AIBU to challenge OUT OF CONTROL parents group chat?

[SySy7]

My 2 kids go to pretty decent school where the group chat is intertwined with class reps and PTFA. Theres around 90 parent members in each chat. My issue is not only the relentless money grab opportunities but the inconsiderate few who seem to think that messaging at 6am on Saturday mornings and sometimes gone midnight on a Friday evening to ask ridiculous stuff they could have directly asked one parent or a rep rather than 90 people is completely unacceptable? Where are peoples sense of boundaries, common sense and general respect? I’ve silenced before for holidays but all you see the minute you open your phone is 30 messages about school lunches or a fundraiser. I’m due to have a baby next week so have decided to remove myself from both chats for the time being for my own sanity but would it be unreasonable to contact the school come September and request that the group chat become more regulated? Say from 7am to 9pm on a school night for example and limited on weekends? Direct questions go to a rep? I get all parents have a morning panic from time to time for example but I’ve honestly never experience the sheer volume or anything like this before. One week we were sent the same advert for a group event over 15 times. It became literal spam and random parents were reposting the message/ad through like we hadn’t received it 45 mins ago? I’ll always help and support where I can - make donations and bake etc. I’m not against trying to make improvements but this next level. It does quieten down for holidays for a bit but always select few who just don’t give a damn! It might sound ridiculous but it actually gets me down sometimes- I feel completely and utterly harassed.i know a few other parents feel the same but nobody is brave enough to speak up or go against the status quo. There will now be incessant messaging for the entire weekend due an event taking place tomorrow (as there is most weekends). Should I be that person?

Mute it. If it’s what’s app send to archive.
i agree with you op, they are so annoying and mostly filled with drivel. If one person puts that their child has a cold, there are 30 “oh no! “ and “poor him” messages that send me over the edge.

If you feel so strongly then exit the group, school presumably send parents emails or text messages. You don’t need a parents whats app. Or mute the chat so you don’t get bothered when people post/ reply. Schools know these groups exist but school have their own communications. It’s a bit like the PTA in that it’s optional.

Just because certain times are convenient for you does not mean other times aren’t convenient for others. Phones have features that allow you to mute conversations entirely or set notifications to only certain hours.

Only 2 people in the world are authorized to automatically get through my nighttime mode. They know not to text me about something banal in the middle of the night. Instead, they use delayed delivery if they just can’t wait, but it isn’t an emergency.

@SySy7 This is not the same but a similar problem.

We have a Whatsapp group for our street, a bit like an unofficial neighbourhood watch and good neighbours and we have 30 households on it. However quite often people will put a message on for everyone when it only needs to go to 1 or 2 specific people and no-one else needs to be involved or people forward on stuff to other group members that has already been sent group wide. Then everyone who reads it, gives it a thumbs up - we had been having problems with bins collections, someone reported they were on their way around and then thirty houses gave a thumbs up - don't get me wrong, sometimes replies are needed but not on inane stuff. And finally, people who think its OK to send messages about none urgent stuff at midnight or sparrow fart in case they forget.

So yes, I was that person that asked if we could have a bit more consideration because I didn't want people muting and missing important stuff because of the incessant pinging! This is what I said, which can be adapted:

"Hi neighbours! A tiny request to keep our brilliant street group running like a well‑oiled machine:

• Group chat = street‑wide stuff
• One‑household stuff = private message
• Midnight musings = best saved for morning
• message read acknowledgements, like thumbs up = not usually needed unless requested.
• Reposting things = not needed - WhatsApp has a scroll button!

We all want the group to stay helpful rather than overwhelming, so thanks for sticking to these simple guidelines."

It worked and I got lots of agreement when I made the statement via private messaging of course!

General rule of these WhatsApp groups, mute it and only look if you have a reason to. It's good for you to learn that now.

The school would hopefully not try to intervene because they have no hope of controlling it and they will look and sound overbearing and foolish.

Also: yes people send strange "I forgot, what is PE day" messages at midnight because that's when they panic and are wondering about it. They probably assume most people have the chat muted and will respond when they see it.

(No, I'm not one of those people! But I've been in a number of school adjacent WA groups and I've seen it a lot)

Just leave the group. Any important school information will be emailed to you. The WhatsApp group has nothing to do with the school so they won't get involved.

They can send messages whenever they like, you can read them whenever you like. What’s the problem?

The thing is a lot of parents use these groups to delegate their reading of school emails/ messaging app/ going through school bag. Which is time consuming and no one enjoys. Entitled messages over and over asking for lifts for their child to things or to bring them back when never help in return. With an undertone of they are too busy/ important. I am not on them anymore we have a smaller year group but got sick of one person asking "can someone tell me if so and so is on" rather than going through the same ### as everyone else to find out. Not becoming an unpaid PA to someone I don't even know who seems to be looking down on everyone else....

Are there groups Admins on these WhatsApp group? Can't you suggest to the Admins that they send a blanket message asking users to be considerate of the time they are posting and also to be more aware of spamming the chats with information that's already been posted? If the Admins are just as bad as the users, then it might make them think!

Ultimately, you need to adjust your usage because you can't control other people's behaviour, you can only control your reaction to it. You can't get the school involved either, as it has nothing to do with them.

As others have said, just mute or archive it.

But honestly, your post is batshit.

People ask questions when they have questions- confining them to a specific time is far to restrictive. The point of messenger apps like WhatsApp is that you can ignore until you want to answer, or ignore totally if you prefer.

The school are not there to regulate the parents WhatsApp. 🤦🏼‍♀️

I hate group chats but inevitably I’ve been added to a few. Just put them on silent and catch up in your own time. I don’t get people getting annoyed at other people sending messages whenever is convenient for them, as it’s so easy to change the settings in your phone so that it doesn’t bother you.

I left all those chats years ago

Not if 30 people do a thumbs up at various times of the night and day and your phone is incessantly pinging - it inconvenient and annoying - a few ground rules mean you don't have to mute it and risk missing important stuff. Muting is all well and good until you read a message 2 days later that needed action the day it was sent.

There is nothing wrong with a few ground rules but if you want to mute messages, mute them. Cover both options.

I just mute every chat and look when I need to. I ignore the inane, ridiculous parents and find out what I need to know.

Reminder for those who need it: no one and I mean no one, wants to know about your play date organisation with one other parent.

Messages like what's app, text messages etc are designed so they can be sent at the senders convenience and read at the convenience of the recipient. It is up to you to manage when you can receive messages, by changing your settings to timings you are comfortable with. It's why "priority" groups and muting exist!

Well it’s on you to make sure you check the chat daily then, surely? I am in about 20 WhatsApp groups and they’re all muted. I check them at my convenience. If I miss something, it’s on me.

Just mute it. It’s not complicated.

It’s absolutely nothing to do with school

No school/class group chat here 👋🏻 I can't see any need to have one. Information comes directly from teachers via the school app or the weekly newsletter. Just leave the group.

Take your own advice- contact the reps directly!

Na, mute or leave. I always leave group chats on mute. Always.

I have many groups. I just don't read them LOL

Take yourself out of the group. You can survive school without WhatsApp groups.

I don't think people have to operate on your timeframes. People live different lifestyles and can work shifts etc.