To be annoyed at the assumption that I am a Mrs?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

So I completed a update form at the dentist for myself and my daughter; the ones they routinely hand out. It didn't ask for my title, but I ticked the "married" box.
Next thing I know, my name pings up on the screen as Mrs .
Just no!!
At the end of my appointment I went to ask for it to be corrected, but AIBU to be annoyed at the assumption?
A bit like the thread today referring to the new prime minister's wife as Mrs Burnham. She is Ms van Heel.

They seem to use the title in their professional lives.
They are quite forthright and I've addressed things to them as 'Mrs so-and-so' and I've been there when people have addressed them as 'Mrs so-and-so' in restaurants etc.

They've never kicked up a fuss over it.
Ever. And believe me if they were offended they would.

Maybe they're secure enough in their achievements not to care.

I don't kick up a fuss either but that doesn't mean I don't find it irritating sometimes. It depends who does it. I am sure people would expect me to make a fuss.

@QuintadosMalvados Well good job I find him incredibly attractive! And incredibly supportive too ❤️ Conversely, I find "Alpha Male" types deeply unattractive. You know the type - insists on paying on a first date, wants to be "the provider", feels emasculated when his wife wants to keep working after they've had children, won't do his share of child care and housework.
No thanks.

I get it, my partners extended family assume they I have his surname and address things and wedding table places to Mr & Mrs Jones. First time I was like hey I’m not on the table plan.

I’m up north. Didn’t change my name when I married 25 years ago. Haven’t changed it in more recent marriage either.

Being pissed off and kicking up a fuss are two different things.

I'd say most people wouldn't make a fuss, but that's not to say they'd all be fine with constantly being called the wrong name or title because people assume rather than ask.

Ms is actually the default these days if you don't know how someone is addressed.

@Muffsies Exactly. I didn't "kick up a fuss" at all. But it did bother me and I did correct them.

Of course it should bother you. It is not polite or standard to assume someone's title based on their marital status. As i have said previously in this thread, i manage a very large database of thousands of women, you DO NOT assume they are Mrs or Miss based upon marital status, whether known or not. The default given title to women is Ms, and it has been for AT LEAST a couple of decades.

I even asked AI (knowing the response i'd get):
The universally accepted default title for any adult woman—regardless of whether she is married or her marital status is unknown—is Ms.. It is the female equivalent of Mr. and allows you to be polite without making assumptions about her personal life or name choices.
While Mrs. is traditionally used for a married woman, professional and modern etiquette advises using Ms. as the standard choice for correspondence.

I think that the problem on this thread is that people are conflating tradition as opposed to modern standard etiquette in a professional setting.

In the case that the OP describes, modern standard etiquette should apply.

Well that's good information from an expert.
I don't doubt for a second that you are correct.

A lot of this thread has not been about correct social etiquette though, it's been about patriarchy and marriage and other issues.

That being said, I absolutely believe you are correct from a professional and social etiquette position.

Well perhaps but then again it's equally possible they just aren't that bothered.

Typically married women go by Mrs. It’s the cultural norm so if you want to be referred outside of the norm then you can request that. I am not a Ms.

Although tbf to you I’m not sure why we need to be referred to by a title at all. All it does is identify sex.

Maybe, how would you even know, and frankly, so what? I think that your input is irrelevant to the thread.

1. The standard given title for a woman in a professional setting is Ms., until she tells you otherwise.

2 The OP was not "making a fuss", she just corrected their clear error in standard etiquette.

So how do your relatives theoretical reactions have anything to do with the thread?

Thanks. I want to bring this back to the actual point of the thread. I love a good debate and i have read all the different points, it's interesting.

Everyone is very entrenched in thier views because they are arguing different things.

This thread was put into a general aibu thread, not a social etiquette section so anybody can have an input coming at the question with whichever angle they deem to be appropriate.

If she'd specifically asked, 'Is this correct social etiquette?', I wouldn't have said anything as I'm not an expert.

You appear to be. Great.

I put it to you, though, that a lot of women are not bothered about being called 'Mrs' because it is not correct social etiquette.
They may not be getting upset about it because of that.

There are other issues involved.

Anyway why didn't the OP just look it up she thought it was purely a social etiquette issue?
Shed soon have her answer.

So your reply , while relevant, is just one of a few reasons why women may get upset by it.

I agree!

I don't speak for OP obvs, but she clearly loves a debate! I have no idea why any particular person posts on AIBU, do you?

I'm just trying to bring this thread back to the point. Arguing all the 'other issues', whilst fun, seems pretty futile when there's an actual answer to the original post. Oppinions abound, and will go around in perpetuity, but they are not answers.

I don't understand why we have to be identified by sex or marital status either. It's really ridiculous when you think about it.

The fact that it helps people to make quick judgements about others is the whole point. Why do women get all these extra classifications? Ever wondered about that?

How do you know they aren't bothered though. I find it quite annoying but wouldn't say. If you don't kniw your female relatives well enough to remember their titles how do you know they don't care?

Yeh, I'm bothered as well but don't always say. In fact, lots of parents at the school I now teach at call me Mrs by default on emails. I don't correct them. Sometimes when they realise my title isn't Mrs they apologise.

Absolutely! A woman's worth used to be measured by marriage. We have moved past that now, thank goodness, but terminology hasn't caught up (and from the sounds of some archaic responses on here, won't for a while!)

This got me thinking is there a female equivalent of the alpha male. I've met men who are literally slaves to their wives to the point of having absolutely no control over the money they earn with the wife taking charge of all outgoings. It may be unusual but it definitely happens.

@Sunseaandtea Well of course there is; to think only men can be coercive controllers / abusers would be ludicrous!

YANBU but for what it’s worth the wife of Mr Burnham is Dr.

@MaggieBsBoat Where is the evidence you have for that? I haven't read any?

I was referring to the female equivalent of the alpha male description, not whether they existed.