To be annoyed at the assumption that I am a Mrs?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

So I completed a update form at the dentist for myself and my daughter; the ones they routinely hand out. It didn't ask for my title, but I ticked the "married" box.
Next thing I know, my name pings up on the screen as Mrs .
Just no!!
At the end of my appointment I went to ask for it to be corrected, but AIBU to be annoyed at the assumption?
A bit like the thread today referring to the new prime minister's wife as Mrs Burnham. She is Ms van Heel.

Funnily enough I am at the dentist now. Wondering whether I am about to experience micro trauma or not. 😂

I didn't say anyone was poorly educated. I do think it matters that women are treated differently to men with regard to titles though.

They give anaesthetic, you'll fine!

If that is literally the only woman’s issue you worry about, you are very, very blinkered?

is there anything worse than being called Mrs? I would be a bit embarrassed if I was you, calling yourself somebody who fights for women’s rights and makes a quote like that. You clearly haven’t seen much. People like you infuriate me.

And before you ask, during my time in women’s health I’ve looked after females as young as eight who’ve been sexually assaulted, and I am a Mrs.

Women around the world are abused suppressed oppressed frequently and daily. Why don’t you actually do something and protest about that? Your energy would be far better use that way, rather than starting arguments on threads on the Internet. Why don’t you start an awareness campaign for the abused/trauma women around the world?

But Ms is the default for women, as Mr is the default for men. Neither denote marital status.

If anybody wanted a different title, they would ask and it would be changed.

Every part of the patriarchy needs dismantling so pick the battles you can, and keep chipping away, however best you choose. Just keep going.

You are not mocked because you do or don't do something, that's the point.

You are mocked if you have an arrogant and superior attitude looking down at others who do not agree with you.

It's the same with "feminists". Someone who truly care about feminism and respect all choices is an inspiration. Those whose state that there is only one way to be a woman, and it's there way, or you are a victim/ handmaiden or whatever the fashionable term of the day.. they're ridiculous.

Exactly, this hill is one of many. It is by no means one of the worst ones, but it can fuck off and collapse already. I'm fed up of societal expectations, historical conventions, and sexist assumptions, i'm not playing this game anymore. If anyone attempts to call me Mrs Husband i'm getting my figurative pickaxe out.

If you put married it will be assumed you are a Mrs as most are, don't see what's wrong with that really

Sure, I'm talking about some of the posters on this thread.

You find it traumatic and offensive, I don't.

Conjures up images of tan tights wrinkling around your ankles
that IS just you 😂

So it's simple.. ask to be called Ms if it wasn't done automatically or you could't tick the form? You just look foolish if you need to start a rant or lecture about it, no one really cares.

I’d much rather a Mrs than a Ms. Conjures up images I’d rather not be associated with

Interestingly, a poster a couple of pages back was very clear that simply the action of using Ms would result in mockery. She wrote this:

You can easily spot people’s reactions. The smirks, the subtle eye rolls, the comments.

It might be best to listen to the women who experience and who admit they perpetrate mockery.

And what would that be exactly? Care to share your mysogyny with the rest of the class?

It’s still a lot of fuss about a dental appointment

As a child, a relative of mine wasn't allowed to play out with a little girl down the road because the girls parents were divorced. It was actually forbidden for my relative to associate with this girl and very much frowned upon that the mother was a divorcee.

This would've been 1960s.

Thankfully times are changing, but if a generation of children grown up with those horrific prejudices instilled in them.. that's hard to unlearn!

where do you think the reaction come from?
People don't notice, or really don't care.

Might it have to do with the attitude that goes with the request possibly?

Someone who can't help coming up with "MISOGYNY" in reaction to someone having a different preference for a start.

It cannot be a positive.

She wrote: "I’d much rather a Mrs than a Ms. Conjures up images I’d rather not be associated with"

I asked her what unfavourable/distasteful images having the title Ms conjures up. Since Ms is a title only a woman can have, she was clearly making a sexist comment against another group of women. An attitude that exhibits prejudice or stereotyping against a group of women based upon something as arbitary as a title can be described as misogyny.

Looks like you agree that mockery relating to the use of Ms does indeed exist.

In order to avoid any appearance of victim blaming, can you confirm that you're opposed to this? Alternatively, if you do think some women are asking for it, perhaps you could tell us how they might ask to be addressed by the correct title in a suitable manner.

Yabu.
Why get married if you're so uptight about being called Mrs?
Did it not occur to you that people would assume that you're a Mrs.
Even if you don't like it, just gently correct them.
No need for fuss.

Reminds me of an acquaintance of mine named Charles, his mother couldn't stand the name Charlie.
Get really pissed off about him being called it.
So why did you call him Charles? I'd silently think. 😁

It's not about a dental appt, it's about them assuming her title.

I really, absolutely do not care what other women choose to call themselves. I had no reason not to assume that the same indifference wouldn't apply to me in reverse. It doesn't affect anyone else's life one iota what family name I use, or which title I assume. Because those things don't matter, right?

Wrong. My own experience is well-evidenced upthread by the self-confessed mockery of those correcting their titles to Ms, the sneering about divorce (as if it's somehow a disgrace and a source of failure on their part), the deliberate refusal to honour their own preferences of identity, the faux naivete in relation to people's testimonials about variations on these themes they've encountered in the wild, show exactly who is experiencing the pushback. And for what? Retaining our own, individual identities after marriage is hardly radical. It's a very basic right.

The 'feminism = choice' argument is also mildly amusing. That's a snippet from the namby pamby third wave, which liked to minimise the grave reality of the fight, sometimes to the death, for equality undertaken by earlier feminists. These are the women who came along in the wake of the first and second waves and accused those earlier women of 'gatekeeping' feminism. Those earlier women without whom there wouldn't be a choice to split hairs about in the first place. Women wouldn't even be allowed the autonomy of our own democratic voice.

A choice is not a 'feminist' choice because a woman happened to make it.

Spare a thought for those of us who are not even married but still have to endure "Mrs Partner's surname".

Some would- reasonably I think - that marriage itself is patriarchal yet you've got married. 😕

Surely that's bigger than a title?

I'd understand it if you were not married and got called Mrs. Fair enough.