To be annoyed at the assumption that I am a Mrs?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

So I completed a update form at the dentist for myself and my daughter; the ones they routinely hand out. It didn't ask for my title, but I ticked the "married" box.
Next thing I know, my name pings up on the screen as Mrs .
Just no!!
At the end of my appointment I went to ask for it to be corrected, but AIBU to be annoyed at the assumption?
A bit like the thread today referring to the new prime minister's wife as Mrs Burnham. She is Ms van Heel.

Oh who cares? Why is it so important to you? Just let it go.

I can respect anyone's personsl preferences, as long as they don't lead to the detriment or opression of any other person or group of people.

@LondonLass2026 Trust me - many women care. Nowhere near as many as should, but many of us care about fighting against the patriarchy.

You can’t seem to even convince half the women here that what you’re saying is of any relevance or importance. I don’t think you’re exactly threatening the patriarchy! I’m just gently suggesting that your energies could probably be more usefully directed elsewhere.

Equally gently, that would also apply to the women who don't experience this but nonetheless expand energy on telling women who do how they should proceed.

Ok well good luck with the fight!

Well personally I think titles are on the way out anyway, so it's likely to become moot.

Yes they do care, but you know what? The ones who really care, really really care do not marry in the first place because like it or not, sooner or later somebody will call them Mrs.

You are part of society, by marrying you are declaring to society that you wish to be known as a couple, you are getting certain privileges for this status.
I believe married couples don't pay inheritance tax? Something like that.

Then you complain that society changes the title it's given to married women for ages to accommodate your preferential title.
Somebody making the terrible mistake of calling you 'Mrs' is some kind of terrible affront. Pass the smelling salts.

Your relationship is no longer a private matter. That ship sailed when you married.

And all this snooty stuff from some posters about it being just a legal contract, if it's just that, why have anybody else there apart from the two witnesses?

Ultimately you want the best of both both worlds: be recognised by society as a couple AND that society to bow down to your (niche) expectation of not being called Mrs when it's the title most women who are married are called!

And if you really wanted to fight the patriarchy, you wouldn't get married in the first place.

Yes they do care, but you know what? The ones who really care, really really care do not marry in the first place because like it or not, sooner or later somebody will call them Mrs.

Why on earth would anyone trust you on that?

Why would they trust you on anything you say here?

If I had such a serious issue with being called 'Mrs' that I honestly couldn't bear it and whinged every time somebody did there's no way I'd get married as I'm bound to be called it by somebody along the line.

Don't see why it would be different for anyone else with the same aversion.

The important distinction is that I'm speaking about my own experience. You, on the other hand, have invented a hypothetical group of women whom you want to exist, because of a belief that you hold (a foolish and badly legally informed one, as we've discussed already). That's quite a lot more than simply saying this is what you think you would do if you held a particular view. You're not even pretending you've come across anyone who thinks this IRL, and given how many posts you've made on that specific point you'd have told us by now if you did.

It's not a "niche" to be wanted to be treated equally to men.

Do you seriously think that if you don't get married it woukd solve the problem? You would still probably have to put up with people calling you Mrs, especially if you have children.

I don’t doubt your sincerity, this is obviously a big thing for you, but for most people there are far more relevant and important matters to get exercised about.

Equality is quite a big thing to me yes. I think it is to most people with any intelligence. Regardless, ridiculous to say that something shouldn't annoy someone because there are other things they can be annoyed about too.😂

I agree but I resent that we have to have anything really. When I refused to give a title they address me as just my surname.

You're wrong.

When you're married you're Mrs Jack Brown. When widowed you become Mrs Janice Brown.

I think times have changed. I think Ms used to be used to denote a divorced woman. I used it briefly when I lived alone as didn't want to advertise I did so and hoped it would protect me slightly. I then was very happy to be a Mrs Husbands name for many years. Now I'm either nothing / just surname 🙄 or Ms but I hate it. I feel shame on being divorced even though I knew it was right for me and hate the double standards as men are Mr and no one knows if single, married, widowed, civil partnered or divorced.

Just use Mrs then. Why not?

https://debretts.com/whats-in-a-name/

The facts, relating to traditional use are set out for you here.

I am not wrong, but thank you for trying to correct me.

Because I'm not married and certainly not his wife anymore. I assumed Mrs = married.

As it happens I'm in the process of changing my name my officially and would actually feel happier being Mrs New Name than Mrs h name. Haven't decided yet whether to be Ms and Mrs, especially as it seems you can call yourself Mrs without being married..

Obviously I tried to correct you as where I got my info from stated very clearly what I had said, ergo you were wrong.

I still think what I thought makes more sense but I apologise if you were upset/annoyed/ anything. If not, then fine.

@BermudaRhombus That's because the majority of women are either a) Happy to support maintenance of the patriarchy b) Don't understand how being a Mrs Hisname does so or c) Both.

@12234m You're definitely wrong. The evidence is there on my marriage certificate envelope 😀

Of course equality is important. It’s just that you seem to be fixating on a very niche issue in the wider context of achieving equality. But it’s obviously a big issue for you. I’ll leave you to continue the debate with like minded individuals.