Questing my marriage over my husband cheating on me at his stag do

[Flossiecrab]

Hi everyone,I’d like to first preface this by saying I am not here to argue or go back and fourth I’m just merely here to rant as I am very confused at the minute, my sister has been very supportive and I’ll work out how to navigate this in due course. I am in absolute shock and just need some perspective, because my head is completely spinning.

DH and I just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. We have been together over 20 years, we met on the first day of university and have pretty much been together ever since. We have 3 wonderful children together (DC2 is 10, DC3 is 8 and DC4 is 5) By all accounts, we have a very happy, solid marriage. I love him dearly, and I have never once doubted his love for me. Until last night.

We were looking through old photo albums and looking at photos on our his old camera from around our wedding time to celebrate the anniversary. A photo came up from his stag do of a woman I didn’t recognise. When I asked who she was, DH completely froze and started acting weird he wasn’t expecting that photo.

After pressing, he admitted that his friends had hired an ‘high end escort’ for the stag do. Apparently, his mates all chipped in around £20k altogether as a "laugh" for him. I pushed further, and he finally confessed that he did sleep with her.

His justification? It was 15 years ago, it was a "one and done" thing, and he claims he doesn't even properly remember it because he was off his face on coke. He says he only knows it happened because his friends told him the next day, and that it "meant absolutely nothing."

I honestly don't even know what I'm feeling right now. I'm numb, confused, and sick to my stomach. On one hand, it was 15 years ago, we have a beautiful life and kids, and he has been a wonderful husband. On the other hand, he cheated on me right before we said our vows, used illegal drugs, and kept this massive secret instead of just telling me back then. He said he wanted to but we were always busy with something or just generally happy and he didn’t want to ruin our moments.

I accidentally posted it on a different thread will try to get that deleted.

Yeah, OP, I'd always be wondering what was going on at other stag dos or trips away with this friend group. They all clearly think this behaviour is acceptable.

I guess having never had 5K to "donate" to a friends' fun time, I don't understand. That's over a months income for many.

I think id go for marriage counselling and see how that pans out.

He said something about eating out and she misunderstood

This is a really shitty situation. But I just want to say that you don't have to decide anything right now. You can take your time and weigh your oprions and next steps.

I dunno, sounds like it is one of those situations where he and his mates are so rich that all problems are solved by money so buying a sex worker is just fun that they've done in all stag dos and they don't think there are any consequences.

A bit like they’ve been boarding pals from 8 yrs old, and then dropping in Radley as the alma mater.

Quite. He could have had Julia Roberts for a small percentage of that.

This is awful, I couldn't come back from this. I would be leaving, your whole marriage is a lie.

20k 😂

That very much sounds like 20K for the whole group. There is no way an escort would be 20K, even for one night (especially not 15 years old!) for one person.

My guess is, they paid for an orgy or a big group sex event and your husband took part.
It would be over for me. I couldn't get past any part of it.

Well, it just illustrates that it’s not just sex workers who can be bought.

There’s a poster upthread indicating she can be bought for the price of a handbag.

All chipping in 20k means that they hired her for the whole weekend and they are all dipping their wick. Every stag do they go on. Not just his.

I got married roughly 15 years ago and the whole wedding for 100 people plus our honeymoon in the Caribbean cost less than £20k! They aren’t paying that for one person to have one go on an escort.

He’s not a wonderful husband. He is a cheat and a liar. He conned you into a marriage. Would you have gone ahead if you had known?

Sounds likd a tall tale to me.

I mean I’m not sure of the price of escorts either but £20k+ ?! Who on earth did he sleep with!

If he was drinking and taking coke it’s very possible he wasn’t even capable. She wouldn’t have said anything. He doesn’t remember.

if he had come to you today and said he got drunk and had a one night stand on Friday night, what do you think your plan would be?

I'm rethinking my career girls, noones paying me 20p for a night atm!

Someone got married recently and they all chipped in 5G if true they're all still on the coke and escorts..it's never gone away and won't be confined to stag do either.

OP's gone quiet...

You have 3 kids but..
(DC2 is 10, DC3 is 8 and DC4 is 5)

I dont understand. Do u have 4?

So why did he go on his stag do two years before your wedding?

And why are your three children listed as DC2, 3 and 4?

No judgement if you’ve used AI to write your post, but a little proofreading goes a long way towards people taking it seriously.

Oh, and your husband is a misogynistic piece of shit, especially given his lack of remorse.

So why did he go on his stag do two years before your wedding?

I was questing that too.

Sorry is that 5k each for an eacort, or 5k for the stag. Even so that is still a shit load of money to be spending on a friend each. Do they work in the City? Your mention of coke and high high spending might suggest so. I would be looking hard at that culture.

Are these Bullingdon Club members?

The husband is DC1