To want MIL to stop doing our laundry?

[HannahR21]

MIL is here every other Tuesday looking after our toddler whilst we both work. She is really helpful, and tries to do stuff round the house. Recently, she has started putting washes on. I find this a step too far - the first time this happened, there wasn’t a great deal of washing in our basket - it would have fit in one wash. She left one item in the basket which was a rather ‘risque’ all in one bedroom outfit of mine if you get what I mean. She had obviously seen it, and decided to leave it (and nothing else) in the basket.

DH says she’s being helpful and it saves me a job so I should be grateful. I find it..invasive? Fully appreciate it may be a ‘me’ issue but thought it’d get some impartial views.

The mixed responses on the thread show many people wouldn’t have any issue with it.

The OP does which is fine but she needs to be the one to say so to her!

Browse away, my knickers get dirty and I have sex. I also wear bras and they sometimes get wiffy in hot weather. I believe I have that in common with 99% of the female population. I’m unsure what I have to be ashamed of, what needs hiding or why another woman would judge me. And to be honest if someone did want to judge me because occasionally my period (when I had them) leaked a bit, judge away that reflects more on you than me.

I thought this. She probably looked at the wash label and it said it was unsuitable for the wash that the other clothes were going on. I doubt very much it was done to shame anyone. Not that it’s shameful keeping the fire burning in your relationship

Buy something like this, add a hasp/staple and small padlock.

Buy Habitat 100L Wood Storage Bin - Natural | Laundry baskets | Argos

DH sometimes puts a wash on and washes my face clothes and sports wear with fabric softener 😱 so now anything I put in a net bag in the wash basket he knows is off limits so I’d be inclined to do something similar, or just say to her Doris I really appreciate you helping but I’d rather tackle laundry myself but if you fancy washing up, vacuuming I’d really appreciate it.

Does your wimpy husband often back mummy over you? That would be worrying if so.

I wouldn’t want anyone else doing my laundry, or even my ironing. In your position I’d be very unhappy that my husband was too wet to bring up the subject with his mother, as you have reasonably requested, so I’d probably speak to her myself, letting her know I appreciated that she was finding things to do, but please leave the laundry alone.

She probably didn't wash the risqué item to avoid it being washed I correctly or shrinking and also so that if your child helped you unload the wash as they often do, it wouldn't be seen. She was doing you a favour both with the wash and your delicate item.

If you don't like it either tell her not to or just put in PC things. But I think you'd be crazy not to accept some genuine and clearly supportive help!

I'd ask her not to touch the laundry, and plant a pair of filthy old W fronts in there with suspicious poo chocolate skid mark stains and see if she ever touches the washing again. 😂

Yeah, I'd say 'thanks for [whatever she did that wasn't overstepping, but honestly I'd rather do the laundry myself because I know what's coming up and when there'll be a full load - really nice of you to think of it, but just leave that job for me in future!"

“Oh MIL, I don’t expect you to do our laundry! That’s too much to ask!

”But if you really have time and want to, putting the kids’ bed-linen in or doing a load of towels would be great! “

What are face clothes?

My late MIL used to do our washing and change our beds once a week, I used to love coming home after work to a lovely clean & tidy home, never bothered me at all it was such a lovely kind thing to do.

SHE has the problem so SHE can mention it if she’s so bothered - or is SHE too wimpy?

Face cloths sorry it auto corrected. The things you wash your face with. I’ve got muslin ones and Terry towelling ones. I’ve got mega reactive skin and don’t like fabric softener on them.

Also to blazes with all the 'MILs can't win' business. I've yet to see a thread saying 'AIBU to be annoyed that MIL didn't go into my room and locate the laundry I didn't specify I wanted washing and do it anyway?'

Or DH wants the laundry done and he’s allowed to have an opinion in his own home about a job he might have to do. You may not want someone else doing your laundry, fine, the OP may not want it and that’s fine too, but if the OPs DH wants his own mother to his laundry to save him a job he’s not allowed to think that?
Madness.

Just tell her that is very kind and you appreciate her help but for the laundry you prefer to take care of it yourself.

yanbu to be uncomfortable with it but I’d personally love this 😅

A grown man can't work out how to put some dirty clothes in a machine with a pod and hit "GO"? 🤯

So if he, a grown man, is worried he might have to do some laundry, it's valid for him to prefer his mum comes round and does it instead?

Madness.

I should have realised!
Fabric softener is disgusting stuff.

Yes, laundry is a bit close for comfort (though my laundry pile is rather more prosaic, so fine to send her round here ...)

But, seriously, I'd prefer to choose the temperature etc.

Hrs not bothered so has no need to speak to MIL about it. It’s not his problem.

She’s bothered so she can speak to MIL.

Simples.

I've been married for 35 years. MIL never found the kettle. I'd get in from work/shopping to be told FIL needed a cup.of tea!

I use it on other stuff or the laundry santiser on my work clothes when I’ve been sneezed and snotted on at work but I’m very precious about my face cloths