To be annoyed at the assumption that I am a Mrs?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

So I completed a update form at the dentist for myself and my daughter; the ones they routinely hand out. It didn't ask for my title, but I ticked the "married" box.
Next thing I know, my name pings up on the screen as Mrs .
Just no!!
At the end of my appointment I went to ask for it to be corrected, but AIBU to be annoyed at the assumption?
A bit like the thread today referring to the new prime minister's wife as Mrs Burnham. She is Ms van Heel.

The gaping difference between those two examples is that marriage is a legal contract whose provisions can't be fully replicated in any other way. Whereas that's not true of calling your child Charles.

It's worrying how many people don't appear to understand the legal aspects of marriage.

I'm married but I'm Dr and didn't change my name, so we're Dr HisName and Dr MyName. Many years ago, also at the dentist, DH had made us both an appointment and despite giving my actual name, they still booked my appointment under Mrs HisName. I almost missed the appointment as I obviously didn't respond when they called Mrs HisName rather than Dr MyName. They were then quite rude when I asked them to change it. I found it very weird that they had any opinion whatsoever on my name.

Anyway, you're not wrong OP but a lot of people have odd views on this. It was surprising how many people had very strong opinions when finding out that I didn't plan to change my name upon marriage (nevermind not use Mrs!). I don't have any views on their name or title choices and could never understand why they cared so much about something that didn't affect them.

Feminism is about equality. Choosing to do something that goes against equality certainly doesn't make you a feminist

We get it the other way. Patients show is their marriage certificate to change their name them complain they are down as Ms.

damned if you do and damned if you don’t

I'm financially independent. Being married was never a particular priority in my life at a younger age. I was busy building a career, taking care of other matters, and it wasn't a thing on my 'must do urgently' list. We had been together a decade before we married.

What happened in the interim was the early death of my mother. She was estranged from my father at the time, but still legally married. I received something of an insight then into what could happen if we were legally prevented from ordering our affairs the way we saw fit. Were I to become incapacitated for whatever reason, I do not want anyone making decisions on my behalf other than my husband.

DH also happens to be a family lawyer. We were both very well aware of the difference in rights this confers, even when finance isn't a priority.

The assumption that it's just a piece of paper is entirely wrong. Aside from this, DH was the one who most wanted to get married. If it mattered to him but less so to me, why would I not offer him this commitment when I love him? Civil partnerships were not an option for heterosexual couples when we married in 2008.

There seems to be a great deal of oversimplification on this thread of what can amount to complex issues.

As I've said many times, I don't particularly care despite my preference being Mrs. I do, however, like to be afforded the courtesy of a title when others exoect me to address them with the courtesy of a title.

The biggest issue lies when I deal with the NHS. The NHS seems unable often to afford women with the courtesy of any title at all, despite a section of its employees exoecting to be addressed with their title.

I wonder if the NHS mixes up whether a doctor should be called Dr, Mr or Miss/Ms/Mrs in the same way it does for patients? Happy for the doctor to use my first name, providing they invite me to use theirs.

One reason why I think the move towards title free is so attractive to organisations. It saves using any resources to find out whether a woman objects to being called Ms or not.

I'm sorry to burst this bubble but if you ask our friend AI if women who use the title MS are generally more educated the resounding answer is no. It provides reasons for MRS being just as popular if not more so amongst professional women. I tried to share it but my phone froze.

@Sunseaandtea You don't suppose many highly educated women go by Dr or Professor?

I assume you yourself are a more educated women, which makes me wonder why you felt the need to resort to AI, which obviously isn’t know for being a reliable source.

Lol. Obviously AI is never wrong 😂

I’ve always thought women should have just one title, Miss, in the same way that men are only ever Mr.

i use Ms but I don’t like it. Old film stars were always Miss - as in Miss Elizabeth Taylor, however many times she was married.

Miss would have stopped all the moaning about how to pronounce Ms etc. I agree a woman’s marital status is non-one else’s business.

I’m a Mrs. Sometimes I get called Ms. It’s really not worth getting annoyed over a letter. Nobody cares what your title is.

I agree I hate Mrs. as well. Women shouldn’t have to have their marital status in their title. It’s annoying.

So why do we have titles?

Men are master when they are children but are mr as soon as they are adults. Miss is equivalent to master except women continued to be miss unless they got married.

I am married and prefer to go by Miss Maiden Name, which can cause confusion. My husband and I have been together 30 years and married 10. My maiden name is unusual and so I prefer to be known by it. I get called Mrs Maiden Name and my husband has also been referred to as Mr My Maiden Name which I find amusing as he thinks it is out of order to assume that is his name, but fine for assumptions to me made about me 😂

If asked my title, I use ‘Ms’ as I have never been married, and think ‘Miss’ sounds ridiculous for a middle-aged woman. I also teach in a school where all female teachers are listed as ‘Ms’ unless they specify otherwise. However, I continually get addressed as ‘Mrs’ when contacting workmen, booking hotels, etc. There’s just an assumption that you’re a Mrs if you’re a woman aged 35+. There are many sexist things that irritate me in life but this is not one of them. It’s so minor, I really couldn’t care less.

Because civil partnerships for man/woman are a relatively recent thing. Most feminists (like myself) are in civil partnerships, but some didn't have that choice. It's sensible to want legal protection for yourself, your partner and your kids, but you don't have to agree and submit to out-dated sexist stereotypes.

@Muffsies Agreed. With the possibility of emigrating (mostly tied up with my career), a civil partnership was not an option as unfortunately they are not universally recognised.

I dislike it too, OP.

Civil partnership isn't recognised everywhere either. I'm happy for those who use it to best protect their rights in their circumstances, but there isn't anything like marriage apart from marriage.

It really is minor, people are dying whilst you are freaking out over a title. 99% of married ladies are known as Mrs, it really isn’t a big issue, you should take the initiative if it really bothers you and make sure people know. Even write it next to the married box “married (Ms, not Mrs).” Jeez. Some people.

People are dying while you're pulling 99% claims out of your arse too, if that's the metric.

Tbf you could say similar about most of the posts on here.

It's ok to be annoyed at being addressed incorrectly.