Husband's overtime pay - what's a fair split?

[Debatingthings]

My husband has been working overtime lately. Mostly late evening call outs.

He works 5 days a week and is usually out of the house from 8am-6pm ish. I work 3 days a week and am usually out of the house from 8:30am to 5pm.

I do nursery pick ups and drop offs on those days. I do most of the work getting our toddler ready in the mornings all weekdays. I also look after her on my two days off and do the majority of cleaning, cooking, laundry, food shopping, admin, and DIY in the house. He does garden maintenance.

When he does these call outs, he often misses the bedtime and/or sleeps in late the next day.

I have a professional job but dropped down to 3 days to care for our child, which I love and value, but ultimately have made career and financial sacrifices for this, which he has not had to make.

Our standard take home pay is roughly similar but he does usually bring home some extra money by way of end-of-day overtime each month, so his pay cheque is higher.

These late night call outs are new.

Out money is generally split equally i.e. everything paid into joint account then we have the same amount of personal spends each month.

What is a fair split of this late night call out overtime money? He has suggested 70/30. I don't want to be grabby but I feel he can only earn this extra money because I facilitate it. I sort of feel it should be 50/50, but... AIBU?

YABU = 70/30 or less
YANBU = 50/50

It’s not a chore, it’s “work”. Any task that you can pay someone else to do can be classified as “work”. Cleaning the house, looking after the children, picking kids up from school. It’s all work. Of course it can be enjoyable as well, but it’s nowhere near the same as free time and it should be valued as such.

That’s why I mentioned extenuating circumstances (such as yours).

When you go back full time or four days, will you be bringing home more than him? If he wants to split 30/70 now then you can split 70/30 then. Watch him change his tune.

I believe that if as a couple you make the decision to have children and to be in a long term relationship, that, unless one person is terrible with money, everything should be coming out of one pot. You are a family. You are working too, you are raising your child and tending to her needs, you’re not spending your time with her doing your own thing. If you were working full time and he was doing the childcare, how would you split the money?

Not really sure what's not to understand. They should share money, they are a family unit both contributing to the family. The time at home with children is a gift, they have chosen to have children and the one luckily enough to be at home has time with their children is benefiting.

I dont really get this stance because there's nothing to suggest the family cant afford there bills and she appears to pay half of them. Unless 'roughly the same' is actually 'really quite different'. To me she gave herself this gift by working hard and getting a professional job that paid roughly the same in 3 days as someone else earns in 5 days. It waant bequeathed by her spouse.

He'd like to give himself a gift too which seems fair, but she gave herself gift that benefits the whole family quite a lot. Everyone benefits from the cooking, cleaning and childcare. It feels much more 50/50 to me. Her being off is only really at his expense if he wanted to work less hours and she said no, but the op says he wants to work more, not less.

Women tend to neglect their pensions - you should be paying extra in to your pension if that is at all feasible and it should come from your shared pot. If you were doing less childcare then the cost of childcare would be shared between you and paying someone else's pension contributions. It is not reasonable for your pension to suffer. It is a form of saving and not one you should neglect.

His overtime - his money! It wouldn’t be there if HE didn’t do the overtime!

This is exactly why everything should be in one pot, as they are both doing as they want, no money difficulties, so seems a very strange debate.

And who is caring for HIS child and doing HIS housework? What a shoddy attitude. I assume you have never been a family man/woman.

She’s already getting a fair share. He wouldn’t have the money if HE didn’t do the overtime!

Its certainly work—you know how I know? Because we would have to pay someone else if I did not do it.

You’ve chosen to have children. Take the consequences!

Is having sex with your husband work?

I havent read the full thread but it is better for both of you to have separate accounts that money gets paid into and from there to transfer it to a joint. You're pretty screwed if one of you decides to be nasty. Work out your total.costs and total income and then work out a percentage to pay. If you are doing to the lions share of domestics then add that as a charge to total costs and it will balance out. Always have your own money that your wage goes into.