To be annoyed at the assumption that I am a Mrs?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

So I completed a update form at the dentist for myself and my daughter; the ones they routinely hand out. It didn't ask for my title, but I ticked the "married" box.
Next thing I know, my name pings up on the screen as Mrs .
Just no!!
At the end of my appointment I went to ask for it to be corrected, but AIBU to be annoyed at the assumption?
A bit like the thread today referring to the new prime minister's wife as Mrs Burnham. She is Ms van Heel.

Why do you think that women who use dr or ms are perpetually outraged.😂

I dont! 🤣
That is the whole point!

As for not being victims... women's worth was (is) linked to the men around her. She went from being owned by her father to being owned by her husband. In the past "Mrs" gave some women the right to vote and own property etc. So yeah, it is still being subject to the patriarchy being expected to announce if you have a man.

I care not one jot if you wear a ring, change your name, call yourself Mrs.

I do care if you dont understand why chosing not do some/all of those things makes you something to be mocked

I do associate it with being educated tbh.

She is! The goady thread judging women who choose more “traditional” engagement rings, hospital births and their husbands’ names didn’t really take off. Conveniently a mere two days later she went to the dentist and was addressed by the wrong title and surname so at least this one has taken off and got everybody fighting amongst themselves :)

It’s absolutely pathetic, isn’t it, all the ascribing of faux outrage to other women? Can’t be real. Total mulch-headedness or deliberate fuckery? This place does attract some absolute crackers

No. Just old enough to have more serious concerns in life

This - with bells on.

Tbf if Id worked hard enough to be a dr, you better believe I'd have people use it! 🤣🤣🤣

Gosh - how exhausting it must be to be so cross with everyone and everything.

Again, OP, I’m double barrelled and but I do go by Mrs which I know you won’t approve of. I don’t have a solitaire though so you can’t be too disapproving of me!

The idea of the 'perpetually outraged' is general MN hyperbole. No one's head is exploding. They are merely pointing out inconsistencies of experience and why men's identities are not the only ones that matter. My own experience is more akin with weariness: AKA 'not this tiresome chestnut again'. It does get tedious to be expected to explain yourself year after year, for such normal transactional situations as taking out insurance or making a major purchase.

I married in 2008: a long time ago. At that point I was of the mindset that nobody would give a cuss in this day and age what women call themselves. (Cf. 'I couldn't get worked up about that'; that gloriously dismissive phrase intended to show women how little their identity preferences matter in the scheme of things). I have been entirely wrong. And I've received more pushback as time went by rather than less, which would have surprised the Previous Me of 2008 no end. If you'd told me that by 2026 the mere temerity of a woman retaining her own name would cause this amount of consernation, I'd have been genuinely surprised.

I now use the 'Dr' title as default, because I'm tired of the perpetual question: 'is that Miss or Mrs?' (They usually exclude the 'Ms' completely). It saves repetition and precious time out of my day, because I CBA with the casual assumptions or, on occasion, even disappropbation. I've been mildly surprised that anyone is remotely bothered. But I can assure you that they are: not on a daily, monthly or sometimes even yearly basis, but nonetheless I've faced open rudeness more than once over the years on this account.

And the ones doing the pushback, IME at least, have almost exclusively been women.

You'd think people who tell us they have more serious concerns than title usage would be prevented by those serious concerns from bullshitting about other women's responses, wouldn't you? But evidently not.

Some people used to think women who chose double barrelled names were pretentious. Obviously they aren't but do find you still get that attitude sometimes? Or is it thankfully no longer sneered at?

The only women I know who double barrelled when they got married did so because because had a professional reputation with their maiden name and didn't want to lose that but still wanted the tradition of taking their husbands name.

This happens even if you are not married- i am not married have lived with my partner 40+ years and have been referred to as Mrs for many of them.

I think the fashion these days for those who feel compelled to have an opinion is to call them chavvy instead?

Well. Who'da thunk it: that 'Mrs' would end up being de classé?

It's silly, of course. But no sillier than the assumption of eyerolling, automatic assumption of divorced status and general public censure of any woman daring to claim a 'Ms' title.

This thread is the gift that keeps on giving.

Something that's forgotten nowadays is the awkwardness years ago of having divorced parents and having a different name to your mother. My parents divorced when I was 12. My mother adopted her new husband's name. I was the only girl in my class with divorced parents.

There was judgement, usually unspoken but the raised eyebrows at school, at the doctors, at hospital appointments, etc, has never left me. It's a judgement that stays with you and informed why I wanted the same name as DH and for my DC to have it to and for there never to be any question that their home was stable. It was an awful feeling and defies reason.

@WillTheRealDeanGaffneyPleaseStandUp (amazing username!) I’m sure some people do think I’m snobby/pretentious, some might think I’m “chavvy” per a PP. I don’t care either way.

I chose to double barrel because I wanted to keep a link to my birth family (my maiden name is unusual, and I like being connected to my family members and my father’s place of origin) but also wanted to acknowledge the person I’d chosen as my life partner. DBing achieved both.

You are right to be annoyed and I cannot understand the responses on this thread. Women do not necessarily take their husband’s surname and/or use a Mrs title. The work system I use records Mr or Ms, unless someone requests a different title - and then it would be amended

But why assume?

No doubt all the people lining up to tell OP she's BU because it doesn't matter would all be 100% chill with being addressed as Ms even if they don't use it.

I am outspoken, stand firm in my beliefs, and calling me a "difficult woman" is one of the most wonderful compliments you could give me.
Well behaved women seldom make history" - never truer a word spoken. Look at all of the trailblazers before us - they were very much disliked by many. Women who didn't just accept the world as it was and put their heads above the parapet.
It is never "just" a title.

👏👏👏

I know.😂

I have a wedding ring but never wore it, it was my grandmother's ring so I used it for sentimental reasons. She was married in 1929.
People just assume I am either divorced or unmarried, especially as I don't use his name.
Judging by posts on MN people are very attached to their "engagement" and wedding rings.

They aren't very chill at the suggestion that they are statistically less likely to have a degree.😂

Agreed. I don’t like it either.