AIBU to suggest my husband takes the box room when we move?

[Bedroomdilemmas]

Aibu to give the smallest bedroom to my husband? We’re moving house. It’s for 2 years. My husband and I have separate bedrooms because of his snoring. The new house has 3 double rooms and one box room. Our two children really want a double room each and to be far they’re 18 and 17 and will be hanging out in their bedrooms the majority of time. My husband literally only sleeps in his bedroom, while I spend loads of time working in my bedroom. It seems obvious to me that he should get the box room but he won’t hear of it. I instigated the move so he’s not thrilled in general.

Well if its no big deal at all then why cant he sleep in there?

Id assume he'd be leaving his shit around, glasses, clothes etc from the night before that would need clearing before op can work. Op's stuff in the big room so having to creep around while snoring man sleeps. Nah.

Tbf i think the compromise if both using it is decent. But I bet he wont be happy with that either.

Other thing you could do op if he insists on Man Needs Big Room is start working earlier. Time for him to get up at 6am so you can get dressed etc for the day. Very loudly. He'll soon change his mind.

Sounds like he'll end up staying at the old house for work, you'll be in your new house with the kids, and you'll realise you're happier apart.

Everyone else uses their room for other things ie work or socialising . OPs husband just needs it to sleep.

While not all snoring can be dealt with, some can. While it isn’t something he can fully control, it’s not fair on his partner to be able to sleep because of the noise. And so he has his own room.

Most reasonable men really wouldn’t care. It’s a place to sleep. To be honest, most men I’ve known would probably love their own space, no matter how small, so they can keep it how they like .

You sleep in the box room and work in the other !

I think it's a lot expecting your husband being made to feel like a second class citizen. The kids don't pay anything for their home but your husband does.

Who paid the mortgage on the old house?

Of course they don't pay anything. They're teenagers living in the family home.

We do this. Except the master bedroom is still officially “our” bedroom and we’ll still hang out in there together, all his stuff is still there and it’s where he gets dressed. The box room is officially the spare room, it’s just where he sleeps most of the time.

What, so now not only on MN do all kids have to have their own room, but they must have the biggest rooms lest they have friends over..?

Good luck fitting a wardrobe, drawers, bedside table etc into a box room.

Some people on MN are so obtuse and just want to pick holes in everything.
You are paying for the new house OP and as you work in your bedroom also AND your husband hasn’t sorted his boring problem out then you get the larger bedroom. Why does he need it if he merely sleeps in a bedroom and doesn’t work from that home? That would be ridiculous.
The fact he doesn’t want to move is a whole different issue.

well he won’t consider this so MN won’t help I think

It depends whether he has taken steps to sort out his snoring, or isn't willing to. And it depends on why you insisted on moving and whether he had any choice in the matter...

Well, they are 17 and 18, not really kids.

Lots of people say box room to mean a single room. When I was a child/teen I had the box room. I had a single bed, wardrobe, chest of drawers and dressing table/desk in there. Bookshelves up on the wall. No bedside table but it didn't matter!

The big room that you want to sleep in belongs to both of you, in that both of your things can be stored there. The box room can still be kitted out to be nice and cosy for him to sleep in. It doesn't mean it has to be "his" room so to speak, but rather just where he sleeps.

Do you go straight to sleep when you go up to bed? If it was me and DP, we'd be in the same bed to start with as we like to chat for a while etc, and then he would move to the other room if we didn't sleep in the same bed.

There's no need for the box room to be "his" room, as that does seem a little bit unfair for a grown adult to only have that much space.

In a wfh scenario like yours, I think I’d want to sleep in a different room to the one I spend all day in. So, I’d have the box room set up for me the way I like it for rest and sleep, and I’d give the largest room to DH to sleep if after my work is done.

I don't think it's right to say "I'm paying for the new house". If you are married or in a long term relationship, esp with kids, surely all money belongs to the family, not to mum OR dad??

The rent from the old house is paying for the new house and it’s not clear who paid for the old house.

Anyway OP - do you and your husband get along otherwise? Because if not, this is an easy way to start separating.

That's the wrong house for your family. You need 4 double bedrooms. Can it be reconfigured to make the box room larger by reducing the size of another room? If not then choose a different house.

Are you happily married? I could not ever seriously ask is it ok for my dh to sleep in the box room. No, it isn't. If he was happy with it fine but he isn't. I mean occasionally fine if one of you is ill but not as a permanent fixture.

My dh snores, I use sleep buds to mask it. How very bizarre to have a dh sleeping elsewhere every night.

Why are you even moving if he doesn't want to? I don't care who is paying the rent decisions like this should be agreed by both.

I just cant get my head around a parent who'd be happy to have one of his young adult DC in a much smaller room just so he can spend 8 hours a night with his eyes shut in a bigger one.

That weird Mumsnet thing where adult men come above everyone else.

I think it's fair enough if he doesn't want the box room but then he should be happy to consider what other options would work. But several people on the thread seem to think he should leave her for even asking such a question!

And why not give more space to teens who spend more time in their bedrooms? I'd always want my kids to have space to have friends to visit - literally no one who comes into my house goes into our bedroom.

I’ve a friend nearby who has a snoring husband she doesn’t fancy. She has a bedroom with a double bed, window overlooking the garden, and an en-suite. He Sleeps in the box room. I saw it….. he literally has a mattress on the floor. Unbelievable. What people get up to in their own homes is always a mystery to those outside the home.

so you are both paying for it. As in he is paying - presumably the children don't pay? - and gets the shitty room?
cop on - you are pushing this, and you will push him away.

Frankly with your attitude, he is better off without you anyway.