To be annoyed at the assumption that I am a Mrs?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

So I completed a update form at the dentist for myself and my daughter; the ones they routinely hand out. It didn't ask for my title, but I ticked the "married" box.
Next thing I know, my name pings up on the screen as Mrs .
Just no!!
At the end of my appointment I went to ask for it to be corrected, but AIBU to be annoyed at the assumption?
A bit like the thread today referring to the new prime minister's wife as Mrs Burnham. She is Ms van Heel.

It's true, civil partnership is a bit of a "making-do" situation, but at least it protects my family. I just can't accept some of the legal parts of marriage like vows and divorce, and all of the expectations and out-dated clap trap that goes with it.

Totally get that. If it's the best option for you, great!

Agreed. I hate Miss and Mrs, would much prefer we all just use Ms (like men only use Mr)

Well they know you personally and your preferences after all these yrs. I'm not sure what the big deal is.

I use Mrs or Ms and some people call me Miss. I'm sometimes called by my husbands last name and he is sometimes called by mine. It isn't a big deal to me and it certainly isn't a big deal to anyone else.

I was Ms before I married and I still am. I couldn't get too bothered by this if its just occasional. You can always say "Actually I use Ms. Thanks". 🌷

@Muffsies I do get what you mean about the vows. We literally just kept the legally contracting sentences (there's three options in total I think) and then just came up with our own written to each other. Tbf he still does bring me a coffee in bed every morning before work so he's keeping true to his word 😀

I have been a Mrs, currently a Ms, if someone gets it wrong I’ll correct them, not take it personally.

Whoever entered your name into the system is going through their day, doing their job, making an assumption based on the usual societal norms in the absence of having more information and moving on to the next customer. I imagine they were happy to update it when you asked them to.

I am interested to know why anyone would feel the need to be referred to a title related to their occupation /profession outside of their workplace.

I can’t think of any organisation which needs your marital status on a form? It’s not needed - forename and surname is sufficient.

The first paragraph of above post describes this motivation in terms that are pretty much as clear as it's possible to be.

Often because they would rather give that than their marital status. Why not?

I know full well that marriage is a legal contract, I had a no frills wedding, but there's not much that can't be replicated by the drawing up of other contracts.

I maintain that if somebody is that uptight about being called 'Mrs' - and that is their right - why the heck get married in the first place.

Fair enough if you've never been married. Yes take offence at being called 'Mrs'. At least it's consistent.

Or just have a civil partnership.

This thread - not the OP personally-is probably one of the most ridiculous threads I've ever read to be frank.

I don't want anybody ever to refer to me as 'Mrs', and get annoyed when they do, but I still got married.

You couldn't make it up.

So despite knowing that marriage is a legal contract and that's an inherent part of it, you apparently think there's no point getting married if you don't want to do an entirely optional name and title change, despite the fact that you could have the name and title change without being married anyway but can't get the legalities without marriage? Absolutely batshit.

Your legal knowledge also needs work. Because not only are straight civil partnerships recent enough to predate many of our marriages, but they also aren't globally recognised, which makes them unsuitable for many.

And even for married people who might want it, there isn't a process for most people in the UK to convert a straight marriage to a CP either. So even people who weren't concerned by the international recognition would have to go through all the rigmarole of a divorce then leave themselves unprotected in the interim.

It's an argument you can only make if you don't adequately understand either the law or practicalities. Fulsomely idiotic.

Well the title relates to my educational achievement, which is mine for life irrespective of my profession/occupation. Other people on this thread have said they are proud to be married, or proud to be a Mrs. I don't see why people can't similarly be proud to have achieved a qualification.

(In my case it's not anything to do with pride - I just prefer it to Ms, and have no plans to ever be a Mrs! I do sometimes use Ms though, it's sometimes easier).

The idea that we shouldn't use titles outside of the context they relate to has some merit as a standalone. But we'd be grafting it onto a society where many women already use titles related to their marital status in situations that have nothing to do with it. The principle is already established, hence the dentist calling OP Mrs.

On occasions where you've got to use a title, usually one relating to your work won't be any less irrelevant than one relating to your current or former marital status

But I think again this all goes to titles being less used as time goes on. They're mostly used outside of the context where the information may actually matter.

You’re getting upset about nothing, it really isn’t a big deal. People make assumptions about all kinds of things based on what is most probable. If you really care about how your name appears on the receptionist’s computer screen, then ask them to change it. No need to get upset. Honestly I wonder how some people make it through the day without exploding from stress, they seem to be constantly raging at the world.

Good point, I hadn't thought of it from that angle.

You are totally over reacting, probably the sort that's perpetually offended or angry at something, at anything. Just chill out and correct them if it's that important to you. No different to someone mis spelling or mispronouncing a name. Seriously, life is too short to get your knickers in a twist about something this trivial.

Surely, surely, people don't honestly believe if you don't want to be a Mrs Hisname then don't get married?
It's not the default!!

Spot on.

I only got married for legal protections, and yes there are some things that can't be replicated by other legal contracts but most, can be.

So no not 'fulsomely idiotic' at all.

I'm not stupid enough to believe that I exist in a bubble isolated from the rest of society, though, I do appreciate that while marriage is indeed a legal contract firstly and foremostly there is a social side to it-one of which being called' Mrs` and that it is fucking ridiculous to have a hissy fit if somebody refers to you as 'Mrs'.

Surely surely they do!

Another thing:*when you got married, which I'm really, really surprised you did with its ongoing association with the patriarchy, did you do the now almost clichéd: 'go down the registrar office in your jeans and a couple of witnesses' ?
I did. Well I treated myself to a new dress.

Or did you make a thing of it? Invite other people that you did not have to (namely two witnesses) to be there on the day?

Because if you did, then you explicitly made it into a social occasion ergo you should calm down if others call you 'Mrs' in society.

By the way, two of my female relatives are Oxbridge-educated high fliers, married, they are also feminists.
I've addressed them as Mrs on things like Christmas cards and so on (my writing is neater than my dh's) not once have they called me up in a strop over it.
Not once.

You're just looking for an argument Mrs.