AIBU to refuse repeated requests from my neighbour for supplies?

[freecalpol]

AIBU to say enough is enough? DP thinks I’m being mean and unkind and is irritated at my ‘attitude’ towards our neighbour.

She regularly knocks to ‘borrow’ something. At first it was baby wipes, then Calpol. I gave them to her on these occasions as it was late and she hadn’t long moved in so I assumed a level of disorganisation due to the move.

It continued and if it’s just me home I’ll ignore the door or say ‘sorry we don’t have any of ….’ (Whatever she is asking for) .

I work long hours and I’m exhausted. Last night at 11 pm she knocked in a panic asking for Calpol . I said fine I’ll give you one dose in the syringes but you need to buy some yourself as soon as the shop opens or get it delivered . Dp said I should have given the bottle. I have work today so wanted to get some sleep. At 630 am she was hammering on the door and saying that her dc temp had spiked and she needed more. I told her from the window no - the shop opens soon or order it or just sort something else out as I’m not a pharmacy.

Dp says I’m mean and that hopefully the child is ok. I snapped at him and said if she can’t meet her child’s needs maybe I’ll call SS to see if this is information that adds to anything they already have as she seems to be struggling and the fact it’s now impacting my life isn’t fair, so yes she needs support but not financially from me supplying medication for her child. He said I was malicious to even talk about SS.

ynbu she knew her child was unwell when you give her the syringe of calpol in the night time, she should of then ordered/gotten more in for the next day/through the night.
i don’t know any people who don’t keep medicine to hand for these situations anyway its literally the basics

I had a very similar situation with a neighbour who had two children. Not only was she constantly asking to borrow things (like eggs for breakfast when her children were about to go off to sports day so that was particularly critical, pasta sauce before they all had dinner, milk for cereal etc) she would also send long messages guilt tripping me as to why she couldn’t do it herself. If I said no for whatever reason I’d get a long message back explaining how she would have to work around it, (he’ll have to have water on his weetabix then) We live ten minutes away from a load of shops and in the time she was taking to write all this she could have got there and back. She was a single parent - but so am I, so she was really taking the piss. In the end I just avoided answering the messages. It didn’t get any better until she moved! So YANBU - and I would keep saying no. Every mother of a young child needs a bottle of Calpol in the fridge!

From what I can gather from being in various Facebook groups, a lot of people go to the same resort every year or even multiple times a year! So they get to know the staff very well. There’s also people who will approach the staff first and make conversation.

I am the same as you OP, I like to be left alone on holiday though.

Wrong thread?

You can’t solve her problems. Wipes aren’t necessary at home - you can use water on a cloth or on loo paper. Either she has no cloths or loo paper, or she doesn’t think clearly enough to work this out, or prefers just to ask someone for wipes. Whichever pertains, her child is in trouble and the OP dishing out a bit of calpol won’t solve that.

11pm and 6am is awful. Don’t answer

DP can be dealing with this nonsense if he thinks you are mean.

I would be pissed off that she’s knocking at 11am and 6:30am - that is not even enough time for a full night’s sleep. I would give the calpol to her as child is ill and shops not open yet, but I’d make it clear it’s the last time as she should’ve bought some the first time it happened. I would give her the name and address of the local baby bank, either that will help her get some supplies, or she’ll realise she’s being a sponger

Everyone saying the OP should do this and do that - she’s done a lot and her billy big balls husband can deal now and give her the food bank address etc etc

how this has all become OPs problem is mystifying - there are two other fully functioning adults in this tale who could step up

I’ve no idea what’s happened here but yes! Sorry!

This.

Your NOT being unreasonable to not want to supply her and your right to be concerned but you would malicious and horrible . I would phone SS out of concern and hopefully she will get some support I certainly wouldn't of denied the little one Calpol . Op if your own husband thinks your malicious id take a look at yourself . Your whole attitude just seems nasty rather than concerned

She's taking the p*ss. She needs to sort herself out for her child's sake. Nobody is welcome knocking on my door at 6.30am because they refuse to act like a responsible parent. I have all types of pain relief, for different ages, for my grandchildren,& they don't even live with me! I'd be going to her & having a serious conversation about what she should be doing to care for her child, & telling her not to call on me unless it's an absolute dire Emergency. (And that is NOT because she's got no Calpol.) Enough is enough.

How i’m picturing OPs husband as he tells her how disgusted he is that she won’t help the neighbour

11pm? She's an annoying cheeky fucker. I would not be answering the door at 11pm. Frankly if she can't organise food in the house for breakfast I would be worried what else is being neglected in the household. If your dh wants to answer the door and deal with her that's up to him. You do what you think best and he can do what he thinks best you don't need to agree. It would fuck me right off having a partner telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing.

OP gave her a full bottle of calpol last time so what if she didn’t have any in? Why are you not blaming the parent for being unprepared 🤔

Right?! 🤣🤣

It’s not a single syringe though is it. It’s a bottle of cal pol, phone charger, cereal etc etc etc

when does it stop? When does the parent actually have to start parenting?

I think I would have given it to her but gone round the next day and specifically said “why aren’t you keeping this stuff in?” It’s clearly not a one off. If she is struggling, direct her towards family, health visitor etc. If she is lazy then tell her not ask again.

Why the 🙄?

Not leaving the calpol bottle for a sick child was unkind - if there's a poorly child in the picture I would just give whatever.

(Also, if you'd just given her the bottle she wouldn't have been hammering at 6.30am)

Explain it's a one off and she needs to get it in for next time.

Obviously other stuff she needs to sort out.

But the OP has already given her a whole bottle.

How much calpol is this neighbour using?

Explain it's a one off and she needs to get it in for next time.

A one off by definition is something that only happens once. So far this parent has knocked 3 times just for calpol (would have realistically been more had the OP not handed her a whole bottle on the first occasion). What happens when she knocks again do you just blindly hand it over each time because it's for a sick child...

YANBU
You are a kind a considerate neighbour and helped your neighbour at a time when she was need when she first moved in.

Her problems are not your problems and she needs to get her shit together and buy supplies like Calpol and a basic first aid kit to help her child at any time of the day.

She's out of order latching on to you to supply her with basic medication for her child. She's had enough time to go shopping amd organise herself.

Your husband sounds like a push over and his do gooder attitude will only enable a lazy mother to continue to leech off you. He may think he's being helpful but it's not him your neighbour is nagging is it?

Personally, I don't think you are malicious by mentioning SS. If your neighbour is incapable to provide the very basic of care to her child then that's a red flag. What would she do if you hadn't bailed her out?

If this continues I would make a call to SS because my concern would be an incompetent mother is clueless to provide basic first aid to her child and putting the onus on you.

Perhaps SS can offer some support to help the mother get her life together and get organised and take responsibility for her child and not expect you, her neighbour to keep bailing her out.

Which, considering the past history, she won't- sort out. Continuing to enable her not taking responsibility will ensure she never does!

The problem here is that saying ‘this is the last time’ falls on deaf ears. She was told that at 11pm but still knocked at 6.30. And if OP had given it then she would have been back with ‘just one more emergency’ again

perhaps OP could have been kinder but I can’t say I feel very polite when I’ve been rudely awakened at 6.30 in the morning!!