To feel inadequate seeing naked women in movies?

[Frankie47]

Whenever I see naked women in movies they always have amazing bodies and I massively spiral afterwards comparing my old, very flat chested body to theirs. Today I watched some of American Pie and when it got to the bit where ‘Nadia’ strips off and they’re watching her masturbate, I really felt awful about myself. Was very painful to feel so inadequate and know that i don’t have the body that she has so I will never have men desire me like that. I know it’s a fictional character obviously but the actress and her body do represent the ideal that I can’t match up to. How do others stop themselves feeling this?

I always think that this is part of their job and the reason they're employed - to look a certain way. In the real world we need to demonstrate competences relating to our approach to work but in Hollywood it's as much or more, of what you look like that means you work and get paid.

At least that is how I see it and I thank god it's not me!

Don't compare yourself OP, looks aren't everything.

It never occurs to me to compare myself to people on TV (on cinema screens). Why would you? They are specifically employed to look that way. Actresses seem to have pretty awful lives I always think, mental health issues are prominent, they seem to flick through relationships. Then they get chucked at 30 unless they have surgery. I'd just much rather be me in pretty much every way.

It would be exactly like me watching a Paris fashion show, and thinking I will never be a 6’ thin woman as I am short and fat. It’s pretty obvious not all women are 6’ thin, Paris models. Why on earth would that affect me, or stop me wearing clothes😂. Surely, you would think, that the reason that actress is in that film is because she has an unusually good body. It’s all a bell curve, there is no way that the majority of women look like this, people like that are in the tail of the curve, not the bulk! Why would you let this affect you?

You only have to watch Naked Attraction or visit a gym/swimming pool changing room to see most women's bodies are like yours rather than the American Pie lady.

It's like me watching the Olympics and feeling inadequate because I can't run fast.

And in many instances, they use a body double, so it isn't even the body of the actress. All smoke and mirrors.

I suppose it’s because it reaffirms my belief that my body is ugly. The comparison to athletes at the olympics isn’t quite accurate- running is a specific skill that isn’t essential. Whereas my attractiveness is about my value as a woman and whether I deserve to be loved.

I have never started and spiral is way overused if you genuinely do over this seek professional help

Your comment "Whereas my attractiveness is about my value as a woman and whether I deserve to be loved." Horrifies me. So if a man isn't as attractive as, say, Patrick swayze in dirty dancing, does he not deserve to be loved?

I would almost go so far to say I have never fancied a man on TV. Why? Because however "beautiful" he might be to look nice on TV, I imagine that to be confident enough, they must be obsessed by looks and egotistical and I would find that so tedious in real life. A person's looks are a teeny, tiny and insignificant part of who a person is and what makes us appreciate, love and fancy them. Whether a man or woman.

Yes but men don’t think like that - they are much more visual and their ideals feel so unattainable.

It really isn’t though or Kylie and Jennifer Aniston would be in happy successful
relationships and I and many others would be left by the wayside. But that’s not the case because we are much more than a body. I hope you find a way to love who you are right now because everyone deserves love.

So only 'good looking' women get men? Your logic makes no sense

Let me tell you a story. On Blind Date once (in Australia), a couple matched. The bloke was normal height, normal weight, normal looks. The girl was short, fat, she seemed nice enough. The wall slid back, they both said all the right things and off they went for their weekend away.

They came back for their wrap up discussion and were asked “what did you think when you saw each other?” She said “he looked nice etc”. He said with great enthusiasm “she looked gorgeous. I love big women. We had a wonderful weekend. Yes, I would like to see her again”.

The moral of the story, that I remember 40 years later, is that there is someone for everyone. I always tell dc that beauty is standing up straight, keeping clean and looking out at the world with an interested eye.

Don’t look at Hollywood as the arbiter of what a good looking woman looks like. It’s run by gay blokes who don’t like what a woman looks like anyway.

When men / boys masterbate over a woman, that isn't them saying that woman deserves to be loved. They aren't even saying necessarily that they'd like to give her sexual pleasure. The only message is that they'd like to use her as an object to get off. Not so much 'she deserves to be loved' as 'she deserves to be covered in my bodily fluids'.

I do totally get that sometimes the thought of driving others wild with desire can be appealing. It has a certain power perhaps... the thought being 'that woman'.

Ultimately though it is no guarantee of being loved, well-treated and happy. It is also reducing your worth to... well... wank fodder... when we are actually people. There are many ways to be desired, respected and loved as a woman that have nothing to do with this sort adolescent fantasy version.

I do realise that this won't change your mind because rational arguments can only take all of us so far, and my guess is that maybe part of the reason you feel this way is perhaps not experiencing enough desire and love from other people in your life? In which case it's pretty understandable to wish you were different and fantasise that this would make it all better. We all probably do that a bit. But I wonder whether it might help to take a 'thoughts are just thoughts' approach. We all think all sorts of stuff, especially in lower moments. Those thoughts don't necessarily all say anything deep and meaningful about us or the world. We can notice them and accept we're having them without fully believing them. 'Oh, it's that thought again. It's there and keeps coming back but it doesn't define me.'

You've posted nonsense like this before, several times. You need some therapy to address your poor self image.

Ideals are meant to be ridicluous though. That's the point of them: to be sort of unreachable and above reality.

Some men do seem to have ridiculously inflated expectations of how women should look for them to deign to go out with us. Most do seem to be able to distinguish ideals from reality though. Thank goodness or there'd be almost no sex, no relationships, no kids.

Honestly i look like a sack of potatoes and i certainly get anxious about being naked for the first time in front of anyone. But i just power through that because life is too short. And actually for the most part in my sexual encounters no men have ever acted like they werent incredibly enthusiastic.
Its rubbish that men only want women who look like beautiful actresses. Thats just not reality.
Do you genuinely only feel attracted to men who look like chris hemsworth??
I mean personally im not attracted to chris hemsworth at all.
I did once have a crush on my 72yo manager!!
Because attraction isnt all about looks.
And yes that is true for men as well.
Men also want actual chemistry and to feel connected and desired. Everyone is different and will find different things attractive.

At the risk of sounding terminally wonky, if you don't love yourself it's harder to believe others will love you/find you attractive. There's got to be something about yourself that you like? Focus on that.

My body may have sagging breasts, be significantly overweight and have scars and stretch marks BUT it grew 2 awesome humans and I am so grateful to it for that. I also don't find comparing myself to others in that way helpful so I just, well, don't.

Wank fodder for incels, now there's an appealing thought...

Have a look at all the before and after pictures of the Kardashians who have apparently “never” had surgery.

Or the way some actors cheekbones seem to have mysteriously expanded (Anya Taylor-Joy eg).

Or the many. many actors who are shadows of their former selves (as am I), thanks to WLI’s.

You could always get down the gym and into the surgeon’s office if you really wanted to, but blimey, what a bloody effort to maintain it all.

American Pie is - like many films of that era - very problematic, it’s absolutely filmed through a male gaze and a horny, immature, one at that. Yes it’s funny, yes the father son and friend relationships are touching at times but the objectification and total lack of understanding of consent and boundaries are damaging.

Try watching things with more realistic portrayal of women characters. I’ve been watching Silo recently; there are so many great female characters in it, including complicated, interesting older women and female bodies are not leered over.

To a certain extent we are influenced by what we consume and see - especially if we are very visual people - so maybe think about changing what you consume - change the script, the media landscape. Look, listen for the passionate stories, the wisdom, strength and grace, the humanity and humour of humans in older, imperfect bodies, this is often a richer, headier and more nourishing diet than the superficial hit of a ripe youthful breast filmed in patriarchal vision, because here is the soul and heart and mind, contained in the beautiful humanity of a body free to be itself

I accidently got a better body after starting pailates, one to one training three years ago and have a very toned, if not a bit too lean and muscly body. I was soft and wobbly before. It is bloody hard work, I dont eat much because of WLS and do the pilates because it helps my back but I dont thinknanyone iver the age of 21 has a body like th movies without hard work, commitment and sacrifice so it isnt real life.

No. Your value, as a human and as a woman, isn't predicated on what men think of you. Until you undo this misogynistic idea, you're never going to be happy. Even if you attain a movie star body, men aren't going to love you for it. They are going to love the body and you'll live your life in fear of falling from grace - which will happen because age is unavoidable.

Well a woman’s body goes through a lot and most of the women in Hollywood movies use body doubles who haven’t had children and who likely have lived on a diet of greens and fruit their whole lives to maintain the “perfect” figure. They have dieticians and personal trainers as well.

What you’re comparing yourself to isn’t realistic for the vast majority of women. When you get older, especially if you have children, your body starts to sag and bits get loose. You get stretch marks, scars, wobbly bits, cellulite etc. Men actually don’t care about any of this, that’s worth noting. They don’t hone in on things we obsess over as imperfections or, to be frank, even really notice. Some men PREFER bigger women as well.

Movie ideals are not what most men choose in real life. Most people aren't that keen on extremes to live with. And while I agree men are more visual, personality is important to them too. Very few women look like movie stars but lots are loved by men.

It is a film it is npt real if people cant tell the difference and take body and relationship advice from made up stories they have bigger problems in life

Do people beleive all films are like real life? Can't people use their brains anymore?