry?

I think your DH is being unreasonable for dismissing your feelings too! I'd be leaving something similarly embarrassing in his laundry for her to find!

My mil was like this, even before kids. She’d let herself in and take washing back to hers and generally destroy it - random white bras turning red, ironing stuff to shit so now xh’s polo shirt collars were all ruined…I put up with it for a while but in the end had to go apoplectic and I took the keys off her.