To be annoyed at the assumption that I am a Mrs?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

So I completed a update form at the dentist for myself and my daughter; the ones they routinely hand out. It didn't ask for my title, but I ticked the "married" box.
Next thing I know, my name pings up on the screen as Mrs .
Just no!!
At the end of my appointment I went to ask for it to be corrected, but AIBU to be annoyed at the assumption?
A bit like the thread today referring to the new prime minister's wife as Mrs Burnham. She is Ms van Heel.

I’m surprised you bothered getting married ffs.

Whether two people have sex should have nothing at all to do with it, though.
That's my point.
I'd thought that was bloody obvious.
It is obviously a hangover from when woman's bodies were now owned by the man they married and to ensure any children were the husband's.

Yet you got married.

It's certainly not a requirement of a civil partnership.

So no it's not as simple as 'next' at all.

@Cheeseandolivesplease

There are countless essays written by feminist scholars as to why marriage is still a patriarchal institution.
Look them up.
Yet you still got married.

I'd have respect for your stance if you were not married. Though I'd suggest politely pointing it out rather than having a hissy fit.

As you are married, though, I have zero respect for your stance, because if you think being called 'Mrs' is the worst thing for women in marriage, then you certainly haven't looked at the institution and its history in depth.
Just 30 years ago a man could legally rape his wife.

On top of that, people are going to on the whole assume you're a 'Mrs' if you're married.

If you didn't like that fact, you shouldn't have married.
The world does not revolve around you.

A woman tells me she's married, I will address her as Mrs. If that point she politely corrects me, I'll call her what she wants.

It's not difficult. You're just making it that way.

Totally agree. I'd have respect for her stance if she were not married!

As you are married, though, I have zero respect for your stance, because if you think being called 'Mrs' is the worst thing for women in marriage, then you certainly haven't looked at the institution and its history in depth.

Where have you got the idea that she thinks it's the worst thing for women in marriage?

As explained above, there are many reasons for getting married, particularly if you have children but a change in name is not one of them. Men get married without changing their title. Are they all hypocrites for getting married too in your opinion or does that only apply to women?

Because of all the things that are wrong with marriage-even today- this is the one that seems to bother her.

The 'today' is new. You're talking about the history.

So, where have you got the impression that she thinks this is the worst thing for women in marriage, ever, as opposed to a thing that currently affects her and some other married women in the minority of cultures who practice these title traditions? Be specific.

People call me Mrs & I’ve been unmarried all of my life (use Miss). I don’t really care but I do correct people.

@Cheeseandolivesplease did you have guests at your wedding?
I hate weddings. The cost, the fuss, all of it.
Sometimes though, for the sake of being cordial and for familial duty and quid pro quo, you have to suck it up and put in an appearance.

If you did, if one guest came up to you and said, 'Congratulations, Mrs Whatever-your-name-is' did you scold them for it?

My point is that by having guests you are making it not just about you and your spouse but other people, too.
Society as a whole if you like, therefore, you shouldn't be surprised that other people call you Mrs as it's standard for them to do so.

Personally, if I'd been a guest at a wedding that I was only there for out of familial duty, and f*ing desperate to leave and the bride (or female participant in the wedding, perhaps the word bride is offensive to you? ) I'd have walked out.
I can't stand weddings as it is let alone being scolded for a reasonable assumption.

I’ve been using Ms. for over forty years from being a teenager, and as a married woman. This is not new!

I get why this irks OP and it feels ridiculous that the majority of married women still not only take their husband’s name, but also use Mrs. So, just from their name, their marital status is there for the world to see, yet their husbands enjoy status ambiguity. Ughh!

Are you aware that a civil partnership wasn’t available for heterosexual couples until 2019?

I didn’t change my name when I got married; never even thought of it. Always seems archaic to me. So I’m Ms W and definitely not Mrs B!

Absolutely this! Using Ms is nothing new, and these days is fast becoming the norm. All female students and alumni on the university database i manage default to Ms, and most are happy to remain Ms unless they want to use Dr, Professor, The honourable, etc. Academic women generally keep their name, since they spent years building their professional reputations. None if this should come as a surprise to anyone, and i certainly haven't ever had to explain it to anyone either.

Why there seem to be so many MNers thinking it's odd or unusual to want to be married and keep your name and title, baffles me.

I am sure people would rather you didn't go to their wedding. Why would they want to spend money on someone who didn't want to be there? None of my friends or family said "congratulations Mrs..." Maybe because people didn't assume i would change my name but also it's a bit cringy to say that.

Angry and patronising, op.
You come across as an unpleasantly intolerant person, and much as you've already taken a sideswipe at similar notions as "unintelligent", it's still really telling about you that you choose to be bothered by people using the "wrong" title about you, but don't give a hoot if people think of you as unpleasant.

Or in other words, you are all hot air about what is correct and what is not correct, but the reality is you have no moral compass in terms of how you treat others.

Yes, I really do get that much from your posts.

Unbelievable the amount of women on here piling on the Op for not using 'Mrs'!

Wonder why it bothers some people so much.

When a person gets married they are going public about the way they wish their relationship to be perceived by the society in which they live.

Therefore they should not be particularly offended if some members of that society use the standard term of address for somebody who is married-in this case 'Mrs' for a married woman.
They may correct them in a polite manner, that is fine.

The hypocrisy lies in the fact that society as a whole is expected to honour all those special privileges that go with marriage and just accept they're a couple but also never put a foot wrong and make any assumptions about what they wish to be addressed as.

If the OP hates being called Mrs so much, it was totally unreasonable to get married in the first place.

She should have just cohabited and then she'd be completely correct to put people in their place and I'd respect that.
I really would. Utterly and totally.

But as we've established, there are big gaps in your understanding of the law around both marriage and civil partnership. It had to be extracted from you that marriage is a unique legal status which cannot be replicated any other way. Originally you were under the impression it was like calling your kid Charles. That was, erm, niche.

With that in mind, any advice you give people about how they ought to conduct their personal affairs needs to be taken with a large pinch of salt.

I don’t understand why so many people are so agitated on this thread. Some women will want to use the title of Mrs and take their husband’s name when they get married. Some will want to keep their own name when they get married, and use the title Ms or Miss. why is the title that any woman chooses to adopt an issue for anyone else? Surely the only issue is that, once you know someone’s preference, it’s rude not to address them by the title they choose?

I took my husband’s surname and became a Mrs when I got married. It never bothered me when my Dad or in laws sent cards addressed to Mrs Husband’s first name/surname - that was how they were taught to address married women when they were in school in the 1920s and 30s. It was my choice to change my name and title, and no-one has the right to question that. Similarly, it is not my place to pass an opinion or judgment on any woman who chooses not to change their name or title. The only issue is that, once someone knows I wish to be referred to as a Mrs, or once I know that a woman wants to be referred to as a Miss or Ms, it’s bloody rude not to use the chosen title or to question it.

If you ticked the married box, why on earth would it be unreasonable to assume you're a Mrs?

Because not every body is Mrs. A significant proportion of people don't change their name nowadays. I can't be bothered to get annoyed with the person but unless someone is very elderly I do think it is a rather ignorant assumption.

You can blather on about the legal rights all day long.

That merely answers the what not the why.

Yes marriage is a legal contract. That's the what part answered.

But why on earth would anybody willingly take part in this contract with somebody that they seemingly cannot bear to be associated with in a very trivial way i. e. being addressed as 'Mrs Smith'?
It's really inconsequential.
It's a dentist ffs.

I mean it seems to make the OP' s skin crawl to be associated with her dh.

Because being called Mrs is not part of the contract! Doh!

I agree, it isn't.
Nevertheless it is standard for society as a whole to address a married woman as 'Mrs'.
It just is.
Or are you going to deny it?

I wonder why women get married to the person they marry if the completely trivial and inconsequential act of somebody addressing them as Mrs in a dental surgery offends them so much.

It's like being associated in the smallest of ways to the man they married is a personal attack.

Because the legal aspects of the contract are the why.

They're important to many, can't be got any other way and are an inherent part of marriage which a married person can't opt out of. None of these things are true of calling yourself Mrs. Which anyone can do whenever they feel like it, married or not, and indeed lots of women do despite having chosen not to be married any more.

That's the reason. You just don't like it.