To be annoyed at the assumption that I am a Mrs?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

So I completed a update form at the dentist for myself and my daughter; the ones they routinely hand out. It didn't ask for my title, but I ticked the "married" box.
Next thing I know, my name pings up on the screen as Mrs .
Just no!!
At the end of my appointment I went to ask for it to be corrected, but AIBU to be annoyed at the assumption?
A bit like the thread today referring to the new prime minister's wife as Mrs Burnham. She is Ms van Heel.

@Sunseaandtea What you have described in your post is a coercively controlling relationship:
"...men who are literally slaves to their wives to the point of having absolutely no control over the money they earn with the wife taking charge of all outgoings.

It's not the definitive answer though.

When people ask 'aibu?' all a person can reasonably do is ask, 'how would I feel in this situation?'

Now if the question was, 'is the receptionist in the wrong here?' then you'd be right' your reply is the correct answer.
Nothing more to be said. End of thread.

There's an extra element, though, aibu to be annoyed by it?

And even if I reconsider the question through the lens of it being a purely social etiquette issue, I still wouldn't be annoyed by it.
It's context, isn't it? If I were responsible for making sure that people addressed mail etc correctly, I'd be very annoyed because there are people that care, but when it comes to other people addressing me as 'Mrs' I don't care.

I think the key word here is 'annoyance' and just because it is incorrect social etiquette, there may be other reasons why a person is annoyed by being called Mrs.

Alpha male is now very much associated with the manosphere.
It's usually applied to a man who is very charismatic and attractive to women.

So I guess from that perspective an alpha female would be one that is very attractive to men.

I'm sure that there are other perspectives, too.

Exactly this. It's an assumption about other people's feelings, without even bothering to find out what they actually are, before using them in an Internet discussion. Very arrogant.

I know them well enough to know that they pick their battles.
I also know that one of them (probably both) would know absolutely that the receptionist should have used 'Ms'.
I also know that it's likely that she may not given the context give enough of a toss to correct it.

Why make somebody feel small and stupid over the relatively trivial 'offence' of being known as 'Mrs' not 'Ms' by the dental surgery?
Like does it matter here? In this situation?
Social etiquette also involves considering context.

And I'm not assuming anything. I've heard them being called 'Mrs' lots of times.
They've not complained.
And they would if they cared.
I can assure you of that.

Knowing someone picks their battles isn't the same as knowing if they're offended or not. And with the perhaps, you've already acknowledged that you don't actually know, and described them not being bothered as an equal possibility. This has already been established.

No idea if this is super common but of all the divorced women I knew growing up (who hadn't remarried or gotten into another relationship) stayed Mrs so I never really assumed a Mrs was married, just attached to the title. I find people never judge though who remain Mrs ex husband's surname yet those who want to be Ms are being somehow confusing.

Well men used to be called Master and Mister. But both shortened to Mr so it never became an issue like Mrs and Miss.

I do know though as they've been addressed as 'Mrs' lots of times in my company and they seem OK with it.
I also know that if anything offends them, they'll point it out!

Why is it so difficult to grasp that some people may not give a toss about whether they're called 'Mrs' or not?

Another thing, I am confident in saying that one of them at least is savvy enough to see the situation here as a whole on a social level.
What does she want out of this situation? What's the ultimate goal?
Good service from the dentist. The receptionist is the gateway to that, why potentially make her feel stupid over something that is so inconsequential like the dental surgery call her Mrs and not Ms?
Like it's that much of an issue in this particular situation.

Yeah it's funny how people who make the "choice" continue a patriarchal status quo want it to be respected but OPs choice not to is being ridiculed. I noticed a PP said all her friends group and all her daughters friends group have "chosen" to be a Mrs, but how much of a choice is it when the alternative is seen as someone making a big deal, being difficult and basically should just expect people to assume they've chosen to be called Mrs.

What a bizarre naive question. You do realise marriage (and civil partnership) provide a bunch of important legal protections. Educated people tend to do it for those reasons. You can change your title to Mrs at any time (it's not a legal requirement for you to be married) and shouldn't be the reason anyone is arranging a marriage 🫠

It's a bit weird though to keep saying you assume Ms means X even on a thread where you're being presented with the evidence that assumption is likely wrong.anf get your takeaway isn't to just not assume anyone's status.

Thanks for making a great case why Mrs is rarely a properly informed and free choice when women get this kind of shaming for not pandering to the patriarchy.

Going back to the issue at the dentist. Doesn't much depend upon tone.

"I prefer Ms" tinkly laugh.

"My title happens to be Ms" deadpan and slightly arsy.

Such a bizarre train of thought you're posting here. You only got married for the legal protections so you do understand fully that Mrs isn't automatically applied when you marry and it can actually be quite a pain in getting everything legally changed yet you're calling people stupid for knowing Mrs isn't mandatory and that it has nothing to do with the legal institution of marriage anymore. When pretty much every married woman went by Mrs you could say it's a reasonable social assumptions but it's not anymore not to the point you'd call people stupid. Love the casual misogyny of a woman defining herself one her own terms being a hissy fit too.

How is your husband associated with you at all publicly by name? Is his skin crawling at the idea and that's why his title doesn't need to change socially?

We're talking specifically about the group of women you're making assumptions about, not in general. I agree some women don't care, because they've said so.

And you're backtracking. Earlier in the thread you described the women you know not being bothered as an equal possibility to them being bothered. However you slice it, you've clearly never asked them.

I seem to have been defaulted to Mrs by my doctors and vet, even though I always tick Ms. But I'm not particularly bothered by it - it doesn't mean anything. I'm not and have never been married.

On the one hand you insist your relatives don't care but then you point exactly why women often don't correct it even though they do mind.

@QuintadosMalvados Your argument makes no sense. Not every woman takes their husband's last name in the first place!

@QuintadosMalvados
Let's take this definition of an "Alpha Male" which I believe to be in line with your interpretation:
"A dominant, assertive, and powerful male in a social group."
Do you find those qualities personally attractive and respectable in a man?
I imagine for you, personally, the answer is yes?
What do you feel about dominant, assertive and powerful females? Any differently?

Why are you so interested in who I find attractive?
It's weird.
I'm not interested in who you find attractive, in spite of you repeatedly stating why you find your dh attractive to me.
Like you need to convince me, a random person on the Internet. Ridiculous.

I have no issue at all with dominant, strong, assertive females. If it wasn't for the strong dominant females I know in my family and friendship group I'd have been in a right pickle at certain points in my life.

@QuintadosMalvados
That's my point. I'm not referring to sexual attraction here. You stated yourself that you respect "Alpha males "due to their traits listed, but the same respect doesn't apply to women. Clearly evidenced by the fact that you do have an issue with women being a Ms MyName.

Pretty sure you brought attractiveness into the equation by trying to accuse those who go by Ms instead of Mrs as doing so because their partners don't look like Brad Pitt, which was odd.

Sorry hit post too soon.
The only thing I've said is that what makes a man an alpha according to the manosphere is that he is deemed to be extremely attractive to women.
He could be a lazy good for nothing bum. Not in control of himself, let alone anything else.
So dominance, assertion etc are things you've brought into it. Not me.

Why have you mentioned these qualities?I don't think that I did.