Clique school mums

[ernie23]

what is a cliquey mum group?
how would you describe them ? Do you believe that term , have you ever been involved ?

This is no hate, just genuinely what to know what people think of that term or their experiences on why would you call them like that .

Ones whom seem to have a pregnancy pact between them, kid you not the same group of mums have all gotten pregnant at the same time twice when their kids go to the same school. They all stand outside the gates chatting huddled together for at least a hour after their kids in school and a hour after collection. Weird.

A mumsnet urban myth as far as I’m concerned.

14 years down for 2 children covering 5 schools and not one hint of a clique.

Friendship groups? Sure

What differentiates a clique from a group of friends/friendly acquaintances? I don’t think I know any of the former but plenty of the latter.

Not at all. If they all have one child in the same year group… a common age age is 2 years so not surprising at all

Generally OPs are not in a friendship group

in which case it’s a “clique”

But for all sevenmums to get pregnant at the exact same time twice?! Either a pact or something in the water it’s not normal. 🙈

If it’s not an urban myth (and I’m inclined to agree it is) it’s surely the preserve of friendless lonely women who get a bit obsessive? I mean who cares about the randoms your children go to school with? If you meet some you life amazing but otherwise why would you bother.

12 years of primary here and nothing more than a smile or wave. I have too much going on to worry about some random school mums. From the class WhatsApp groups I think that’s the attitude of most of us.

The perception of the outsider. Someone well-adjusted and secure in their own skin sees three women chatting to each other at the school gates and thinks that they must know each other from nursery / school / the gym.

Someone socially awkward, insecure or with low self-esteem sees the same three women chatting and decides they are snooty bitches who quite clearly want to be the queen bees and are deliberately excluding everyone else.

This is not actually personal experience or as I mentioned this is just a question. I am interested to know what people think of this term that is all. I see some people start assuming .

Do you have school aged children?

All this with bells on

I think it’s really nice that some people get on really well and kind of formalise it as ‘ we have coffee every Thursday’ etc. it’s not my cup of tea, but it’s nice for them. Does ‘ clique’ signify they ‘ clicked’?

That’s how you’d see it if you see cliques

I don’t. I see two year as a very common age gap hence out of thirty mothers…. To have 7 pregnant at the same time seems…. Well, unsurprising

I think it's a sexist term used by women about other women who just happen to be in a friendship group.

I've yet to hear a man moan about male cliques in the school playground, the pub or anywhere else.

It is a term used by the socially anxious about friendship groups. For some reason, one small group of friends in the playground means that the whole parent body is written off as cliquey. I think being back in a school environment is tricky for some people and they regress back to their childhood/teen feelings of wanting to be in the popular group.

I’d describe them as friends.

Spot on

What is weird about friends chatting to each other?

@ernie23 ?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

safe to say @Larrythecatforpm doesn’t see “cliques” as just a group of friends chatting

No cliques at my DC’s school. There are mums I have more or less in common with but I’ll be friendly to anybody and I think the rest of the other parents would say similar.

I think a lot of the people who see the groups as cliques would be pleasantly surprised if they wandered up and said ‘hi’!

Me personally I don’t think there is anything wrong with mums making group friends and also I don’t think there is anything wrong with just being a mum who doesn’t want to do that .

what I do think is where both parts go wrong and make assumptions about each other is when children gets excluded. And therefore divide happens .

for example mum excluded child just because child parent isn’t in the group or super chatty or also mum who isn’t interested In making friends with others excluding their children because they think there aren’t in the group .
This is how I see it .
I am very neutral . I am mum who will say hello to mums in groups or mum who never talks to anyone .

Totally agree!

But if a group of 6 mums from the Year 1 class decide to get together for drinks and dinner at one of their houses with their 6 children, and don’t invite any other children or mums, I don’t perceive that as cliquey, it’s just a group of friends getting together with their kids.

for example mum excluded child just because child parent isn’t in the group or super chatty or also mum who isn’t interested In making friends with others excluding their children because they think there aren’t in the group.

Nah, this is often given as an excuse by MNetters who go on about 'cliques'.

The truth is, children will choose their own friends.

It's pretty difficult to keep telling your child they can't have their bestie around because you're not best mates with their mum.