To think I should be able to take my daughter on holiday

[jj3457]

Hi everyone. I know some people may not like this, but I am a dad posting, just looking for some advice.

I told my ex I would like to take our daughter (3) on holiday to spain for 5 days with me and my mum.

Now this is where I messed up, and I will hold my hands up. I was dishonest when I told her I would be going with my mum. We will actually be going with my partner who my ex hasn’t met. I know this was a stupid lie but I was just worried my ex wouldn’t give consent for the holiday if she knew who was actually going.

To make matter worse, my ex has now found out that my mum is actually going to Florida for 2 weeks at the time I said she was coming to Spain with us.

My ex has messaged to say that she will not be handing over the passport until I give explicit details about the travel. I know that once I tell her I’m going with my partner she will refuse to consent. The holiday is booked and paid for.

I know I’m in the wrong for being dishonest but I am on the birth certificate and have as much right as she does to take her on the holiday. My ex has taken her abroad several times before and this is my first time.

what can I do if my ex refuses to give consent?

thanks

The girlfriend will probable be really relieved if the child doesn’t come

Indeed I suspect you would be furious at her lying to you and expecting your child to keep secrets.

I genuinely don't understand why your partner needed to come at all. Why not just spend some quality time with your daughter.

It’s the lie for me… How can your ex trust you now? In this situation I don’t blame her if she refuses.

That’s not the right way really; exes don’t get to sign off on new partners. But he should have told her with plenty of warning so that if the ex did kick off there would have been time to apply to court.

You lied, you made it weird. I wouldn’t trust you neither. This one is completely your own fault.

You ex has said she will withhold the passport unless she is given specific details so I would just give her the specific details. Why don't you want to do that?

Your partner could just ...not go. Surely that's an option if it means you get to take your DD away? Why wouldn't you want to do that?

Just take your daughter.

You’ve completely fucked up here.

your ex was going to let you go away with your daughter happily until you lied to her. From her perspective now, what else are you lying about?

How new is a new partner?

you need to accept that this is a scenario of your own making here and you won’t be taking your daughter, or you won’t be taking your partner.

How did you think this was going to pan out? Did you not anticipate that you'd be found out?

How long have you been with your girlfriend? How long since she met your daughter? What's the longest you've had your daughter for since the split?

Funnily I’d actually be more comfortable with my three year old going away with his dad and a gf than just his dad as I think a gf would be more sensible and nurturing than his dad is, plus an extra adult to help in any emergencies is always better. But I am over the relationship and not jealous or wanting him back - at a more raw stage I may have got in my feelings about this.

For those asking, my daughter sleeps over every other weekend, and the weekend she’s not sleeping over, I have her for the day

Yes you should be able to take DD on holiday. You shouldn't be able to take her anywhere if you're going to lie to her mother about it.

If your ex refuses the only thing you can do is take her to court.

Im a step parent, here are some things that me and DH did before taking his boys on holiday:

• for the first couple of years he took his kids on holiday on his own
• once we all lived together and I had built a trusting relationship with his kids mum, then we took them on holiday
• he agreed dates and locations with their mum and she had contact details for everywhere we were staying (and you should expect the same in return for their holidays)
• when staying in hotels he stayed in one room with his boys and I had my own room. Now the boys are older they share an adjoining room to us.

Legally does my ex have a right to know who I’m going on holiday with?

you shouldn’t have lied but I don’t think YABU, however you won’t get any support on here as most posters on mumsnet hate dads

What was your plan for when you got back and your daughter kept mentioning your girlfriend and didn't mention your mum?

Wouldn’t you want to know if the tables were turned regardless of legal position?!

How long have you been with the new girlfriend?

So your ex didn’t object to you taking your child on holiday to begin with, it’s only since she’s found out you’ve told a massive lie that she’s concerned about you taking her very young child out of the country. I’d have concerns too.

All you can do now is come clean and tell her your actual plans including your girlfriend coming with. You absolute numpty.