Holidays with grandparents

[gettingold55555]

No judgement either way but just wondering what everyone’s set ups are with holidays. I can tell my mum is put out that we don’t always holiday with her but we can only really afford one holiday and prefer to go alone.
do you holiday with grandparents and if so do they pay? Any friends I have that holiday with their parents/grandparents to kids it’s because their parents pay? Just wondering if that’s the norm as my mum wouldn’t pay for anything for us which is fine but just wondering if im being unreasonable by wanting to just do my only holiday with my husband and kids?

DC are now young adults, but we have never had so much as a weekend away with either set of our parents… we have the sort of parents that liked to tell everyone they would take the kids to Disneyland etc (including the kids) and never taking them!

Yes we regularly holiday with our parents. My in-laws pay most of the time but we have split costs a couple of times. My mum splits costs when we go away.

always away with my parents - they dont pay for us - they pay for themselves

but they babysit loads so get time to hang out with my husband and have pool time and relaxation as well

they get own apartment and we dont always eat together or do things together - its a seperate holiday but we meet up some meals and for drinks some evenings

The only people I know who holidayed like that had parents who were very supportive, understood boundaries (both ways) and actually helped…oh and at least paid their way. Basically the kind of parent-adult child relationship that is very good all year round due to mutual respect. People communicate well, work together and no one goes in a huff. In the minority.

We had a holiday with in-laws once when our youngest was a toddler. We asked them in they wanted to come and when they said yes booked a three bed rather than a two bed cottage. They just assumed we were paying. Ok…They also let us pay for all the meals out and all the groceries without even offering 😮. Oh and do all the cooking and clearing up. The only time they helped was one evening when they insisted we go to the local pub and they would babysit (toddler already asleep in bed). We didn’t really want to go…but felt obliged to due to the fuss they were making. That was 20 years ago - never again! I don’t know what we expected really as this is very much their MO.

When our kids were younger (all grown adults now) we used to go on holiday once every other year with my mum but that was mainly because my stepdad died and she didnt want to put on us every Christmas so every other year we would go skiing, mum paid for most of it. We only once went on holiday with my Husbands parents and extended family once and we did really enjoy it but wouldnt want to do it every year or even every other year! So in answer to your question, no, I wouldn't want to give up a family holiday to go with my parents or in laws every year but I would do it once, maybe for a big birthday year or something.

When our kids were younger (all grown adults now) we used to go on holiday once every other year with my mum but that was mainly because my stepdad died and she didnt want to put on us every Christmas so every other year we would go skiing, mum paid for most of it. We only once went on holiday with my Husbands parents and extended family once and we did really enjoy it but wouldnt want to do it every year or even every other year! So in answer to your question, no, I wouldn't want to give up a family holiday to go with my parents or in laws every year but I would do it once, maybe for a big birthday year or something. Having said that, my kids and grandkids seem very keen to come on holiday with us, me not so keen 😆

We’ve been away with both sets of grandparents. Neither paid and both times were fairly awful. We’re just back from a week away with my parents whom we get on with well and it was like having 4 children. Never again with either set of grandparents. We’re currently on 4 nights away just us to recover.

We have done this many times in the past with either set of parents and always split the cost. It was a good way to spend time with our parents (they didn't live close to us) and they did some childcare to give us some couple time. It also brought down the cost of accommodation and lightened the load of meal prep etc. Or course they occasionally did my head in but mostly we had fun.

Sadly the last time we did this was heartbreaking due to the worsening of mum's dementia. I am very glad for the memories of better times and miss what we once had.

Not as a rule, but we do spend holidays with one grandparent (my mum, DD's grandma) from time to time. Will be going to Nice and the surroundings for a month this August, but this is not an every-year thing. No, she didn't pay; I'm covering DD and myself.

We go abroad at least 5 times a year, so one holiday with grandparent (s) is fine with us. Wouldn't do it if it would be my only holiday, no.

As the gp here, I took my daughter and family once. Not something I would do again. However I now take grand child away for a week each year ( infant school age) everyone happy

With my ex partner and two older children we went a handful of times with my parents and we paid for ourselves, I think they maybe paid a bit towards our holiday but not much. My Mum and Dad separated and then me and my ex separated so no one had many holidays for maybe a decade. We’ve just the last two years started going abroad with the younger kids and newer (long term) partner and we invited my Mum on our 1st one. She didn’t pay anything towards our holiday and we actually ended up paying a bit extra because we paid for a private transfer, pre-booked seats that we hadn’t thought about etc and didn’t ask her for money towards it. My Mum was slightly annoying on holiday, we didn’t argue or anything but she constantly put up parasols so the sun wasn’t on me so I had to move (instead of moving herself) she made herself ill by drinking and eating too much, she wasn’t very mobile which isn’t her fault but she didn’t even try and get her fitness up a bit by walking before we went (and this is something she does each summer anyway usually 🙈) so I decided that because it wasn’t a habit that we would just go this year without her and not even mention any reason why she wasn’t invited, after all, it’s perfectly normal for a family to go away without extended family. Well my son asked her if she was coming 😂 she said ‘ask Mummy and Daddy if I can come next time.’ So we’re going twice this year because obviously she guilt tripped me. I don’t plan on doing it going forward though as we can only afford one holiday usually and I think it’s fine not to go with her every year. I feel a bit annoyed now though because she went away abroad with a friend this year and has booked to go again next year so I didn’t really need to feel like she wouldn’t get away without us. I won’t feel obliged next year put it that way.

I wouldn’t even acknowledge what she’s saying. If you think you would feel guilty if she passed and you hadn’t been with her ever then maybe have one holiday with her. Unless you get on exceptionally well in my opinion it is a bit of a holiday spoiler.

Just say that’s nice Mum, and move on to the weather.

I go on holiday with my mom and my son. We tend to pay half or I pay for onsite and she pays for travel.
I haven’t had the budget to book a holiday just me and my son yet but I think it might be a bit awkward when I do.

I’ve been away with mine 3 times and no they don’t pay. It’s lovely to spend time with them and they support with the kids.

They aren’t overbearing though and do their own thing half the time

I love my Mum to bits, if our holidays match up she always comes with us. We pay for ourselves. If my mum wants some peace and quiet we take the kids out and she relaxes. She’s not expected to pay for us or look after the kids at all and I genuinely enjoy her company.
I’ve holidayed with the in-laws also and same set up as long as I’ve got my own space to retreat too ❤️
(I wouldn’t holiday with my Dad 😅. Love him, but no haha)

We do a family holiday just our household. However we do tend to do things with grandparents too. Mum and dad have booked ten days at a caravan park in September. Me and my son are joining them for one of the weekends. Mum and dad paid for that. May half term I have booked a caravan holiday to coincide with a family wedding nearby. My mum and dad will join us for that. I paid for this one.

we used to do a fair few trips with my mil too when she was recently widowed. However she had entered her travel guide era and is pretty booked up with her friends. We will be going away with her next year as she has a big birthday. We usually pay for her which is odd as she is a richer pensioner than my parents but she has more children and worries about being fair. My parents don’t have those issues and so we tend to take turns more etc.

You definitely aren’t being unreasonable (it’s up to you what you would enjoy) but we do holiday with both sets of grandparents (and we usually pay) but this is because (1) we have young kids and no support during the rest of the year because both grandparents live overseas; (2) it’s an opportunity for the kids to spend time with grandparents and for us to have a tiny bit of a holiday too without dumping the kids with strangers; (3) grandparents are both really helpful eg if we go to self contained places they do most of the cooking. Things might change as the kids get older and more self sufficient but for now it works for us.

I did it most years and with wider family. My parents would pay for one kid, couldn’t afford more but paid for meals. I loved it as I love spending time with my parents as did my partner and children. Probably is my most treasured memories and sad it won’t happen again. I also went lost if holidays with my grandparents and had the best time. When it was just my gran left my parents paid for her

I also don’t think it would be fair to only ever holiday with the parents who can afford to pay for everyone if other parents couldn’t afford this and then don’t get any time because of their financial situation

I go on a small holiday with my parents and kids once a year, it’s normally a mid week camping/caravan holiday for 3/4 nights and husband stays at home and works. Parents will usually pay for the accomodation for us. Haven’t been on a foreign holiday with them for years, as we enjoy very different types of holidays. This way we still get our normal family holiday on our own as well then

We go at least every other year with my parents - they heavily subsidise as they like (and can afford) more luxurious holidays than us. They still have separate holidays on those years and we often have a smaller trip just our household too.

We don’t do the same with DHs parents - partly logistics (they’re divorced with new partners which feels more awkward), partly finances (we’d have to pay) and partly we just don’t have the same relationship with them and it would be stilted / not as fun.

Dd2 goes away with her pil every year. The first time the pil paid (5* AI) as they really wanted to go and dd2 wasn't sure but last time pil paid 2/3 and dd2 paid 1/3. Pil paid more as they wanted to go to the same resort which was more expensive than dd2 could afford. They did all have a good time and dd2 really appreciates her mil. Her pil also looked after their dc when she went abroad with her dh for a short break. Dd2 does have multiple holidays without them as well.

We did a villa with my mum couple of times when my DC were small, and mum and I also had a few cottage weeks in the UK with the kids and left DH at home. However, I always paid for all of it. Haven’t done it for years, and she’s increasingly too tired/ill/generally out of sorts, so it wouldn’t be a holiday for anyone.

In your case, OP, can you talk in terms of ‘Jenny and Steve take Hannah and her family on holiday’? Honestly, there is no way I would want to always have my Mum/MIL with us on our only holiday of the year, however well we get on.

What should happen if you couldn't afford more than one holiday and you want to spend that holiday with your partner and kids, then the in-laws offe to pay for another holiday with them. Do you have to say no because you can't afford to pay to go with your own parents? (and they can't or won't pay for everyone).

We used to holiday with both sets of grandparents as children - but they definitely always paid for everyone! We used to also holiday as a nuclear family too. My parents would not want to holiday with our DC but my inlaws would, again they would pay. My inlaws live on the coast so just going to see them is like a holiday to be honest.