To think I should be able to take my daughter on holiday

[jj3457]

Hi everyone. I know some people may not like this, but I am a dad posting, just looking for some advice.

I told my ex I would like to take our daughter (3) on holiday to spain for 5 days with me and my mum.

Now this is where I messed up, and I will hold my hands up. I was dishonest when I told her I would be going with my mum. We will actually be going with my partner who my ex hasn’t met. I know this was a stupid lie but I was just worried my ex wouldn’t give consent for the holiday if she knew who was actually going.

To make matter worse, my ex has now found out that my mum is actually going to Florida for 2 weeks at the time I said she was coming to Spain with us.

My ex has messaged to say that she will not be handing over the passport until I give explicit details about the travel. I know that once I tell her I’m going with my partner she will refuse to consent. The holiday is booked and paid for.

I know I’m in the wrong for being dishonest but I am on the birth certificate and have as much right as she does to take her on the holiday. My ex has taken her abroad several times before and this is my first time.

what can I do if my ex refuses to give consent?

thanks

The Court’s interest is in who your daughter is going on holiday with, not who you are going with. After such a passage of time, it’s likely your ex is less bothered about your relationships too.

If you end up in court, you will be dismayed to learn how little the Court is interested in you, who you otherwise holiday with and what you want, when reaching their decisions. The Court is there for your daughter.

I think its difficult as the OP has sprung this on the ex at very short notice. Why?

when was the holiday booked?

why did you wait so long to speak to ex?

Yes you have equal rights and it makes no difference who you go on holiday with. She's your daughter and you have PR stop letting your ex control you and your child. Respect to you

oh great another one 🙄

Family court - C100 application. Job done.

Not sure that what that is supposed to mean but as another guy I would take my child on holiday with who I like! My ex would certainly not stop me or for that matter no one would stop me. I provided half of that child's life so I have a right to provide them a holiday and a decent life. The ex is clearly just bitter in my opinion sadly it happens 😕

Did you actually read the thread or are you just agreeing because he's a man...

Yes I read it completely been in the same situation in the past. Took it to court the judge simply said as long as the parent could ensure the safety of the child it wasnt a problem who they travelled with. Like I said bitter mum it happens

I dont think it matters on gender its what's in the childs best interests and thats all what is important surely.

If you provide half of your child's life I'm assuming 50/50 then it's not a comparable situation. Nothing about this thread indicates this is a bitter mum.

As a seperated father ny ex takes the child on holidays all the time. I simply want what is best for them and provide them spending money support etc. Same as if I take them away she has no right to ask me anything the moment we became exs meant I didnt have to justify anything to her. Also vice versa I do not care about her I am simply there for my child.

I dont think it matters if its 50/50 or whetever as long as there is no court legal prevention for the childs safety. Then a father or mother should be able to take their child on holiday regardless of the other parents views. I mean she clearly is not happy about the other party thats why the guys not disclosed her and said his mum is going. Sadly she gave up the right to even question him when they became exs. Live and let live and just get on with your own life.

I mean she clearly is not happy about the other party thats why the guys not disclosed her and said his mum is going.

How could she not be happy about a partner she didn't know existed... She's also not said he cannot go even given his lie.

I also think the split of time makes a huge difference. This is someone who isn't used to having their child for more than 48 hours and is now apparently capable of parenting her for a whole week in another country.

So you are happy if your daughter is sleeping in a room with an unknown man and won't even give you a name?

It happens either way I would be happy as I know my ex is a responsible adult so will protect my child. Its not my choice its hers same as its his choice to take her away on holiday with his new partner.

I agree with your words however it has to be done sometime. Shut because hes not had her for more than 48hrs etc. Im sure at least on one occasion the mother has left the child with him for longer times when they were together. Just because they are no longer together makes him no lesser of a father in my opinion. Give him the opportunity as I daid he had my support not just as a man but also a fellow seperated parent. Go and enjoy the holiday with your daughter and if she stops you tell the judge the mother is alienating her.... have fun my brother ❤️

And yet he's happy to leave his precious dd under her care for 26/30 of the month?

Over the last since years since my son was 5 my wx has introduced him to over 30 men and been on holiday with him and some of them men. Sleeping in the same room that man being a father to my son. I totally didnt agree and went to court where the judge stated as the mother she could do as she wished 🙄 so I wish the brother luck as women seem to be able to do it why not men?...

Is that you STBXH?! Or just yet another undeveloped man reading from the same crappy handbook that is ALL about male ego and less about what is actually better for the child?

Your ex is not child centred either then - if that is true.

Narcissists are so boring.

It would be interesting to know the reason the marriage broke up.
And you are wrong about being able to do whatever you'd like.

I got those vibes too but hard to know if I’m just seeing those patterns everywhere because my STBXH fits that bill.

OP you are an absolute melt!

Not only did the OP lie, he didn't even own up to it - the ex found out! He didn't seem to have any intention of telling her at all, dragging his mother and child into it. I wonder if he asked his child to keep a secret from mummy and not tell her about the girlfriend. Some people seem to think it's the ex being controlling, bitter and manipulative despite agreeing to let the child go on holiday with a man who's lied. Unbelievable.

And tarnishing the OP's ex with the same brush as Joe Blogg's/ next door neighbour's/ brother's /SIL's abusive/narcissist ex when there's nothing to suggest she's done anything unreasonable other than call him a name.

I'm sure this will have expensive and stressful consequences in future - rather than focusing on repairing the damage he's done to his relationship with the mother of his child he wants to go to court to get permission he could have had from day 1. Why waste money, talking is free.