AIBU to think stepson's holiday questions were tone deaf and unkind?

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Hi all, my husband and I have 2 children, both teenagers, my husband is French and he has 2 sons from his first marriage. His son’s mother is Italian and one of his sons dates someone else who is both French and Italian.
Today his son and gf visited, and they’ve really pissed me off.

We can’t afford to travel right now, we will spend a few weeks in France later in August staying with family but our children have only ever been to France and the UK (where we live).

Step son and his gf on the other hand have obviously been to Italy too, and travelled far and wide. They are just back from a week in Germany, they are going to Florence and Ischia soon and South America in the winter.

Step son asked today where were taking the kids on holiday and when I said well just to see family, he asked if they’d been to Italy I said no they’ve only been to France, he and his girlfriend continued listing countries to which I kept saying no like I said only France but then I’d get WHAT NOT EVEN SPAIN, in a shocked tone.
Our teen overheard this and has since asked why her brother travelled more when he was young than she has.
It has made me feel really crap tbh, AIBU thinking this was unnecessary, tone deaf and a bit cruel?
Should I get DH to say something?

Ignore.

Yeah it was a bit crap, but it’s done now, DH should have said something at the time.

DH was out in the garden so didn’t hear this conversation.

Yeh it’s tactless, is your step son still quite young? Sounds like he needs to grow up a bit. I think next time just tell him to drop it, you don’t need his dad to that. If he’s old enough to travel the globe he’s old enough to be told to button it!

Then you should have said something like “im
not sure what you don’t understand when I say only France”.

You were silly to join in with the game.

I'd have laughed after the first question and said, 'Nope, we haven't been on holiday abroad with them. Our money goes on keeping you, your brother and the younger ones. That's what happens when you've got a family. Make the most of travelling before you settle down to grown up life!'

And then I'd have cheerfully gone off and done something else. I certainly wouldn't let a pair of daft teenagers make me feel shit. They don't have rent and bills to pay, presumably.

I'd be asking DH now why his older Dc have had more opportunities to travel - presumably their mother has taken them away? And if that's the case, that's what you say to your DC.

Tell your teens they can travel as much as they like when they are paying for it. Its so expensive to travel now when youre paying for a family and its easy for his son and gf to travel as they only have themselves to pay for. My kids have had plenty of holidays abroad, its bloody hard work and they dont remember half of it. Now they are teenagers they moan about WiFi and being bored...haha. life isnt all rainbows and roses...when they have kids they'll stop gloating

Step son isn’t a teenager, he’s 29, DH and I have 2 teens who are 13 and 15, but for a few years DH had no contact with his older sons, so they weren’t around when our children were very small.

Nothing to be said. Just answer your teens questions! Two sets of children will have different experiences growing up - you cannot change that. No issue.

Mostly their mother but also different finances now than it was 20 years ago when his older boys were small.

Teenage boy doesn’t realise that not everyone’s lives are the same SHOCKER.

Just ignore and move on.

If your kids are teens they are old enough to be given a truthful answer, whatever that is - presumably there was more money in your husband's first marriage, or travel is more expensive now, or they lived in Europe so it was more accessible. It doesn't need to be a drama, presumably the answer isn't "my dh loves his first children more than you" so just be honest.

but for a few years DH had no contact with his older sons

This seems like it could be a factor in the relationship dynamics?

He is 29, maybe I didn’t word my post well.

29 ain't as mature as it used to be. 🙄

This, surely

If your step son doesnt already know that his half siblings are not well travelled then they cant be that close. Which presumably means he has had the life opportunity of travel but not of being close to his family.

YABU for not being frank and honest and saying that child rearing and child support which I assume DH was paying meant luxuries must wait.
You should also be straight with your own child about money and expectations. If they want travel to feature then conversations about jobs and prospects /working hard at school to make that happen

Why did he have no contact. Maybe things are not as recovered as they seem.

Maybe step son did it on purpose as he is resentful of your husband not seeing them for a few years so is stirring the pot.

DH and his first wife divorced, his wife wanted to move back to Italy with the children, he wanted to move to the uk for a job opportunity, it resulted in big arguments and eventually he agreed just for peace as any court order would have kept them both in France which neither of them wanted.

So he just didn’t see his children. He chose a job opportunity over his kids. The ex sounds as bad. Why didn’t he go and see them?

He stopped seeing his kids to keep the peace?? Fucking hell.

Oh well the dh is shit. He picked a job and peace over his children then had a second family he stuck with.

I wouldn’t put it past the older ones to be deliberately winding you guys up then. Pointing out the few things they did get in comparison to your teens.

Poor form to not even go visit his children. What made you fall in love with a deadbeat?

He'd rather years of not seeing his kids than living in France?

Re your post - I don't think you really need to so anything. The kids have different lifestyles... it doesn't need to be a big deal. Clearly they aren't very close sibling wise if the SS doesn't even know that the teens usually only holiday in France.