To be annoyed at the assumption that I am a Mrs?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

So I completed a update form at the dentist for myself and my daughter; the ones they routinely hand out. It didn't ask for my title, but I ticked the "married" box.
Next thing I know, my name pings up on the screen as Mrs .
Just no!!
At the end of my appointment I went to ask for it to be corrected, but AIBU to be annoyed at the assumption?
A bit like the thread today referring to the new prime minister's wife as Mrs Burnham. She is Ms van Heel.

It's because you're actually sensible.

Unfortunately, there is something about women not using Mrs DHs Surname that inspires otherwise fairly balanced people to lose the run of themselves. No comparison is too silly and no barrel too unscrapeable to be put into the service of someone who's seen their arse over a woman not wanting to be Mrs.

I don't think it is "standard" to use the title mrs nowadays. Many women don't change their surname or title particularly professional women. Dentists themselves use Dr rather than Mrs and given that even more surprising that the receptionist hasn't cottoned on that you can't assume every married person is Mrs.

If they've a reason why they need to know marital status, hopefully they're aware a woman using Mrs isn't necessarily married either.

I don't give a toss why other people get married.

My point is this: why would you opt to be legally shackled to somebody that you seemingly cannot bear to be associated with to the point that the deeply inconsequential and trivial thing that is being called 'Mrs' in a dental surgery deeply offends you?

Unless of course you dislike the person and are only doing it for financial and to climb the social ladder gain.

I accept that's a reason that makes sense.

Or Mrs van Heel.

If someone ticked married (although I think an irrelevant question at the dentist), I would call them Mrs. Mrs=married; Miss=not; Ms=divorced. I actually don't think there should be more than one for adult females.

Very true! I sometimes think maybe all adult women should use Mrs.

Those titles don't apply though. I think if someone hasn't changed their surname on marriage they are not even traditionally Mrs. Anyone can choose any of the titles though.

Omfg!! You're really on one today!

You don't give a toss why other people get married, but you keep asking why they do, and are now sufficiently involved to have constructed a backstory? Riiiiight.

The reason why you'd get married is, and will continue to be, that foregoing one's preferred legal and financial status because some people struggle if you don't want calling Mrs Husbandsame is really stupid. Especially in a society where titles are being used less over time anyway, and when a significant minority of women use a title that doesn't tell you their current marital status (remember to factor in divorced and widowed Mrs users as well as those who never used it in the first place). It would just be a completely batshit thing to prioritise. Only someone who's so daft they think the legal contract of marriage is like calling a child Charles would suggest it. It's like asking why most people have never put a lit firework in their rectum, or thrown a thousand pounds cash away.

Incidentally, are women who use Mrs Husbandsurname only doing it to climb some mystery social ladder, or is that reserved for women you don't approve of? What about men not having a title associating them with marriage, do they all dislike their wives too? This idea is obviously important to you, let's air it.

I disagree. It's pretty standard.
I've no qualms whatsoever about someone using Mrs or not.
I've no real issue with being corrected.

If someone doesn't make a big deal over it says something like, 'Please I prefer to be known as Ms or Miss but I understand why you've put Mrs, after all, it's what most married women are known by so no worries.'
Fine.

But read the OP's opening post. She's clearly offended by it.

It's one thing to correct people, quite another to start a thread about it and give off the vibe that this is something deeply offensive and the rest of society are morons for not getting it right.

For ages my GP had my married surname, but still had me as Miss rather than Mrs.
It aggravated the hell out of until they changed it.....

@walrushurricane Exactly this. My husband and I knew that our marriage could be anulled, by either party, due to non-consummation, and we both supported that.
Nothing patriarchal in the slightest there.

@IonianNerveGrip You are a legend.
@QuintadosMalvados I can assure you that I am not legally "shackled" by marriage. Shackled means "held back from moving." Why on earth would my marriage hold me back from anything? Answer: It wouldn't. And if it did - I'd not accept it!

I am not married, and get Mrs. I suspect it's because of my advanced age (50! 😂) and the belief that I can't possibly be this decrepit and unmarried.
I am, however, officially Dr (PhD, not medic), so I do occasionally get arsey about that, if they insist on not using Ms.

It IS patriarchal.
The whole notion of consummation is for the man's benefit, not the woman's. So that if the woman gets pregnant, he's likely to be the father.

Why the heck does it need to be there in this day and age for heaven's sake.
Haven't you asked yourself that?

Whether you like it or not, marriage is about conferring rights to people who are likely to have children. I said likely, not will. And no I don't want to stop people who won't or can't have children marrying at all, only pointing out that's the only reason to acknowledge it.

Why on earth should society afford these rights otherwise? Who gives a shit about the love lives of two consenting adults?

Yes, yes I know not all couples will have children. So no comebacks on that, please.

I've never known anybody discuss annulment if not consummated either, but there you go.

It's not the fact that you don't wish to be known as 'Mrs' either.
It's what I perceive to be your over the top reaction to it. Why not just politely correct people?
Starting a thread about it, giving off the vibe that it is truly awful and everybody who assumes you're 'Mrs' is an idiot.

When in fact it's a reasonable assumption to make and easily remedied by using a few words along the lines of,
'I prefer to be known as Ms or Miss, or please.' and not giving it a second thought.

😂

Do some people really get worked up about this so much? I'm married, people can call me what they like, I prefer equality so if someone else expects me to address them with a title, I expect them to address me with a title. I don't care if that's Ms or Mrs.

I actually obeyed, not because I believe women should but because I would never have married an arsehole who ever expected me to or who I believed might ever want me to do something unreasonable.

What do you define as "pretty standard". Regardless even if only 20% are using Ms or Dr or something else as their title (and could well be a higher percentage amoung younger women) that still is enough not to make assumptions surely? I don't get offended but I do think it pretty ignorant just to assume someone's title.

Hmm. Not sure the fact the marriage has been consummated means any children will be the husband's. Who knows if the wife was sleeping with someone else too?

@QuintadosMalvados
Well first of all, we had our daughter before we were married. We definitely were not going to have any after marriage as my husband had been vasectomised by that point.
And you're making it sound like it's a man's desire to want to consummate the marriage but not a woman's? Absolute rubbish!!
Would I have asked for an annulment had my husband been unwilling? Damn straight.

OMG who cares. This is not a real problem.

@TheyGrewUp Did he "obey" too? I would never obey my husband personally.

@InkyWink So why comment if you (wrongly) believe it is of irrelevance?

Well he didn't say it but he does

@TheyGrewUp Did you ever question why it was only you declaring it though?