To be annoyed at the assumption that I am a Mrs?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

So I completed a update form at the dentist for myself and my daughter; the ones they routinely hand out. It didn't ask for my title, but I ticked the "married" box.
Next thing I know, my name pings up on the screen as Mrs .
Just no!!
At the end of my appointment I went to ask for it to be corrected, but AIBU to be annoyed at the assumption?
A bit like the thread today referring to the new prime minister's wife as Mrs Burnham. She is Ms van Heel.

It’s great to read these comments. Naming is deterministic, and patriarchal naming conventions are problematic for women. Along with many other insidious practices, they are reductive and limiting. No one makes choices in a vacuum and we’re all influenced by social norms. In that context, I completely understand why women still go by Mrs and take their husbands’ names. That doesn’t mean that it’s defensible in a purely rational sense.

Patriarchy depends upon women arguing unconstructively among themselves about things like this. It would be great to discuss this without some of the insults that have been thrown around on this thread. The point isn’t personal, but structural. I don’t question anyone’s personal choice but I do understand those choices as a product of structural inequality.

Firstly, I'd have asked them to change it too. I'm a Ms.

Secondly, I would be querying with the dentist why they even need my marital status. GDPR state that if they don't have a reason to gather information, they shouldn't. They could get a nasty fine if they were reported to the ICO.

Yes, I actually would do both the above. Men don't have that crap.

If I were to get married now, I don't know if I would take his name. I hated my maiden name so probably but I wouldn't do it unthinkingly now.

My surname on my medical records is my married name but I'm logged as a Miss. I dont care. When I had my daughter, my husband/her dad was there and clearly the father. However because I was down as a Miss, they didnt realise we were married and several medical staff including senior staff commented on her having my surname (ie not the father's surname). I didn't bother correcting them. He was down as next of kin and clearly imvolved. I like to think they thought I was sticking it to the patriarchy.

Tbf, if I had my daughter and wasn't married, she would have had my surname, not the father's anyway so they were hypothetically correct.

I prefer the title that’s on the bank card I’m going to pay for the service with, whether it be for the dentist or a travel ticket or a passport.

It’s accurate.

@AnAutumnCrow Not quite sure what you mean?

The title on the bank card will be the title OP has decided to call herself, so definitely not Mrs.

It's a choice & people should respect your choice. You mention your DH & your daughter have your surname as she is part of you both. Does this mean you all have a double barreled surname now 🤔

I can see the sense & lack of confusion if the family opt for the double barreled name. On the other hand in the scenario where the child through marriage doesn't share the same surname as both the mother & father to me that feels wrong. I wouldn't be comfortable with that in any respect. To have the same surname as my DH & child would
be my priority when deciding how to refer to myself after marriage.

I have to be honest, no offence intended & simply an opinion. I've never liked the Ms option. I've heard someone announcing themselves as Mz emphasising Z but written as Ms. It kind of made me cringe.

@WillTheRealDeanGaffneyPleaseStandUp I'm not quite sure what you are on about. My dentist knows DH as well as he knows me. When I visit, he asks after DH and the DC. When DH visits he asks after me and the DC.

If we are in the garden when he walks past, we all wave.

@Batties Oh, is that what she was going on about? Well first off, passports don't have titles if that's what she meant?! My bank card obviously has Ms on it. All legal documents, when requiring the title, should obviously have the correct one and mine is Ms.

I am surprised at the amount of posters who feel you are being unreasonable or petty @Cheeseandolivesplease.

I appreciate that it doesn’t bother some people, and that is their prerogative. However I strongly dislike that a woman’s title is routinely used to indicate her relationship to a man.

I can’t see it in any context than perpetuating the patriarchy. I find it disappointing that things like this are so deeply ingrained that even women who claim to be feminists want to keep the status quo rather than move towards neutrality.

That I absolutely 100% agree with you.

Fed up of people assuming titles for me, asking about my marital status when it’s irrelevant, and ignoring my correct title anyway when told by me what it is. It’s the one on my bank card, it’s the one on the form I’ve filled in, it’s the one that I use day to day.

I’ve had a whole working lifetime of this.

I just don't like all & sundry thinking it's ok to use my Christian name.. you're lucky if anyone affords you the use of your surname these days!

And.. speaking of Andy Burnham's wife.. does she ever smile?

What are the DC of all these double barellers going to do in 30 years. Quad barrel. Esme and Teddy Hart-Bowman-Duffy-Jones?

And Esme and Teddy's grandchildren:
Hart-Bowman-Duffy-Jones-Taylor-Green-Kumar-Chatterjee?

I’ll be sure to keep my voice down when giving my title and surname so I don’t make anyone else cringe. Thanks

@Wishitwasstraightforward I think it's unfortunately mainly because they don't understand the patriarchy behind it, that it's "just a title" and it's "no big deal."

@Beekman Well we all do have the same last name; myself, my husband, our daughter. We are all dbd as we both added on.

Is there anything wrong with a woman being proud of telling the world she has committed herself to one man in life if that's her orientation. The title MRS tells people your marital status. I see absolutely nothing wrong or patriarchal about it.

@Sunseaandtea Does a man do the same?!! Why not?

And how does a man tell the world the same thing using titles?

True 😂

@Beekman Exactly. There* *is no need to "tell the world". Men have never felt the need to, so why do women?!!

@Sunseaandtea Oh not this old chestnut!

You could say his wedding ring although I'm aware not all men wear them.😂

To be serious, I feel women are far too obsessed with comparing themselves to men. At the end of the day there will always be differences simply because we are made from different cloth.

@Sunseaandtea And this difference is misogynistic.
Out of interest, what other "differences" are you referring to?

Not even married but sometimes refer to him as the hubby for ease. Get called Ms my actual name, Mrs his name and he’s had Mr my name before which honestly I think he quite liked. Worse things happen at sea and am certain people have called me worse. 😂

Primarily the brain amongst other things. Look it up, it's interesting.