AIBU to consider leaving our knitting group over its new policy?

[Solentseeker]

I’m in a women’s knitting group. It started as just a group of friends and extended from there. We meet twice weekly in an hall that has to be booked and paid for and go on trips etc so it has become more formal over time and has a treasurer, secretary, social secretary etc. I and two other friends were founder members but we take a back seat in the organisation now. We attract lots of younger members (30-somethings!) which is great. I (early 60s) love socialising with people, hearing their views etc.

The new chairman (woman) has recently decided that we should announce that we are ‘trans friendly’ and try to attract trans women and non-binary people. Apart from the fact that I don’t know what non-binary people are other than people who don’t sign up to gender stereotypes (most of the women currently in the group don’t go in for nails / make up / fake tan etc anyway so what’s the difference?) I don’t want men in the group, trans identifying or otherwise. I’ve been sexually assaulted a few times in my lifetime, as has another of the founder members. We’ve also always appreciated having a space away from the male gaze and voice, where women can have their voice centre stage for once. I know a number of the current members are also extremely concerned about this new push and would feel pushed out too if any men join.

I have no desire to ‘out’ myself as a ‘TERF’ by complaining or pushing back as it would in their eyes make me a ‘bad’ person and I always try to do good by everyone. I just disagree wholeheartedly with the idea that men should be treated as women because they say so. It seems so seething misogynistic. I’m deeply sad about the whole situation and think I’m going to have to leave the club, because the current chairman seems to stand for things that I don’t. I appreciate women’s rights and they don’t seem to give a fig. What do politics have to do with knitting? Do I just leave? Do I wait and see whether any men try to join before leaving? I can’t be arsed to fight back even though I would have a LOT of (currently silent) supporters.

I hate the cis thing, but I needed to use it here for clarity.

I'm guessing that you've not met many, if any trans-women at all OP. I think your reaction to the inclusion of trans people may well be based off media coverage only and that is usually showing politicized, extreme aspects of the pro and anti trans culture in the uk.

I think if you allowed some gobshite man into the group you might have a problem, but trans-women, genuine people who want to sit and knit with you? They'd be an absolute blessing. And if you do mean what you say, you'd be able to listen to them alongside all the younger women you enjoy hearing from.

Oh. I think you've made your position clear here. It isn't really about the knitting or about men, is it?

It would have been better if you'd been upfront in your first post really.

I wouldn't want to be in a knitting group with people with bigoted attitudes like this, be they men, women, or somewhere in between.

Ask for a secret ballot of all the members and make sure that the count is overseen by several people. If the group vote in favour then form a new group.

I'm broadly GC. But over the last year, two separate trans people have come into my circle, and it does affect how I see this thread. Both those people are calm, intelligent and gentle types, so all this 'they'll be dominating/mansplaining/leering' said doesn't match my experience.

Why ‘a blessing’? Are transwomen more ‘special’ than actual women? This is why women object to men in their spaces, because if a man is a woman, they’re suddenly the best type of woman ever 🙄

What are you basing that fetish thing on, out of interest? Anecdote, or reality?

It didn't clarify at all, just obfuscated and confused the reader. Best not use this ridiculous and unnecessary prefix when it relates to people.

It's funny how trans people make up a tiny per cent of the population yet mumsnetters all have many trans friends. The only one I know comes into my workplace as a customer and frankly is not a nice person.

Those that actively campaign for trans rights seem extremely fetishistic don’t you think? Take a look at the social media posting about the transwomen from Aberdeen uni who wished Ann widdecome died painfully. These are NOT kind, gentle people at all.

My daughter has ASD. We know many ASD girls who became ‘boys’ because they didn’t understand female stereotypes (who does?) so thought they couldn’t be girls. Many have detransitioned. It’s sad. They’re nice, kind, confused young people on the whole though.

Transwomen a blessing? No, they're men with a sexual fetish of performing 'woman' and being pandered to by women like you .

Sounds as though there aren’t any actual trans people wanting to join but this woman is wanting to virtue signal?

That seems like the biggest issue. She’s actively wanting to go out and attract trans or NB people, thereby changing the nature of the group.

If you had an actual trans person wanting to join you could probably quietly make a decision about that person and whether they were likely to affect the tone of the group etc

That is perfect. Take yourself off, away from women who want to meet and chat with other women and avoid men in womanface who insist you call them "she" .

It just changes the dynamic it’s ridiculous ask for a group vote
but if it goes ahead leave
doesn’t mean your anti anything it just your preference

Women wanting spaces of their own, is not 'hate' towards men. A lot of men agree with you though and think women saying no to them is hate, so you're in good terrible company.

You seem quite the expert to know so many of these people to know that it's common to have a fetish.

OP has said she doesn't mind if men join.
It's just trans women that she has a problem with.
So it's not about men joining at all, about it *changing the dynamics" or whatever which is what she started out saying.

If it is a woman's only knitting group, then yes, you refuse any form of make attendee. Otherwise it becomes a mixed sex knitting group.
If you allow transwonen in, but not men, you are discriminating against some men, which is illegal.
Just refer back to the Supreme court ruling of April 2025 about biological sex being the deciding factor.
Write a letter stating that her plans are illegal - should she wish to start a non women only group, she needs to start a different group.
Alternatively - all of those who disagree, simply leave and restart your own group!

You sound like you've joined a cult - a blessing?! 🤣

If we make a rule change and invite all
men that’s fine. It’s being expected to endorse the frankly pretty distasteful lie that women hood is nothing but a wig and a frock and calling yourself Susan.

So it's fine to invite men and you're OK with transmen but not ok with transwomen?
Am I getting this right?

"transwomen" and men are exactly 100% the same thing.

So she objects to men being in the group. YW.

It's a stupid woke idea. I'm fed up of stupid woke ideas.

It's highly unlikely that there are many transgender knitter nearby.

There may be some male knitters. Think Tom Daley (gay). Would he be welcome at the knitting club? Gays are usually good company.

Or, is it the female space thing? It's lovely to have 'female' conversations without any males in the group. I totally understand that. I once worked somewhere with a couple of males. We always had to be oh so prim and proper. As were the bloody males, conversations were always oh so polite, and trivial. Opinions not allowed. When it was just females and the males weren't there conversations were much more raucous and wwe had a good laugh.