AIBU to think stepson's holiday questions were tone deaf and unkind?

[Olink]

Hi all, my husband and I have 2 children, both teenagers, my husband is French and he has 2 sons from his first marriage. His son’s mother is Italian and one of his sons dates someone else who is both French and Italian.
Today his son and gf visited, and they’ve really pissed me off.

We can’t afford to travel right now, we will spend a few weeks in France later in August staying with family but our children have only ever been to France and the UK (where we live).

Step son and his gf on the other hand have obviously been to Italy too, and travelled far and wide. They are just back from a week in Germany, they are going to Florence and Ischia soon and South America in the winter.

Step son asked today where were taking the kids on holiday and when I said well just to see family, he asked if they’d been to Italy I said no they’ve only been to France, he and his girlfriend continued listing countries to which I kept saying no like I said only France but then I’d get WHAT NOT EVEN SPAIN, in a shocked tone.
Our teen overheard this and has since asked why her brother travelled more when he was young than she has.
It has made me feel really crap tbh, AIBU thinking this was unnecessary, tone deaf and a bit cruel?
Should I get DH to say something?

No need to makes tactless moment a thing. Just move on and explain to your DS different families have different finances. He can use it as inspiration to do well and afford lots of travel.

just move in OP. is. it important in anyway. see if you can visit Spain next year. you can get a coach to Barcelona for £20

to be fair I think it’s quite poor your never went to Italy to visit your ss. Maybe that’s what he’s getting at.

just turn it in to an opportunity to get your children exciting about travelling when they are older and learning about places they might like to go to.

Her husband should be ashamed of how he treated his older children.

can anyone have a secure family life with a man capable of cutting his children off? He could do the same to the younger children at any time.

You just need to tell your son it’s because his dad had 4 kids, if he’s a teenager he should understand bigger families generally have proportionally less.

I think you could have said - look we can’t afford to go anywhere else.

I wouldn’t have kept answering, and said apart from France they haven’t been abroad and changed the subject.
Our children haven’t been abroad with us yet, we holiday in the UK as we have dogs, a family business, I hate hot weather and taking them on a plane sounds like a nightmare.
When one of my children have mentioned a friend going on holiday to Spain etc I’ve said when they are older they can go to whichever countries they like, they will have some savings from us that I’ve been putting by since they were born and they can go off travelling if they want to.
I for one will be sitting somewhere scenic like the wilds of Scotland in my retirement camper 😂
I wouldn’t take much notice of it, I certainly wouldn’t mention in order to get your DH to say something, because if it was to wind you up you’re showing that it succeeded.
Plus how close are they actually to you not to know this information already.
Tell your 15 year old he has all the time in the world to travel before settling somewhere, places that really interest him.

How old are they?
tbh I was the same when I was a teen. We went of loads of incredible holidays and I just assumed it was the norm for everyone at that age.

You should be more concerned with the fact that you married a man who abandoned his children.

Ahh the break in the relationship may explain the dig

I'd say it's highly highly unusual for a 20 something to have been to all of those places. You can tell your DC that.

Yes they were tone deaf and crass. Money can't buy you tact and class it seems. Not worth saying anything though. It sounds like you don't see them much.

My teen DC is often saying why can't they go to America / Canada / Australia/ Asia like their peers, it doesn't need to be a step brother issue. I calmly remind them that I didn't leave Europe until I was 20 (off my own back) and I think they'll get more out of it if they go as adults.

Explain to your teen that she has had her dad around for all her life and her brother hasn’t. He has travelled, she hasn’t. Peoples lives are different and comparison is the thief of joy. Which life would she rather have had? One well-travelled with only one parent around? The stepson didn’t say anything out of turn.

SS has travelled all over the world so probably sees those places as "going abroad". Living in Italy and France it is so easy to go to Spain/Germany/Belgium/Switzerland/Austria etc without any sense of it being a huge thing - you just drive over the border, no one checks your passport. I used to live in France. Bruges was a 2-hour drive, Amsterdam 4 hours. Easier than going to many places within the UK.

Your teenage son should be able to understand that his dad's financial and geographical situation is different now