AIBU to refuse my niece joining my son's one-to-one tutor sessions?

[EveryMinuteAndEveryHour]

Since January we have paid for an online A level tutor once a week for an hour for our son.

My niece is doing the same A level and my sister has asked if my niece can sit in on my son’s tutor lessons. I said the tutor is 1:1 so I don’t think that would really be ok with the tutor, thinking that would put her off but it didn’t. She wants my niece to just be in the room listening to get the same lesson as my son gets and thinks this is okay as the tutor wouldn’t know and it wouldn’t change my sons lesson.

I wanted to say no but said I’d ask my son. He has that he doesn’t want her there.

I have told my sister and she is angry. She doesn’t understand why we would say no. She has now offered to pay a small amount towards the tutor each week but it’s not about the money. My son wants the lesson by himself.

My partner thinks my sister is crazy to expect this and the more I think about it so do I. If you have used a tutor, would you actually consider this? My niece is struggling with the subject and my sister says she can’t afford a tutor.

Are we unreasonable to say no?

How much is it for an hour of A Level tutoring on average?

We pay £55 per hour for our daughter. She has 2 sessions per week and our contract is definitely 1:1.

if I was the tutor and found out she was sitting in unannounced I would refuse to do anymore tutorials for you as I would feel I had been deceived.
I agree with this.
It's creepy as well IMO, having someone sit in silently and out of sight.

If your niece wants to get better then she should study, sitting and watching someone else learn isn’t going to do her any good. She needs to do the work herself.

Definitely no 100%. Daughter needs a tutor her parents need to get her one. Crap idea and shit to put u in that situation as well as your son

It's so cheeky to ask.

Really? Why on earth would you pay for a tutor for someone else's kid?

Of course it's crazy to sit and listen to a private tutoring session. Out of interest was your son happy that you shared he was being tutored with the wider family.

This!

Or “what part of 121 don’t you understand?”

I'm a 1:1 tutor. Having another student sit in without my knowledge would be a) A total breach of trust, b) Completely unfair on the 1:1 student and c) A waste of time for the student "secretly" sitting in as sessions are tailored very specifically to the individual.

I am a tutor! I charge £10 extra per hour for a 2:1 session. Maybe she could attend and cover the tutors extra charge if she has one?

And lose the 'sorry'.

Great in principle, but my daughter did this a bit and whilst it helped, she had to give it up because the bits she was struggling with, she was never getting to because she was spending so much time going over stuff she already had in the bag and didn’t need to spend time on.

If my sister had asked me to pay for a tutor for my nephew because she couldn’t afford it, of course I’d do it. Why wouldn’t you help family of you could?

What an absolutely horrible idea for the poor boy.

I mean, I suppose he might be a space alien who'd jump at the chance to do something boring, painful and time consuming and waste hours and hours of his young life not only having to be tutored but having to tutor.

But then again, no.

Pay a small amount? Surely she should be paying half!

Eh? The tutor is for OPs kid. HE is her family and she IS helping the most important family member to her.

Her sister can sort her own child out, not distress her nephew and steal his time and the attention of the tutor who is paid for to benefit HIM by his own mother.

And if her sister can't afford a tutor, tough shit. But OP does not say she can't afford it.

Not that it matters, of course. Her sister is a cheeky cow and can get lost.

£50 per hour A-Level, £30 GCSE ish.

She should be paying the entire bill - for her own tutor who her own daughter sees completely separately from her nephew.

I don't think that would be fair, because she would be diluting his experience, especially if she's weaker in the subject than he is. If she joined, the sister should pay half.

You just need to say a firm NO. The sessions are 1-1 and the tutor will not allow it. End of story.

The girl could sneeze, cough, anything that alerts the tutor to her presence and then you could lose the tutor.

It is sad if they can't afford it , but such is life. I couldn't afford tutors for DD either.

If your son would allow it, and the tutor would do 2 together then your sister should be paying for half.

Are you a soft touch? Someone says they can't afford something and you just believe them?

Sister and niece need to speak to niece's school teacher about how she can improve and then put the work in. Eg. Online stuff or doing old papers. School teachers want young people to do well and usually provide plenty of help to succeed if the dc puts the work in

I agree with this.
If i could afford it, I’d get her a tutor too.
If not, i’d certainly let her sit in the room.

I don’t see why. If her child is A level age (and presuming there aren’t younger children at home). My child is a teenager and when I want/need more money for stuff like this/big holidays I work overtime and do extra jobs outside my 9-5.