Holidays with grandparents

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No judgement either way but just wondering what everyone’s set ups are with holidays. I can tell my mum is put out that we don’t always holiday with her but we can only really afford one holiday and prefer to go alone.
do you holiday with grandparents and if so do they pay? Any friends I have that holiday with their parents/grandparents to kids it’s because their parents pay? Just wondering if that’s the norm as my mum wouldn’t pay for anything for us which is fine but just wondering if im being unreasonable by wanting to just do my only holiday with my husband and kids?

I should add that we didn’t live near family so going away or staying at their house )near the sea) meant time together, my adult dc are still close to their grandparents and go as often as then can to see them without my input

Holiday with grandparents…never. Holidayed once with my parents but left the boys at home . With their other grandparents . 10 days. Of hell.never again. In fact, I didn’t speak to them for the next 11 years , and barely speak now 50 years later

Oh..my kids would not recognise my mother if they met her in the street. She’s never met my grandson

Hey OP.
I think you're lovely to be so sensitive to your mum's vibes and I can hear you're a bit torn as a result. You could have just been blunt and defensive but that hasn't been your way.

That said, I don't think family life is easy for most people these days and you are right to prioritise what your immediate family wants and needs for that valuable one week away per year. I am sure there are other ways to show your mum she is special and you value her but you're allowed to say: 'for the 1 week a year we can afford, we just want to chill in our own space, mum. Let's do xx when we come back with you'

I'd gently bat off the comparison game your mum seems to be affected by with ' I guess all families are different and if we could afford 2 holidays like some, I guess we could think about options'. Good luck :)

Likewise we can only afford one holiday and we go as our own family, nothing else has ever been suggested, but my SIL was a single mum and my MIL and FIL used to take her and our nephew away every year when he was little, but they were working and earning then, they are retired now and watching their pennies more, not that I would want them to pay for us, prefer us to have our own family time on holiday

Be a bit passive aggressive back 'oh my friend has just had a lovely trip with her parents. Her parents paid for everything as a treat isn't that lovely!'

She should certainly be paying for herself if joining you and everyone else if able to imo.

I ignore any and all passive aggressive neediness from my mother. I would never ever go on holiday with her or my father (they are still together), or my PILs. Can’t think of anything worse tbh.

In the past, we’ve done two self catering holidays in England with son, DiL and grandchildren. Daughter and SiL came on one.

We had a big house and each group did their own thing during the day if they wanted to. We did a couple of beach days, rockpooling, building sand castles etc, but on other days we just came together in the evening. We paid for the house and we shared food costs.

We stay with my family for a week in summer. I hate it, I hate where they live and I hate the journey and I hate not being able to do what I want. Child loves it though so I pretend to.

We go on holiday with just the 4 of us, in August; go with the in-laws camping at the end of August.
We cannot afford the type of holidays my parents like to go on, so we don’t holiday with them. However, they will often take one or other of our children with them (taking advantage of free child spaces)

Good enough reason not to have her along on your only holiday of the year, for sure!

I live in a different country to my family so I always go on holiday with my DD, parents, brothers and nephews. My parents and I pay for all and we are better financially than the rest. In the past when my brothers were capable of it they paid their shared and even all but unfortunately they have a health condition and none can work at the moment.
I suppose that there is not a rule and each family is different. Some will go, some won't, some pay some won't.

We used to go to a French villa for 2 weeks and in laws would come out for a week in the middle (and help with expenses).

I'm so glad you have those beautiful memories, it's what life is all about (imo)

Haven’t been on holiday with either of my parents since I was about 12 and I definitely wouldn’t expect them to pay if we did. We go abroad once a a year and couldn’t imagine a worse set up than having my mum or my mother in law there.

We always do one holiday a year with our daughters and granddaughter usually with a couple of friends too . We get a villa with a pool and a couple of cars . We pay for the villa and the girls flights and the friends pay for their own flights .
we’ve just come back from a great week away in Spain . We all chip in for the shopping and meals out .

My children are adults now, but we did a few holidays with my parents (never PIL, DH and I didn't have that kind of relationship with them, and they holidayed very differently than us). We always paid our own way, apart from a big milestone birthday where my parents paid for a big villa in France that we all went to. DH and I get on very well with my parents, and although they weren't 'on the floor playing' kind of grandparents with the children, they've always helped out when needed (they live 1.5 hrs away, so not day-to-day help, but when needed), and have become much more interested as the children were growing up (and IMO became more interesting!).

My advice is to always ensure there is enough space - no sleeping on sofas or too many people to a room - and make sure you build in stuff to do apart from each other in the day.

We do a lot of group holidays, this is how we stay harmonious.

We did go to France and Portugal for a week both times, with my parents, but this was before my son was born. We have gone away for a week to Majorca with them when my son was 2. Since then it's been a few days at a time and not regularly. We prefer to go away, just the 3 of us.

The fact your mum is being passive aggressive about it makes it completely understandable that spending your one holiday a year with her does not appeal!
Even if you had a better dynamic, it's up to you how you spend your holiday.
Do your thing, guilt free.
No need to explain yourself either.

I always went on holiday with my grandparents as we went back to a place my family had been going to in north cornwall since the 60s. We likely couldn't have afforded it without them and it seemed unthinkable to not go as group. This was pre and post my mum and dad divorcing.

We now invite my mum on that week if we go there, carrying on the tradition. Mum pays a third. She's single and very adventurous re her own holidays by herself and with friends. She pays towards food and will also buy meals out and tea and cake etc, same as we do.
We get a night where we go out without our son and she watches him.
I love my memories of holidays with my grandparents and I know they treasured them. I hope my son does the same.

We would also go away for another week on own own elsewhere and maybe another few days once or twice a year.

I’ve only been on holiday with grandparents once because they paid for it. She didn’t enjoy it very much with the grandkids! Was never to be repeated. We didn’t particularly love going with them as they were a bit controlling with where we went. Towards the end of the holiday, we all went on our separate days out. Most of my friends do not holiday with grandparents, I know of one who does regularly because they pay for it.

We are a blended family and take all 5 adult children, partners and children (only 1 so far) skiing every year. If we weren’t paying I doubt they’d come.

We had holidays every year with my dad and his partner sometimes for 3-4 weeks during that time my adult children might of joined us for a weekend or a week, they are some of my favourite memories, I lost my dad suddenly in December and I am so lucky I had those holidays to look back on and cherish.

My parents moved to the med when their first two grandchildren (elder one mine) were toddlers. We were then expected to go there every holiday. It was, frankly, a drag. We are now grandparents and try to be sensitive as to invites but be there when needed to help out. We did take our daughter, son-in-law and grandchild to Africa on safari as our treat to lay down some memories (luckily, they said it was magical so I think they enjoyed it as much as we did). So I definitely think your mother is being unreasonable. I would never expect the younger generation who are working hard, paying horrible mortgages, to give up their holiday entitlement and their holiday budget, to accommodate me. Do not feel guilty. Any parent who tries to make a child feel guilty needs to grow up, frankly.

I love my grandkids but not bothered about going on holiday with them. Sounds too much like hard work.