To be annoyed at the assumption that I am a Mrs?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

So I completed a update form at the dentist for myself and my daughter; the ones they routinely hand out. It didn't ask for my title, but I ticked the "married" box.
Next thing I know, my name pings up on the screen as Mrs .
Just no!!
At the end of my appointment I went to ask for it to be corrected, but AIBU to be annoyed at the assumption?
A bit like the thread today referring to the new prime minister's wife as Mrs Burnham. She is Ms van Heel.

That's lovely, but I think you might have replied to the wrong poster.

Wrong. You're a Mrs if you choose to be, not by default.

I disagree. If you’re married you’re Mrs. You can call yourself what you want, but can’t expect everyone else to pander to it.

‘ignorant’’ people required to enter into guessing games with your self described title -

did you mean to be so rude

Oh please. Get off your high horse.
Naive indeed.

I actually can’t believe some of the responses on this thread.
i feel like ive stepped through a portal into the 1950s
i really hope not as they didn’t have oat milk.
the faux naivety and possible genuine ignorance is really shocking.
if you are married, want to change your name, want to change your title, then you do you.
but to assume that to do otherwise is therefore missing the point of marriage, or being a bit silly, or annoying or whatever, is patronising and offensive.
this is what internalised patriarchy looks like.

They can win by adding a box for title. (Although I do remember someone on an internet forum before objecting to ANY title).

OP, are you always this angry?

"I disagree. If you’re married you’re Mrs."

Well, that's just not true.

FFS my MIL only writes to me on my birthday and at christmas. The cheque is payable into my account regardless of the title she puts on it. .

I had to take one home to mother last year because in the early stages of dementia she wrote it in my original name and I haven't had a bank account in that name for 35 years.

Are you always this passive aggressive?

That poster is obviously trying to yank people's strings for the fun of watching them dance.

This is tantamount to: 'But your husband's name is your LEGAL name!' And coming from a woman who is married and will have had to organise paperwork, proof of ID etc to name-change, it's so obviously disingenuous. They know perfectly well the default position: your name is your name unless you actively change it.

Why do people need to ‘guess’ at ones marital status? Why does it matter?

I disagree. If you're a woman you're Ms. You can call yourself whatever you want, but can't expect everyone else to pander to it.

(This is no less accurate than what you just wrote).

I'm a Ms, kept my original surname, and I'm married. Someone getting my title wrong doesn't bother me, I just say "I'm Ms by the way" and they correct it. It happens rarely and it's just a small error of 1 letter easily changed.

That isn’t a random slip of the tongue or habit of one person. It was something that was decided and coded. It was signed off on, probably by multiple people.

It is offensive and needs to be addressed.

Because you have already told them.

Its not difficult to not be offended. All you need to do is say "I'm whatever title I want to be"

I do think it's actually moving that way. Anecdotally, I notice much less title usage even over the last couple of decades. Which makes sense tbh. Things are getting both more informal and less stratified. Having to check whether a woman objects to being called Ms or not uses resources.

The only reaction you get to “ms” is a massive eye roll (and rightly so). You just look a bit daft.

It's faux naivete. This thread is saturated in it, and it's making for rather entertaining reading.

I don't give a monkey's what other women call themselves. But when it comes to expecting the same courtesy in return, it tends to be we non-name-changers who receive the strongest pushback. I've constantly been addressed by an incorrect name, or been dismissed as though I'm demanding something wholly unreasonable. Our own names and titles (given people insist on these) are all we're asking and this is not in any way presumptuous.

The worst culprit is my car dealership. (I've asked on three occasions for my title to be changed to the correct one. Next time I'll demand Dr instead of Ms. The receptionist on one occasion took gratuitous offence and was openly rude). Insurance always demands a marital status too. On on occasion it was assumed DH is the one with the 'Dr' title (he's not, I am).

My favourite anecdote in this respect is one I've posted here before. The culprit: United Airlines. I booked a flight under Dr MyName (PX1 as booker, my name on the credit card), Mr Hisname as PX2 and DC as PX3). When I returned to the site to check the booking it had defaulted DH to PX1 (Mr, you see!)

DH, may the gods rot him, laughed like a drain, as did I because you just can't not! The casual daily sexism is real, however.

They can object. They can tick whatever box they want or no box. It’s like a protest but there’s already a choice and we want to remove that choice by having the government enforce what? Which title? No title? One title?

The government won’t step in on this one because it’s so divided. This thread alone shows you that.

I regret to inform you that making factually incorrect statements about being married meaning you're a particular title is a lot daft.

No it literally isn’t

How do you know that their daughters are all using Mrs?

One thing that's clear is it's not particularly wise for a business to engage in these practices. Title usage is no longer stratified enough to be able to assume, and some people will find it to be rude. No doubt if OPs dentist defaulted to calling all adult women Ms, some posters would dislike that including some who are busily telling us it doesn't matter.

It's not possible to please everyone, and so default title systems are best avoided.