To want MIL to stop doing our laundry?

[HannahR21]

MIL is here every other Tuesday looking after our toddler whilst we both work. She is really helpful, and tries to do stuff round the house. Recently, she has started putting washes on. I find this a step too far - the first time this happened, there wasn’t a great deal of washing in our basket - it would have fit in one wash. She left one item in the basket which was a rather ‘risque’ all in one bedroom outfit of mine if you get what I mean. She had obviously seen it, and decided to leave it (and nothing else) in the basket.

DH says she’s being helpful and it saves me a job so I should be grateful. I find it..invasive? Fully appreciate it may be a ‘me’ issue but thought it’d get some impartial views.

I’d love it if I had a mother in law that helped. Instead mine expects waiting on hand and foot. On the very rare occasion she babysits she will expect me to do her dinner before I go out and always leaves a pile of dirty washing up for us to tackle (my hubby usually deals with it as he knows I’ll go mad if I walk into my kitchen looking like a bomb site) and always brings her stinky dog.

Why is the DH being unreasonable? It’s saving him a job and he’s happy to let mil do it. There is only one person being unreasonable and it’s not DH or mil.

Dont involve your DH. Either you a) ask her not to, b)remove items you dont want her to see or do, c) sort washing yourself and leave it in piles near machine.

I was staying at my wife’s DGM and had been on my period and stained some pants. I came back and she’s gone into our room for the washing, which we had planned to do ourselves, and I came back to my big stained granny pants hung up to dry on an airer.

I’d hide the dirty washing or take out delicates I’d be uncomfortable about her handling

I mf you don’t want her to wash your underwear put it somewhere else. I keep all my underwear in a separate small bag and wash it separately as the normal washes are too severe.

Do this and let her get on with the other stuff.

My MIL (who is lovely) also had an obsession about ironing. I found it intrusive, I used to hide it in a cupboard.

Did I get that right? Your DH said your MiL is doing YOU a favour?

What made him incapable of doing some washing?
(Sorry if I read that wrong).

OP shouldn't have to leave anything out of the laundry basket.

It’s her house

It’s generally my job, there’s other things he picks up.

Mother in laws can't win,can they?

I don't understand how YOU op, as a grown woman can't speak to her yourself?
'Barbara, please don't do our laundry. If you are looking for a way to help, I'd appreciate you vacuuming/mopping/trimming the bushes or whatever'.

This would drive me nuts and I'd feel it really oversteps a personal line. I wouldn't want her touching the old bloomers I wear when on my period for example!

Speak to MIL yourself. I wouldn’t want anyone else washing my (totally boring) underwear.

Not if they go through a laundry basket without asking!

I'd imagine she'd leave it because it's probably not machine washable. If it's lace or leather or has straps so probably didn't want to ruin it. I'm assuming she's nice.

Just ask her not to. Say it makes you uncomfortable her seeing your dirty clothes and lingerie. But as a side note. Could she do mine instead? Doesn't sound like she's done a bad job of it.

Either speak to her or lock your laundry away somewhere (garage).

There's a difference between her knowing that and seeing evidence of it!

Yep this.

I would hate this. Once when my DH was having surgery and my MIL was taking care of the kids she put my washing in the dryer. That alone was too much for me. I'd have flipped if she'd actually put on a wash. I made it very clear to her that she was never to touch my clothes (I don't care about DH's clothes!).

If she's looking after your child you must be able to speak to her. Forget what your DH says, just tell her to please stop washing your stuff.

OP, just fling a cock ring in there next time, that'll put a stop to it.

If you don’t want her to do it then it needs to be you who says so to her. She is trying to be helpful

Do you really think it's appropriate go fiddle around with other peoples laundry? 🤯

She didn't do all of it. So she must have "browsed"...

either tell her not to worry about laundry and make light of it, or move your laundry basket. Where is it? Bathroom? Hallway? She shouldn’t be going into your bedroom certainly, if she is, fix that!

I do think this is invasive. Purely because anything could be in there. Period pants etc. anything other than surface cleaning she should ask. My MIL would clean if she came round but then she would be in draws and sorting those out. To find my bank statements on the side where she took them out a draw she had no reason to go into was when I spoke up. When I asked her not to do it again and I was grateful she was helping but there are personal things I want to keep private she actually made a remark on how much I spent in spent in next. Something she would only have known by looking through my statement as I’d ordered a piece of furniture that I was waiting to be delivered & hadn’t told her about.

I think running the hoover, washing up and a bit of polishing & a little tidy up is massively helpful, but anything that requires putting things in wardrobes. Throwing things out is to excessive

Yes you should absolutely tell her. I look after my granddaughter a few times a week. While I'm there I do all their housework and washing, sometimes I even prepare dinner for them. I always ask and they're happy for me to do it but I hope they'd tell me if I ever overstep.

Surely if she wants to do some boring chores, there's other things she can be doing like deep cleaning the bathroom grout or cleaning out the oven?

Tell her thank you but you have systems about sorting, waiting for the good weather to hang it out, waiting for a full load etc and you'd prefer it if she didn't do the washing.