To be annoyed at the assumption that I am a Mrs?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

So I completed a update form at the dentist for myself and my daughter; the ones they routinely hand out. It didn't ask for my title, but I ticked the "married" box.
Next thing I know, my name pings up on the screen as Mrs .
Just no!!
At the end of my appointment I went to ask for it to be corrected, but AIBU to be annoyed at the assumption?
A bit like the thread today referring to the new prime minister's wife as Mrs Burnham. She is Ms van Heel.

Of course they would assume you are Mrs when you ticked the married box!

As even you admit here yourself, there are provisions of marriage that can't be replicated outside marriage. The 'most' is debatable, but in any case, we all agree that nothing is like being legally married other than being legally married. If you're legally married, these things are an innate part of the institution.If you want the legal status of marriage, there is only one way to get it. This is all factual. I note with interest you're no longer pursuing the CP point either.

Whereas the claim that being called Mrs is part of the social status of marriage isn't. It's just what some people think, and note that using Mrs oneself doesn't mean you share that opinion either. You'll never be able to back that up in a way that anyone correctly telling you that nothing replicates marriage outside marriage can. To that end, the fundamentals of your argument are batshit.

But again, this is why being aware of the law about marriage is so important. This half understanding you appear to have is in some ways the worst of both worlds. It really is vital that women are properly informed.

I hated my original surname too, I still do.

I couldn’t wait to change it to XH’s much nicer one. I’ve been divorced for almost 20 years, and I still go by Mrs XH surname.

I’ll never use my original one again, and I can’t stand Ms.

What's 'batshit' is taking part in an institution - namely marriage-that is still very much a patriarchal institution then complaining about the relatively trivial part of being called 'Mrs'.

(Up until the early 90s there was no such thing as rape in marriage - unless separated.
That's only 30 years ago or so. I'm sure you know this. Others might not.)

Yet being called Mrs is worthy of outrage.

If the OP was unmarried, I'd totally get why she'd object, but in spite of her feminist credentials she still got f*ing married.

If you feel that strongly you will forego any benefits of being married.

It's just hypocrisy.

What we're talking about here is your claim that women shouldn't engage in a legal status that can't be replicated any other way if they don't want to do some optional extra that doesn't even require marriage. Because after all, if you just want to call yourself Mrs Partnersname, any woman can do that immediately, no marriage needed.

The problem with the patriarchal argument is that you also need to address why the other available alternatives are less patriarchal. You'll fail at that, because the legal institution of marriage protects women as a class (exceptions apply) better than what most married women would do if they didn't marry. That is, doing all the same things without those legal protections.

This is, of course, more relevant than what marriage has been in the past. But if you disagree, you'd be a hypocrite for being married even though you don't want your husband to be able to rape you. You clearly are happy to take what you want from the institution, and leave out the parts of it you don't like. The same thing you're contorting yourself to whine at other women about.

As you've grudgingly accepted there is no way to fully replicate marriage other than marriage, what you're actually saying is that women should be worse off (which is what remaining unmarried would be for many) if they don't hold with your unverified belief about title usage. With that in mind, best you don't have anything to say about feminism, because the misogyny is off the charts.

They don't have to
Plenty choose not to

Exactly and I’m one of those people and would dislike it being chosen for me as a default . Why on earth should I be announcing my marriage status in a title when men don’t . It’s nobody’s business except my own . And if people do want to announce they are married in their title that’s up to them but it certainly shouldn’t be the default

Tbf if someone told me they were married i would assume MRS as most people i think would? Im not married but have been with OH for 16years and often get called MRS as people assume we are married, it doesn’t bother me, you have asked for it to be corrected, end of story 🤷🏻‍♀️.

You can't usually use no title though. And as seen here many assume you are divorced if use Ms.

I am never annoyed with individuals for making an assumption as the system isn't their fault. It does annoy me that it still exists in the first place though. We are behind other countries.

Bane of my life. I’m Mrs on my bank account and it can’t be changed without ridiculous amounts of paperwork. I’ve never been a Mrs!

Get a grip. It doesn’t matter.

These days one can't be sure Mrs means currently married rather than divorced either. It's harder to use your name and title to signal something about your marital status than it used to be, even for those who want to!

@QuintadosMalvados Could you explain what you perceive to be the patriarchal elements of modern marriage?

True. The whole title system seems pretty pointless nowadays.

I had this for years with my driving licence! Had Mrs and my birth name. Only managed to get it changed when I moved last year!

I don’t like being called Mrs. I’ve just retained my original name with Miss. sometimes Ms depending on how I feel.

They should ask. Just because you ticked 'married' - you might be a Dr or a Rev or even a Dame or a Lady. This is why most forms have pull down boxes for you to put your status in, they don't just assume Mrs or Miss.

If I'd worked hard for my doctorate or another qualification then damn straight I'd be cross about being assumed to be 'Mrs'. My friend is a Dr and her husband is a Mr, and she often gets mail addressed to 'Dr and Mrs xxxx' so these presumptions are still out there.

Here's one off the top of my head.

If a marriage is NOT consummated (I'm sure that you know what this means, however, others may not) which means the married couple did NOT have sex after the marriage ceremony took place it can be annulled (like the ceremony never took place).

Don't tell me that's not patriarchal!

@QuintadosMalvados It can legally be annulled by either party (through choice) in the case of heterosexual couples. Next...

Ignorant people don't bother me

Several lesbian couple I know are both styled "Mrs" as they are legally married.

It may be "harrruph - the patriarchy" but what about "haraaumph hetero-nomativy "?

I really don’t get why this is such a big deal. You need to get a grip if this is all you have to worry about. What is so wrong with being a Mrs?

They're not psychic! Why are you taking it so personally? How would they know unless you told them? However, when I worked in an office, I did use Ms for all women.

Why is it patriachal? Women can annul it for that reason too.