To be annoyed at the assumption that I am a Mrs?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

So I completed a update form at the dentist for myself and my daughter; the ones they routinely hand out. It didn't ask for my title, but I ticked the "married" box.
Next thing I know, my name pings up on the screen as Mrs .
Just no!!
At the end of my appointment I went to ask for it to be corrected, but AIBU to be annoyed at the assumption?
A bit like the thread today referring to the new prime minister's wife as Mrs Burnham. She is Ms van Heel.

Yes well we've readjusted society to appease the perpetually offended so that doesn't surprise me

37 years of happiness with my soul mate. It was love at first sight and we have not been apart unless entirely necessary since our 2nd date. I wear a ring and a bit like us, it shows signs of wear.

Absolutely agree. I refuse to be defined by marriage. In fact I dislike like that tick box anyway. What relevance does it have to dentistry? A next of kin field yes but not marital status.

I did work in an office where one of the older spinsters preferred to be known as Mrs. This was a while ago, she'd ge in her 80s now

Care point us to the evidence base for your assertion that this is what "most married people" prefer, let alone that "1 in 1000" cares?

PSA: The census doesn't include courtesy titles.

PSA 2: last time I checked roughly half of "married people" are men.

@Justbreathagain We both db'd. Our daughter was born just before we married and just as I wished for her to have my last name, my husband also wished the same. After all, she is half of him and half of me. Had my husband not wanted to db, I would also not have.
We do wear a wedding ring each.

@TheyGrewUp Did he add on to your last name then, assuming he is equally as proud?

I've never come across any kind of form to fill in that doesn't ask you to tick an option for title, eg: Dr/Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss/Other.

Very odd indeed.

Second comment to use this phrase. Probably different from you, I've spent many years living and working in countries not considered part of the first world and can assure you most people would find both that phrase and the assumptions behind it fucking condescending. Colonialism 2.0.

No because than would have made us xxx xxxxxxxxxxxx-xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. Most people can pronounce neither. And it woukd have been cruel to the children. Mine crueller than his.

However, my grannie married a forriner (Russian) in the 30s and he took her name.

How is “Ms” pronounced?! If I knew how it was pronounced, I might be more inclined to ask people if that’s their title. Is it like buzz but with and M ? Or mizz ?! Or like msssss (more like the sound of going for a wee).

"Madame" is used for ALL women as is "Frau" in German - it doesn't connote male ownership. Usage of "Fräulein" for an adult woman would be considered highly offensive.

I’m a teacher, prior to that, a research scientist.

When I lived in France, Mlle was very much a thing. Not just Mme.

Crikey 😂

Wait until you meet the real world.

I’m married. I’m not Mrs. I support whatever your choice of title/ surname is, why don’t you support mine?

Absolutely ridiculous isn’t it 😂

I hate this too. You’re not being one bit unreasonable. I’ve been Ms since I was 16 irrespective of marital status.

But Mumsnet gets curiously defensive about women with the temerity to assert their own identities. This is not deemed important and women are constantly told they’re making a big old fuss if they say it is.

How long until the inevitable ‘I couldn’t get worked up about that ….?’

That's really common unfortunately.

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210216-why-do-professional-titles-actually-matter

Life is much more enjoyable and relaxing when you don’t let such petty stuff wind you up. Learn to let it go, and accept that most people still conform to social norms.

@DixonD I'm 45 - so think I already have! In fact, it is statistically younger women with less professional standing who are more likely to change their title.
Fuerhermore, the likelihood of hyphenating or keeping a maiden name is higher among older brides and those with higher education (BBC).

@anonhopout of interest if you got divorced (I’m obviously not casting aspersions on your marriage, just theoretically) would you go back to being proudly Miss, keep feeling proud as a Mrs or take on Ms as your title?

Or if you can’t bring yourself to consider this, what title would you suggest for someone else who got divorced?

You’re fortunate. Mine insisted on referring me as Mrs HisName which is a name they know fine well isn’t mine.

In some cases it’s done to put women back into our box. For some years now I’ve used the Dr title as standard because I’m so bored with this noise. And hell would freeze over before the in-laws would address me as that!

Guys - by which I mean gals - this is all nuts. Our prefixes shouldn’t be determined by marital status. I’ve always thought it was strange even as a kid. My teachers were Mrs X, Miss Y, Ms Z. It’s distracting and unnecessary.

Bingo!