To be annoyed at the assumption that I am a Mrs?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

So I completed a update form at the dentist for myself and my daughter; the ones they routinely hand out. It didn't ask for my title, but I ticked the "married" box.
Next thing I know, my name pings up on the screen as Mrs .
Just no!!
At the end of my appointment I went to ask for it to be corrected, but AIBU to be annoyed at the assumption?
A bit like the thread today referring to the new prime minister's wife as Mrs Burnham. She is Ms van Heel.

OP, i 100% agree with you. Sadly the patriarchal society we live in will have you told you are the one being unreasonable. I really detest the fact that women are labelled by their marital status whereas men are not. It is utterly archaic, and any woman calling themselves Mrs anything is contributing to a patriarchal system. I called myself Ms once I got married, and now I have a PhD and am Dr. I would never be called a Mrs. Upto other women if they want to be called Mrs, but I agree that nobody should assume your title - it's very outdated.

No they don't mean different things as people can use whatever title they want. The normal thing is to ask what people's name and title are rather than just decide without asking. Numerous women have said they don't use Mrs despite being married. Conversely, some divorced women and probably women who have never been married use Mrs.

@Nowyouseeme123 Exactly. So many women see titles as trivial but as you say, any woman calling themselves Mrs anything is contributing to a patriarchal system. Do you think they genuinely just don't see it or choose to ignore it to passify husbands?
The reality is, men by their very nature tend to support the patriarchy. How many husbands are happy with their wives going by Ms HerName? How many men would object? And how many women, deep down, know this and therefore title/name change?
Some others even believe Mrs is the "default title" upon marriage! You would of course hope not, but I think, judging from this thread alone, it would be quite surprising (and concerning), just how many do.

Oh totally. It's really sad. I'm a schoolteacher these days (used to teach in a uni) and I make sure the kids I teach are aware of the significance of titles and are aware of choice. It's disturbing it is just accepted by so many women.

My surname is double-barrelled. My husband wasn't too happy about that but it's my name and my choice.

Interestingly, I enjoy the fact my DH is a good looking manly man with an amazing understanding of women.

The fact I'm happy to be his Mrs is combined with his happiness to be my Mr. We are equal in the fact he is a man & I am a woman & we both accept each other. Above all we both accept our differences as both a male & a female. If the term in marriage is Mr & Mrs then it suits the majority of married men & women & will no doubt continue to do so.

Are you the type of Teacher with all due respect teach children they don't have to be a boy or a girl as described at birth because they can be whatever they want to be, just asking 🤔

What on earth does "we are equal in the fact that he is a man and I am a woman" mean?😂

I'd ask him for a divorce.
What else would I do?
Air my sex life in a courtroom?

Have him say we had sex and me saying we didn't?
At the end of the day, how is anybody else supposed to know, anyway?
My word against his.

It's not equal, either.
I don't want to be too graphic but it's easier to assess if a woman is a virgin than a man.
So that's your theory of it being equitable out the window.

Not that it would come to that, as most women aren't virgins when marrying.

But this is the sort of murky, intensely private stuff we're getting into here.

Yet again I'm going to assert that I'm on safe ground by stating that feminists are against it.

Nobody has the right to anybody else's body. Ffs.

Married or not.

I just don't think you see that it's women who are more likely to be affected by this.

It's a very childish view that because something applies to both sexes it's OK.

Reminds me of something I once read about a rich man having as much right to sleep under a bridge as a poor man.

What if they disagreed?

I think that's very unlikely as a feminist is surely more likely to be gender critical!

When ‘Ms’ first became a thing around the 80s, my late mother, born in the 30s, was not impressed. She announced that married women were ‘Mrs’, unmarried women were ‘Miss’ and that ‘Ms’ was “only for divorcees and lesbians”! She didn’t particularly approve of the latter 2 categories! 😂 😂

I always find it pretentious for anyone with a PhD to title themselves ‘Dr’. I know a few people who do this and I resolutely continue to address birthday cards, etc to Mr, not Dr. Why show off about your academic qualification, who cares?? Same with people who put BA/BSc etc after their name. It’s cringey. It’s a degree, loads of us have one, it’s not amazing.

IMO, ‘Dr’ should only be used by qualified medical doctors, who merit the additional respect the title bestows. Not someone with a PhD in Medieval Basket Weaving Techniques or Idolatry in Ancient Egypt.

I don't have a PhD, if I did I'd use the title every fucking day. They are an achievement!
People get to use Lord etc when they didn't "do" anything to deserve that.

I think men are more likely to be effected as you might be able to prove they are medically unable to consumate. I think if someone doesn't want to annual the marriage they would just refuse medical details though.

@Mermaidmusing Well if ignorant people want to falsely assume I am either divorced or a lesbian because I am a Ms then I'm all good with that; happier to be either, or both, of those things that a Mrs anthing! 😀

Firstly PhD doctors were actually the original doctors (hence doctor of philosophy) not bachelors of medicine. Secondly why not give details of academic qualifications rather than marital status?

@walrushurricane I'd like to think I'd know, or at the very least, been made aware, if my husband wasn't physically able to do so before I married him.

@Mermaidmusing Out of interest, what title do you go by and why?

I'm not so sure. There's a lot of performative feminism around today.
Double-barrelling of surnames by way of example.

I know quite a few women who have double-barrelled their surnames who believe a man who puts on some lipstick and announces he's now a woman is now actually a woman.

I, on the other hand, have taken my dh's surname, no problem as being known as Mrs and am very gender critical.

Though no doubt I'd be the one of upholding the patriarchy and being misogynist by them.

Man getting off on wearing dresses and stripping off in front of women in changing rooms oh yeah that's just f*ing fine, though.

Lots of things are an achievement! Why crow about an academic achievement? It’s pure showing-off and NO ONE ELSE CARES. Why not put ‘GCSE’ after your name? Or ‘Grade 3 Piano’?

I have a degree and 2 post-grad qualifications. Never would it cross my mind to add a title or letters to my name, although others in my sector sometimes do.

I also agree with you about honorific titles. If someone with a title actually styled themselves with it, I would equally think it was wanky. Alan Sugar doesn’t call himself ‘Lord’ and many others with honorific titles also have the humility not to do so. If they did, yes, I would judge them negatively.

I think you should go even further. Buy a bit of land, become a Lady and go the tell the dentist that they must address you as such.

@QuintadosMalvados My husband double-barrelled along with me when we married, earns less ph than me, shares all of the house work and child care, cooks the dinner most nights, and his favourite film is "The Sound of Music."
Do you think I should check his wardrobe for dresses?!!! Could he, in fact, be a woman?!!!!

@Mermaidmusing And your title is...?

I did mention it in an earlier response on this thread. I have never married, am a lesbian, am in my 50s and have used ‘Ms’ throughout my adult life. I am a teacher and have worked in many schools where all female teachers are listed as ‘Ms’, unless they specifically request to be ‘Mrs’ or ‘Miss’. Which is absolutely their prerogative. I, however, see no need for pupils to know my marital status.

I do regularly get called ‘Mrs’ on official letters, by car mechanics, hotel receptionists, etc etc. It really doesn’t bother me, as it’s just a common assumption that middle-aged women are more likely married than not. Therefore, it is proffered from a position of respect, and I would never correct anyone doing that, unless I was asked my title.

So okay to "crow" about being married but not okay to "crow" about actual achievements. 😂