To be annoyed at the assumption that I am a Mrs?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

So I completed a update form at the dentist for myself and my daughter; the ones they routinely hand out. It didn't ask for my title, but I ticked the "married" box.
Next thing I know, my name pings up on the screen as Mrs .
Just no!!
At the end of my appointment I went to ask for it to be corrected, but AIBU to be annoyed at the assumption?
A bit like the thread today referring to the new prime minister's wife as Mrs Burnham. She is Ms van Heel.

I hate being called Mrs. However in Germany, France and some other countries you get called Mrs because it is a direct translation and they only have one title for adult women. I think France fairly recent had legislation to call all adult women “Madame” iirc. So that seems less bad.

As in, I’ll get an email from a German organisation addressed to Mrs Crocodile, but I know that’s because in Germany I’d be Frau Crocodile, whether married or not.

I'm married - never changed my name. I think titles are outmoded and daft. I just put myself down as Miss x because the whole thing is ridiculous. If the option is there I might choose Ms X. My mum used to get really annoyed if people didn't call her Mrs X her married name. I remember my mother getting post in which she was called Mrs Peter X - my dad's name! I am so tempted to borrow a title when you get those pull down menus with Lord, Dr, Reverend though.

@dcthatsme that's correct, for your mum to be called Mrs Peter X, if your Dad is still alive.
I can't do that now as I'm widowed, so am just Mrs myname cornflakecrunchie.

I am Ms MyName but also know that the majority of women who are married use Mrs. So this is reasonable assumption and wouldn't annoy me. Just politely correct and let it go

I prefer to be Miss. It was one of my friends who help lead the charge to Ms as she believed no one was entitled to know her marital status.

I don't understand...? If you're married then you are a Mrs...?

What's your situation then?

What is the married box? I have never been asked to tick a marriage box at the dentist or anywhere else. I always fill my name in with ms/miss/Mrs etc though. I call this thread for being something that didn't happen.

@cornflakecrunchie I don't think thqt's correct. Traditionally widows retained their husband's name: Mrs David Jones. My MIL, aged 90, expects to be Mrs David Jones. I wouldn't particularly care whether it were: Mrs John Jones, or Mrs or Ms Jane Jones, with the caveat that it was drilled into me at secretarial college, in 1980, that Mrs Jane Jones denoted a divorced woman.

Generally the only thing that offends me is when another person assumes they may uae my first name but exoects me to use their title. It's 2026.

Just harking back to a couple of earlier points, my dentist and I use first names, as do all their staff. My GP and their staff have assumed to use my first name, whilst expecting me to call the GPs Dr Bloggs. In that scenario, they may call me Mrs Last name, or Ms last name, I don't care which.

Based on experience it’s the assumption most people would make after hearing someone describe themselves as married.

Even most of I know who retained their own surname after marriage still call themselves Mrs.

Being angry at the life experiences of the majority of people seems a bit of a waste of energy

Absolutely baffled as to why someone not acknowledging your status to a man, (by not calling you Mrs), is offensive. In calling you Ms they are making no presumptions of your marital status, it’s a neutral term.

It is your right to choose of course, but it seems very curious to me. You are aware that being married is not superior to being single, divorced or widowed presumably!

You need some real problems in your life to help put this into perspective.

They corrected it to your satisfaction when asked. What more do you want? Compensation?

Yikes if someone calls me Miss/Mrs X/Ms(?) (do people even say it out loud?) I hate it. Makes me feel old. It feels too formal. As someone else said, you can’t be called Mrs X and the other person expect to use their first name or viceversa. It’s a bit of a minefield or maybe a storm in a teacup.

I always thought Ms was for divorced or divorcing/separated women.

If I met a Ms Smith, I was assume she had been through a divorce or separation

This is not so.

Back in the days of classical Hollywood, well-known actresses typically didn’t discard their own names on marriage. They were referred to on reports of Oscar nominations and the like as ‘Miss’.

I am married, used the title of Ms from
about the age of 16, and later Dr.

I am Mrs no one. It doesn’t make me any less married, just inclined to be defined by my own status and not my husband’s. It isn’t an outrageous or unusual request: plenty of women do it. And the courtesy of our own preference of identity really isn’t a great deal to ask.

Haven’t rtwt
but I am amazed if people genuinely believe you are automatically a Mrs if you get married.
its not the law, its not even the ‘norm’ nowadays, if we continued to aside by dated social convention we’d all be at home without jobs or property or votes - some of the arguments in this thread are nonsensical.

one CHOOSES to become a Mrs and to change one’s name.
i looked at the reasons why and didn’t like them, so I didn’t take this choice.
others may like the reasons and therefore take that choice.
but I agree @Cheeseandolivesplease you are not being unreasonable and it’s always worth challenging an outdated vehicle of oppression when we can (be bothered 😂)

That’s interesting. I’ve never thought that as Ms feels like a neutral term to me, chosen by someone who doesn’t want their title to be an indication of their relationship to a man.

In life in general I’ve found Ms tends to be more common amongst women who are educated to degree level and above, work in a senior role and / or don’t wear being married / single/ divorced as a badge of honour.

You’re obviously offended by it but your reaction is a you problem! Just pop along to the dentists and ask them to change it, problem solved! You seem to be expending a lot of energy on something that is easily solved! The dentists are only human and probably very busy humans so it’s an easy mistake to make especially as you ticked the married box!

Another dismissal along the lines that issues exclusively affecting women are insignificant, because they should have bigger things to worry about.

To the OP, her concern isn’t insignificant. What she wants is transparently clear: a situation in which women’s entire identities are not based around our sexual status.
It’s a small ask and a courtesy men have always taken for granted.

How did they get your last name wrong, don’t you have the same last name as your husband?

Call me weird but I don't see the issue with being proud to be a Miss or a Mrs.

If I met someone that said they were married but insisted on being called Miss MaidenName, I would assume they were a bit of a dick..! (Sorry!)

Mrs Maiden or Married Name
Ms Maiden or Married Name

Dr/Lady/Whatever name if necessary.

So are you Ms MaidenName?

No shade, I'm genuinely just curious!

Were Mrs the default title for women, this is the only pretext under which I’d accept it.

France and Germany have called this rightly. The literal translations of Fraulein and Mademoiselle are patronising and inappropriate for adult women.

Miss, Mrs and Ms are all truncations of the same word of Mistress. I don’t understand the need for the pointless demarcations between them in any event, when the meaning is identical.

That said, titles in themselves seem obsolete and unnecessary to me. I’d be quite happy to drop them all.

I'm married and will.never be a Mrs. Haven't changed my surname. Love being a Ms. Hate cards addresses to Mr and Mrs DH. Don't understand why women's marital status needs to be flagged and not mens.