DP sexual punishment or am I boring?

[diabolicalbanana]

Long term DP relationship is good and we’re planning to buy a house together soon. He’s been away dog sitting for the last 2 weeks which has made me feel a bit distant from him and I’m not the best with messaging. But basically he came over yesterday after seeing me on Friday.

I was naked in a towel when he came as I was out the shower and he was on the bed wanting a cuddle which I wasn’t keen for (wanted to get dressed) he playfully pulled me onto him which was fine and we were laughing he was touching me but then my towel was slipping too much and he was getting a good look at my body but I felt self conscious so started to struggle he then grabbed under my legs so I panicked and twisted but the way he held me meant I had to twist so my bottom half went straight to his face!!! You can imagine my panic as was stark naked and I saw him get a good look.

I felt really embarrassed and upset especially because about a week or 2 ago a similar thing happened where I’d been without underwear under my dress (hot day) and all fine playing joking but then he ended up tipping me onto a chair and lifting my legs up so again when I panicked and tried to get free I twisted off the chair and ended up him holding me legs akimbo naked!! I had told
him I’m not ok with this.

so I said to him quite clearly do not do that again if you do then we’re done which I was a bit rash saying but I was upset and felt humiliated to be honest. I said I’m not cuddling you for the rest of the day (half joking but I didn’t want him to touch me) Well he then went into a bit of a strop with me and said I’d annoyed him. We had a nice day but he refused to cuddle or kiss me - he said as punishment for what I’d said, which I did want as I’ve hardly seen him and wanted to feel close.

when he went back to dog sitting he messaged saying how I’d turned him down and lost out today on sex as well. He’s meant to be coming back to mine today and I didn’t want it hanging over us so I said well I can make up for it. He said how? I was busy and don’t like sexting (didn’t have any ideas tbh!) so I tried to be vague sort of we’ll see.

he then said I would have to make up for what I’d done before he would come back! I said I hope you’re not being serious and he said deadly serious! I said well you’re not giving any ideas he then sent me a list of options including a video of how much I love him and saying sorry for being silly, various nudes, a voice note all the reasons I love him or the special option which was a video of me undressing! He said if I did that he’d come and sleep with me and be forgiven.

1. he is well aware ive neves been comfortable sending nudes.
2. I didn’t even want sex at that point.

I said im not comfortable doing that and he said what any of it? He said he just wanted a bit of fun and I said it’s not fun for me being pressured into doing things I don’t want to do. His last message was that he never pressured me.

situation now is neither of us have messaged each other. I’m worried am I boring and have I been unfair? Should I have tried to be a bit fun? But also I feel like the ‘punishment’ was options of further humiliation for me and I would not have enjoyed them I don’t like sending nudes certainly not videos I find it degrading.

There’s not exactly people I can talk to irl about this

I feel like this is possibly not the relationship for you. I’d not bat an eyelid at this and enjoy the playfulness. Maybe you’re a mismatch.

Edit: his subsequent behaviour is however a big red flag

Please don’t send him pictures you never know if you ever break up people change and he may show them. Awful man how’s he’s treated you and you’re not boring.

You’re not boring !!!
he’s a creepy and abusive sexpest.
tell him to fuck off forever
(make sure your house deposit money is in your own bank account before you dump him)

He's a dick and you should dump. But yeah my husband has seen my puss and ahole from all sorts of angles in harsh lighting?! As I have his (not his vulva obviously)? He's seen me give birth and shaved me when pregnant!

If this is real - dump him OP.
On a tangent - I've never once thought "Oh it's a hot day, I won't wear knickers" 🤣

Posts like these are such dismal reads.

OP, you’re better than this. Seriously, read it back to yourself, pretend it was post by someone else - what advice would you give them?

I find it hard to believe men this pathetic actually exist.

You are not the only one who wouldn't be happy with that, I wouldn't either and I have been with my DP for 20 years. You are allowed to have boundaries with your own body, dump this prick.

I wasnt commenting on the issue of consent and have already said that I think the boyfriend’s behaviour was inappropriate. As I said in my first post, I was going off on a tangent, and just find it very bizarre thar a woman would be so unhappy about a boyfriend, who is presumably a fairly long term partner if they are planning on buying a house together, being so embarrassed about him seeing her naked, being close to her vagina, or seeing her withiut makeup.

He did it again when you said not to or you're over , he tested you by doing it again! Creepy rapist fucker!
More red flags than Putin in a red flag factory
Fucking don't go back, he's dumped surely?

I’d have struggled to have been clear about what happened without the detail I gave I’m far from enjoying this i thought I had a future with this person so stop troll hunting as I thought it’s against the rules

He's a cunt, and I bet he wants kinky chokey sex too

GOOD GRIEF, WOMAN!
Why, oh why, are you still with this prince of a man!
Words fail me.
(and that doesn’t happen very often!)

I’ve put on some weight due to stress which has made me a bit self conscious about my body recently he’s seen me naked and without makeup plenty of times

That kind of physical playing is not for me, but I know some couples like it.
I do think you are a bit odd being worried about him seeing you naked though.
You are not on the same page about these things and you both seem a bit childish to be honest.

So you're asking whether anyone else would be upset that their partner ignored their wishes, despite being told previously about how much you hate the exact same physical action, and continued regardless and then demanded nude pix as payment before he'd speak to you again?

Just read that back to yourself OP.

He's a totally abusive neanderthal who couldn't give a flying f**k about your feelings, just as long as his sexual fantasies are catered to immediately.

I wouldn't buy a fucking Wendy House with the prick !

Run a mile OP. You can do better x

Do not buy a house with this sex pest.

How on earth do you end up apologising when someone sexually assaults you? Bin the fucker right now.

Absolutely not and I've said that OP should LTB. Why would you even accuse me of that? You clearly didn't read my posts properly.

I had forgotten about that in the OP.

Please, please don’t do this.

Some PP don't seem to understand that a woman can still be shy about her body or have hang ups despite living and having sex with someone. A lot of women don't give or receive oral sex. There is nothing wrong with that.

The thing that matters is that she set her boundaries and he ignored them. Now she has to perform in some way, in order to win back his approval. This is the thing end of the wedge and if you give in OP, it will only get worse with his power games.

You do need to end this relationship, kick him out or find somewhere else to live, depending on your situation.

Yanbu op. He sounds like he's starting to be abusive. I have no idea why some PPs are getting bogged down with what positions you should and should be comfortable with.

The bottom line is you aren't and he is trampling all over your boundaries and got you second guessing yourself.

Please don't buy a house with this guy. He will never put you first and will just wear you down with his demands which will become increasingly pervy.

He is not a good man and this is not a good relationship.