Clique school mums

[ernie23]

what is a cliquey mum group?
how would you describe them ? Do you believe that term , have you ever been involved ?

This is no hate, just genuinely what to know what people think of that term or their experiences on why would you call them like that .

As @AnneLovesGilbertsays. I suppose I’m in a ‘mums clique’ (or friendship group) as I hang out with a few other mums I met at the weekly coffee mornings which we still do even though our kids are now in their 20s. But we didn’t exclude anyone - we just happen to get along. But at the school gates I’d talk to anyone.

Cliques are usually so called by those who have for whatever reason not made any friends of parents at the school. To everyone else they are known as friendship groups.

It happens.

I was a single mum who worked. I had a nanny.

I got stage whispers on open day from tje clique about why would any woman have children if she wasn't going to raise them herself.

”stage” whispers. Sounds about right

I disagree.
The people within a clique will side-eye others, either because they are talking about them or to make sure people are looking at them to see just how amazing they are.
This is not unique to the school playground.
Misc friendship groups will 'allow' the parent that is rarely at the gates to join them as they wait for their children. The clique won't.

We didn't really have any in both my sons' times at primary, but I did hear some awful things about cliques in other year groups.

A very sensible one, I’d say 🤷‍♀️

The people within a clique will side-eye others, either because they are talking about them or to make sure people are looking at them to see just how amazing they are.

I mean…. Really?

especially as you then say We didn't really have any in both my sons' times at primary, but I did hear some awful things about cliques in other year groups.

Cliques are real, they're not imaginary, but of course mentioning them does allow unaffected people to mock you anonymously online because this is what the internet is now.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-couch/201505/mommy-cliques-7-ways-beat-being-outside-the-in-group

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-15858805

https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/parenting/how-to-tackle-school-gate-cliques/

But cliques are related to feelings, and women are often told their feelings don't matter, or they need to get over them, or they're imagining it all.

And? The first paragraph is my understanding, and questions a PP saying people w/o friends call all groups cliques. A clique is a different sort of group.

The second paragraph is my own experience.

You say that cliques side eye because they are talking about others and even make the assumption they are doing so to make sure people are looking at them to see just how amazing they are

but you have come to this opinion from others people telling you this?

The irony is that my nanny was a highly sociable force of nature (and also a hugely well- rounded individual with loads of community contacts and networks) who left the clique and me (IT nerd) standing when it came to giving my kids a good childhood.

What I will never understand is this
If the women in the cliques are nasty, snotty and give side eye then why on earth are people so desperate to be their friend?

Oh no Im excluded from a group of horrible people, its sooo unfair !

😂Doesnt really add up does it

Where is the “irony”?

Who said anyone was desperate to be their friend?

Nothing wrong with that

Oh do keep up!
The anti clique posters are always desperate to be part of the clique, thats their whole gripe

Why would you want to be friends with such unpleasant people?

I've seen it in action, I have read about it, I have listened to what others (who I trust) say. How else do we make opinions about things?
What are you getting at?
A clique is a recognised social group with negative connotations.

I never wanted to be friends with them. I just wanted them to stop spreading rumours about my family, and threatening to beat me up.

I think that goes beyond clique and into bullying and harassment.
Police wouldn't be interested in a clique, but would be interested in violent threats.

Mm. I’m afraid I generally agree with this. I hear talk of cliques but when you drill down into what they mean a bit, it’s really just women who are friends or friendly acquaintances who chat. And often enough the person complaining isn’t able or willing to put themselves out there and chat themselves so they remain on the outside. Not a nice feeling, I’m sure but no one just magically becomes friends without putting themselves out there.

How else do we make opinions about things?

personal experience
you have concluded cliques side eye because they are gossiping and want to make themselves feel superior

Based on no personal experience of this whatever

Well then they are criminals

Gosh you’re very rude aren’t you.

My first child’s school was very cliquey, I certainly wasn’t desperate to be friends with anyone. But the cliquey groups did a good job of making people uncomfortable. They arranged a leavers thing at the end of school and deliberately excluded about 7 children out of 30. My child was not one of the excluded ones but I was as made to feel uncomfortable several times.

Including the time they saved the entire front row of the nativity for each other, if you ever approached the group in the playground they’d circle and turn their backs. Party invites were sent and ignored and if you dared ask the parent if the child was coming you were looked at like you were scum.

It was a breath of fresh air when my
youngest went to a different primary, there was none of this nonsense. Yes some people were friends but people would say good morning and if you approach a group parents were friendly and polite, people actually responded to party invitations, and TURNED UP, people smiled at each other and made small talk.

Cliques aren’t necessarily friends, they don’t socialise outside of school it’s just a group who like to stand around acting like they’re better than everyone else.

Do you realise how childish you sound?

and as for They arranged a leavers thing at the end of school and deliberately excluded about 7 children out of 30. how do you know this?

Honestly I’m not sure why it’s such an issue for some that there are these types of people about.

How do I know? Because it was all said and talked about at the time by the organisers and it was common knowledge by then what was going on.

You know how there can be bullies and groups of bullies at school, well believe it or not it can and does go on at the school gates too.

What’s actually childish is the ones at school who act like this and do things like saving all the front row of seats for eachother.

What’s childish is that on mumsnet you could literally say someone slapped you round the face and people would fall over themselves to tell you that you probably walked into the persons hand.